A man whose children have reached puberty, who commands them and forbids them, but they do not listen to him: what is obligatory upon him?
Machine translationRead the Arabic original
The questioner : In the name of Allah, the Most Gracious, the Most Merciful. Praise be to Allah, and may peace and blessings be upon the Messenger of Allah. As for what follows: My Shaykh, a man has children who have naturally reached the age of puberty, both males and females. He commands them to pray and commands the women to wear the hijab, but they do not respond. He is fed up with them, and this is their state. So what do we advise such a man? What can he do, and what is his obligation according to the Shari'ah? What does the Shari'ah command him to do in this situation?
The Shaykh : How old is the eldest son?
The questioner : Approximately thirty years old.
The Shaykh : Thirty years old!
The questioner : They range from thirty to twenty-five, meaning they are in this age group.
The Shaykh : Well, did this father fulfill his duty of raising and guiding his children to act according to the rulings of Islam from the time they were young, or was he negligent and then turned to the truth, beginning to raise his children in the Islamic way and methodology after their branches had already grown crooked?
The questioner: Yes.
The Shaykh : How was his situation?
The questioner: The second.
The Shaykh : The other one!
The questioner: Yes.
The Shaykh : Here lies the problem. It is said here: "In summer, you have wasted the milk."
The questioner: Yes.
The Shaykh : So many fathers are afflicted with such a calamity.
The questioner: Yes.
The Shaykh : They were previously deviating from the Shari'ah in their own selves.
The questioner: Yes.
The Shaykh : Then Allah (Mighty and Majestic) guided them, and they found guidance.
The questioner: Yes.
The Shaykh : Then they thought about guiding their children, but the children did not respond to them or become soft toward them.
The questioner: Yes.
The Shaykh : At that point, his inner state should be:[Ibrahim 14:22] He must blame himself for what he neglected.
The questioner: Yes.
The Shaykh : As for after this negligence, he remains with what is left for him—the matter is of extreme precision.
The questioner: Yes.
The Shaykh : And that is that as long as his children do not respond to him, and the reason has become clear that he was previously negligent with them, he is like one who did not apply the saying of the Prophet (peace and blessings be upon him) to them.
The questioner : (peace and blessings be upon him).
The Shaykh :Sunan Abi Dawud 495Hasan Sahih (Al-Albani) .
The questioner: Yes.
The Shaykh : He did not apply this noble Prophetic methodology so that they would respond to him and train themselves in obedience.
The questioner: Yes.
The Shaykh : Obedience to their father. So as long as he did not adopt this lawful means to win them over.
The questioner: Yes.
The Shaykh : When they reached the age of accountability.
The questioner: Yes.
The Shaykh : Now he is between two calamities: either he expels them from his house, or he endures their crookedness. "And the sweeter of the two is bitter," as they say.
The questioner: Yes.
The Shaykh : But the scientific principles require the Muslim in such a case to choose the lighter of the two calamities and the one with less evil.
The questioner: Yes.
The Shaykh : And the owner of the house, as they say, knows best what is in it. He knows, and others do not know like him, for example, an official.
The questioner: Yes.
The Shaykh : He cannot say that it is better for these children that their father expels them from his house and they do not live with him, as long as they disobey Allah and His Messenger. Or is the lesser evil that they remain with him, and he is gentle with them after they have reached this age, and he continues to oversee their guidance, teaching, and upbringing? Perhaps, and hopefully, they will respond to him after the time has passed. This is what I have as an answer to this question.
The questioner : May Allah reward you with good.
The Shaykh : How old is the eldest son?
The questioner : Approximately thirty years old.
The Shaykh : Thirty years old!
The questioner : They range from thirty to twenty-five, meaning they are in this age group.
The Shaykh : Well, did this father fulfill his duty of raising and guiding his children to act according to the rulings of Islam from the time they were young, or was he negligent and then turned to the truth, beginning to raise his children in the Islamic way and methodology after their branches had already grown crooked?
The questioner: Yes.
The Shaykh : How was his situation?
The questioner: The second.
The Shaykh : The other one!
The questioner: Yes.
The Shaykh : Here lies the problem. It is said here: "In summer, you have wasted the milk."
The questioner: Yes.
The Shaykh : So many fathers are afflicted with such a calamity.
The questioner: Yes.
The Shaykh : They were previously deviating from the Shari'ah in their own selves.
The questioner: Yes.
The Shaykh : Then Allah (Mighty and Majestic) guided them, and they found guidance.
The questioner: Yes.
The Shaykh : Then they thought about guiding their children, but the children did not respond to them or become soft toward them.
The questioner: Yes.
The Shaykh : At that point, his inner state should be:
So do not blame me; but blame yourselves.
فَلَا تَلُومُونِي وَلُومُوا أَنْفُسَكُمْThe questioner: Yes.
The Shaykh : As for after this negligence, he remains with what is left for him—the matter is of extreme precision.
The questioner: Yes.
The Shaykh : And that is that as long as his children do not respond to him, and the reason has become clear that he was previously negligent with them, he is like one who did not apply the saying of the Prophet (peace and blessings be upon him) to them.
The questioner : (peace and blessings be upon him).
The Shaykh :
Command your children to pray when they become seven years old, and beat them for it (prayer) when they become ten years old; and arrange their beds (to sleep) separately.
مُرُوا أبناءكم بالصلاة وهم أبناء سبع ، واضربوهم عليها وهم أبناء عشر ، وفَرِّقوا بينهم في المضاجعThe questioner: Yes.
The Shaykh : He did not apply this noble Prophetic methodology so that they would respond to him and train themselves in obedience.
The questioner: Yes.
The Shaykh : Obedience to their father. So as long as he did not adopt this lawful means to win them over.
The questioner: Yes.
The Shaykh : When they reached the age of accountability.
The questioner: Yes.
The Shaykh : Now he is between two calamities: either he expels them from his house, or he endures their crookedness. "And the sweeter of the two is bitter," as they say.
The questioner: Yes.
The Shaykh : But the scientific principles require the Muslim in such a case to choose the lighter of the two calamities and the one with less evil.
The questioner: Yes.
The Shaykh : And the owner of the house, as they say, knows best what is in it. He knows, and others do not know like him, for example, an official.
The questioner: Yes.
The Shaykh : He cannot say that it is better for these children that their father expels them from his house and they do not live with him, as long as they disobey Allah and His Messenger. Or is the lesser evil that they remain with him, and he is gentle with them after they have reached this age, and he continues to oversee their guidance, teaching, and upbringing? Perhaps, and hopefully, they will respond to him after the time has passed. This is what I have as an answer to this question.
The questioner : May Allah reward you with good.
Source
www.al-albany.com
The Arabic text is copied verbatim from the original source, without any edits.