A young man who could not marry due to the high cost of mahr, and he is a student of knowledge; what is your advice to him, and is there any advice for the guardians of the daughters?
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The questioner : A young man who could not marry due to the high cost of mahr; what do you advise him, given that he is seeking Islamic knowledge? And is there any advice for the fathers and guardians of the daughters?
The Shaykh : In the name of Allah, the Most Gracious, the Most Merciful. Praise be to Allah, Lord of the worlds, and I send prayers and peace upon our Prophet Muhammad, and upon his family and his Companions, and upon those who follow them with excellence until the Day of Judgment:
I advise this young man with what the Prophet (peace and blessings be upon him and his family and his Companions) guided to, where he said:Mishkat al-Masabih 3080 Thus the Prophet (peace and blessings be upon him and his family and his Companions) guided the youth.
And I command them to be patient and to be chaste, so that Allah (Mighty and Majestic) may enrich them, as Allah the Exalted said:[An-Nur 24:33]. And in the hadith: Jami` at-Tirmidhi 1655Hasan (Darussalam) And among them was mentioned: .
As for our advice to the guardians, we remind them of Allah (Mighty and Majestic) regarding the women whom Allah has placed under their guardianship. We remind them to fear Allah the Exalted in their treatment of them. We remind them to marry them to one whose religion and character they are pleased with, based on the saying of the Prophet (peace and blessings be upon him and his family and his Companions):Sunan al-Bayhaqi 10:875.
And we remind them that the purpose of marriage is not to accumulate wealth, neither for the wife nor for her family. The purpose of marriage is to protect the chastity of both spouses, to guard the private parts, and to lower the gaze. The purpose of marriage is for Allah to place between them, that is, between the spouses, a righteous child whose life is beneficial and who benefits his parents in their lifetime and after their death. The purpose of marriage is to remove the causes of evil, fitnah, and corruption. The purpose of marriage is much good, and this place is not sufficient to mention it all.
The purpose of marriage is not to acquire wealth, for acquiring wealth is done through buying and selling, hiring and being hired, and the like. So let the guardians fear Allah in themselves and in those whom Allah has placed under their guardianship. How wonderful it would be if every tribe gathered and determined an appropriate mahr that provides sufficiency without excess or hardship.
And let it be known that the most blessed marriage is the one with the least expense, and that as people exaggerate in mahr, matters become difficult. If a man spends one hundred thousand on the mahr while he is in a comfortable financial situation, he will borrow and take loans, and his shoulders will be burdened with debts. Then, if a dispute arises between him and his wife, it will be difficult for him to divorce her and part with her unless his money is returned to him. And his money may have been exhausted and scattered, and it will be difficult for the wife's family and the wife to recover it. Thus, great harm will result.
So I say: If every tribe gathered, with its honorable and prominent members, and determined mahr amounts that provide sufficiency, and compelled those who delay marriage without a legitimate religious reason, there would be great good in this.
The questioner : May Allah bless you, Shaykh Muhammad.
The Shaykh : In the name of Allah, the Most Gracious, the Most Merciful. Praise be to Allah, Lord of the worlds, and I send prayers and peace upon our Prophet Muhammad, and upon his family and his Companions, and upon those who follow them with excellence until the Day of Judgment:
I advise this young man with what the Prophet (peace and blessings be upon him and his family and his Companions) guided to, where he said:
Young man, those of you who can support a wife should marry, for it keeps you from looking at strange women and preserves you from immorality; but those who cannot should devote themselves to fasting, for it is a means of suppressing sexual desire.
يا معشر الشباب! من استطاع منكم الباءة فليتزوج، فإنه أغض للبصر وأحصن للفرج، ومن لم يستطع فعليه بالصوم فإنه له وجاءAnd I command them to be patient and to be chaste, so that Allah (Mighty and Majestic) may enrich them, as Allah the Exalted said:
But let them who find not [the means for] marriage abstain [from sexual relations] until Allah enriches them from His bounty.
وَلْيَسْتَعْفِفِ الَّذِينَ لا يَجِدُونَ نِكَاحًا حَتَّى يُغْنِيَهُمُ اللَّهُ مِنْ فَضْلِهِThere are three for whom it is a right upon Allah to help him
ثلاثة حق على الله عونهمThe one who marries seeking chastity
المتزوج يريد العفافAs for our advice to the guardians, we remind them of Allah (Mighty and Majestic) regarding the women whom Allah has placed under their guardianship. We remind them to fear Allah the Exalted in their treatment of them. We remind them to marry them to one whose religion and character they are pleased with, based on the saying of the Prophet (peace and blessings be upon him and his family and his Companions):
If there comes to you one whose religion and character you are pleased with, then marry her to him. If you do not do so, there will be a fitnah (trial, discord or temptation) in the land and great corruption.
إذا أتاكم من ترضون دينه وخلقه فأنكحوه، إلا تفعلوه تكن فتنة في الأرض وفساد كبيرAnd we remind them that the purpose of marriage is not to accumulate wealth, neither for the wife nor for her family. The purpose of marriage is to protect the chastity of both spouses, to guard the private parts, and to lower the gaze. The purpose of marriage is for Allah to place between them, that is, between the spouses, a righteous child whose life is beneficial and who benefits his parents in their lifetime and after their death. The purpose of marriage is to remove the causes of evil, fitnah, and corruption. The purpose of marriage is much good, and this place is not sufficient to mention it all.
The purpose of marriage is not to acquire wealth, for acquiring wealth is done through buying and selling, hiring and being hired, and the like. So let the guardians fear Allah in themselves and in those whom Allah has placed under their guardianship. How wonderful it would be if every tribe gathered and determined an appropriate mahr that provides sufficiency without excess or hardship.
And let it be known that the most blessed marriage is the one with the least expense, and that as people exaggerate in mahr, matters become difficult. If a man spends one hundred thousand on the mahr while he is in a comfortable financial situation, he will borrow and take loans, and his shoulders will be burdened with debts. Then, if a dispute arises between him and his wife, it will be difficult for him to divorce her and part with her unless his money is returned to him. And his money may have been exhausted and scattered, and it will be difficult for the wife's family and the wife to recover it. Thus, great harm will result.
So I say: If every tribe gathered, with its honorable and prominent members, and determined mahr amounts that provide sufficiency, and compelled those who delay marriage without a legitimate religious reason, there would be great good in this.
The questioner : May Allah bless you, Shaykh Muhammad.