There is a custom in Bisha where the townspeople stay at the deceased's house, waiting for the arrival of those who come to offer condolences, and they slaughter sheep.
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The questioner : He says: There is a custom in Bisha, and this custom is for the people of the town to stay in the house of the deceased when he dies. All the people of the town gather in the house of the deceased when he dies, waiting for the arrival of the people who want to observe the custom of condolence. They slaughter sheep, and feasts are held through oaths of divorce and other means, knowing that the people coming are close to the town.
The Shaykh : Through what?
The questioner : Through divorce, meaning: I swear by divorce that I will do such and such, or I will do such and such for you. And he says the people coming are close to the town where the deceased is, and means of transport are available, and there is no excuse for staying. In fact, some calculate the cost of the food and come at an early time. In addition to this, one slaughter after another takes place in the house of the deceased, day and night, but it is not from his right, but from the right of the group. What do you see regarding this? May Allah reward you with good.
The Shaykh : We see regarding this that this is a reprehensible matter, because it involves the waste of money and a gathering that truly contradicts the state of death and the state of grief. Because it is between two things: either wailing, lamenting, and continuous sorrows occur, which is contrary to the Shari'ah.
The questioner : We seek refuge in Allah.
The Shaykh : And this is not part of condolence in any way, because condolence means consoling the person, i.e., encouraging him and helping him to be patient with the calamity that has befallen him. It is not intended by condolence to stir up his sorrows through wailing, lamenting, and the like. Or, this gathering is a gathering of joy, play, boasting, and laughter, and the like, which also contradicts the state of death and what a person should be in this state.
The questioner : Yes.
The Shaykh : So the religion of Allah is between the one who exaggerates in it and the one who neglects it, and the religion is a middle path. And among the harms that occur from this gathering is the waste of much money in it. As the questioner mentioned, he says every slaughter is behind another slaughter. And also what occurs from these obligations, or rather compellations, to eat, until he swears by divorce that he will eat, as I mentioned. And this is also a matter that should not be done. For the oath should, rather it is obligatory, that the oath be by Allah (Mighty and Majestic)Sahih al-Bukhari 2679.
The questioner : Yes.
The Shaykh : And it is not befitting for a person to use another formula indicating an oath other than the oath by Allah (Glorified and Exalted is He) if the need calls for it. The important thing is that this is a reprehensible matter, and that it is obligatory for the family of the deceased to be patient and seek reward, and that they console themselves with what Allah commanded them with[Al-Baqarah 2:156]. I say that they console themselves with what Allah praised its doer for.
The questioner : Yes.
The Shaykh : And the praise for it, because someone might say: Allah did not command this statement in this verse. We say that the praise for the doer or the speaker indicates that this action or statement is a desired command.
The questioner : Yes.
The Shaykh : And the Prophet (peace and blessings be upon him) informed that whoever is struck by a calamity and then says, this is the state of the bereaved, or the state of the bereaved, should use what the Shari'ah indicated to be used, whether in speech or action.
As for the gathering mentioned, it is forbidden because of the harms it leads to.
The questioner : Yes.
The Shaykh : Yes.
The Shaykh : Through what?
The questioner : Through divorce, meaning: I swear by divorce that I will do such and such, or I will do such and such for you. And he says the people coming are close to the town where the deceased is, and means of transport are available, and there is no excuse for staying. In fact, some calculate the cost of the food and come at an early time. In addition to this, one slaughter after another takes place in the house of the deceased, day and night, but it is not from his right, but from the right of the group. What do you see regarding this? May Allah reward you with good.
The Shaykh : We see regarding this that this is a reprehensible matter, because it involves the waste of money and a gathering that truly contradicts the state of death and the state of grief. Because it is between two things: either wailing, lamenting, and continuous sorrows occur, which is contrary to the Shari'ah.
The questioner : We seek refuge in Allah.
The Shaykh : And this is not part of condolence in any way, because condolence means consoling the person, i.e., encouraging him and helping him to be patient with the calamity that has befallen him. It is not intended by condolence to stir up his sorrows through wailing, lamenting, and the like. Or, this gathering is a gathering of joy, play, boasting, and laughter, and the like, which also contradicts the state of death and what a person should be in this state.
The questioner : Yes.
The Shaykh : So the religion of Allah is between the one who exaggerates in it and the one who neglects it, and the religion is a middle path. And among the harms that occur from this gathering is the waste of much money in it. As the questioner mentioned, he says every slaughter is behind another slaughter. And also what occurs from these obligations, or rather compellations, to eat, until he swears by divorce that he will eat, as I mentioned. And this is also a matter that should not be done. For the oath should, rather it is obligatory, that the oath be by Allah (Mighty and Majestic)
Whoever has to take an oath should swear by Allah or remain silent.
من كان حالفا فليحلف بالله أو ليصمتThe questioner : Yes.
The Shaykh : And it is not befitting for a person to use another formula indicating an oath other than the oath by Allah (Glorified and Exalted is He) if the need calls for it. The important thing is that this is a reprehensible matter, and that it is obligatory for the family of the deceased to be patient and seek reward, and that they console themselves with what Allah commanded them with
Who, when disaster strikes them, say, "Indeed we belong to Allah, and indeed to Him we will return."
الذين إذا أصابتهم مصيبة قالوا إنا لله وإنا إليه راجعونThe questioner : Yes.
The Shaykh : And the praise for it, because someone might say: Allah did not command this statement in this verse. We say that the praise for the doer or the speaker indicates that this action or statement is a desired command.
The questioner : Yes.
The Shaykh : And the Prophet (peace and blessings be upon him) informed that whoever is struck by a calamity and then says
O Allah, reward me in my calamity and replace for me something better than it. So Allah rewarded him in his calamity and replaced for him something better than it.
اللهم أجرني في مصيبتي وأخلف لي خيرا منها ءاجره الله في مصيبته وأخلف خيرا منهاAs for the gathering mentioned, it is forbidden because of the harms it leads to.
The questioner : Yes.
The Shaykh : Yes.