A woman says: We are tribes and we have customs regarding condolences, which is that when a person dies among us or among our relatives, the condolences last three days.
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The questioner : With Allah's blessing, we begin this episode with a message received from the listener Umm 'Aarif. In this message, she says: We are tribes and we have customs regarding condolences, which is that when a person dies among us or among our relatives, the condolences last three days and their nights, without any burden or serving coffee, but people gather at the home of the bereaved among their relatives for three consecutive days. Then I learned from your program that gathering is a type of wailing. Is there any blame in my going to offer condolences? We ask for guidance on this. May Allah reward you with good?
The Shaykh : Praise be to Allah, Lord of the worlds, and I send prayers and peace upon our Prophet Muhammad, and upon his family and all his Companions. There is no doubt that the death of a loved one is a calamity that befalls the servant, as Allah the Exalted said:[Al-Baqarah 2:155-157] This calamity is something that a person should, indeed must, meet with patience, and he should seek its reward from Allah (Mighty and Majestic), for these calamities expiate sins. If a person is patient with them, he is rewarded with another reward, the reward of the patient. So let him be patient, let him seek reward, and let him say what Allah guided to: "Indeed, to Allah we belong and to Him we return" and what the Sunnah brought: Sahih Muslim 918a She said: "O Allah, reward me in my calamity and replace for me something better than him" And she used to say, "Who is better than Abu Salama!" meaning she expected that what would come would be better than him. When her waiting period ended, the Messenger of Allah (peace and blessings be upon him) proposed to her, and he was better for her than Abu Salama.
Then, it is necessary for the Muslim brothers of a bereaved person, when they see him affected by the calamity, to do what strengthens him to endure this calamity and bear it. They should console him with what serves as consolation and strength for him. The best way to console is what is established by the hadith from the Prophet (peace and blessings be upon him) that one of his daughters sent to him to inform him that a boy of hers was very weak or was in the throes of death. The Messenger of Allah (peace and blessings be upon him) said to the one she sent: These great, bright words, if a person reflects on them, he will be patient and seek reward, and he will know that there is no turning back from the decree of Allah, and that the matter is from Allah to Him, and that sadness and grief bring no good. Indeed, it is established from the Prophet (peace and blessings be upon him) that the deceased is punished by the weeping of his family over him, meaning it causes him distress and he suffers and is concerned. This is not a punishment of retribution, for no bearer of burden carries the burden of another, and because the weeping that occurs to a person by mere nature, which he does not feign, is not blameworthy, so neither the weeper nor the deceased is punished for it. But the deceased feels this weeping and suffers and is tormented, and it is similar to his saying (peace and blessings be upon him): Sahih al-Bukhari 5429 It does not mean that the journey is a part of the punishment.
The important thing is that it is necessary for the Muslim, when he sees his brother affected, to console him with words that strengthen his heart and help him bear this calamity.
What is not meant by condolences is holding mourning gatherings and assembling people who come from every direction, and perhaps they prepare food, and perhaps they light many lamps, and perhaps they set up tents around the house, and similar matters that are blameworthy, in which there is nothing but a title of protesting against the decree of Allah (Mighty and Majestic) and not being pleased with His judgment, or displaying joy and happiness at the loss of this deceased. For such an action indicates one of two things: either dissatisfaction with the decree and destiny of Allah and meeting that with such matters, or that the person is happy with his death and makes this like a picnic. But the predominant intention is the first, that this is to display dissatisfaction, pain, and sadness, and similar things.
And they, meaning the Salaf, used to consider gathering with the family of the deceased to be a type of wailing. So it is obligatory to be cautious of this thing, and to preserve time, preserve money, preserve fatigue, and not tire people, and to remove these blameworthy things. Then, some people send food, sheep, and similar things to the family of the deceased, clinging to the saying of the Messenger (peace and blessings be upon him):Sunan Ibn Majah 1610Hasan (Darussalam) And in reality, they have no basis for this, because the Messenger (peace and blessings be upon him) said: Sunan Ibn Majah 1610Hasan (Darussalam) So when the family of Ja'far received the news of his death, they grieved for it and did not have the leisure to prepare food, so the Prophet (peace and blessings be upon him) ordered that food be prepared for them. And we are now, praise be to Allah, in a time where such things do not occupy us from preparing food, because preparing food is easy and simple; it is done by servants if there is a servant, or it is bought from the lowest place in the restaurants.
The questioner : Very well.
The Shaykh : And there is no hardship in this at all. Then, what the Messenger (peace and blessings be upon him) ordered, what the Messenger (peace and blessings be upon him) ordered, was only that food be prepared for the family of Ja'far, and not that slaughtered animals and sheep be sent to them and similar things.
So what I call my Muslim brothers to do is to spare themselves fatigue, wasting time, and wasting money, and to refrain from this matter, because they have no good in it; rather, they are closer to sin in it than to safety. Yes.
The Shaykh : Praise be to Allah, Lord of the worlds, and I send prayers and peace upon our Prophet Muhammad, and upon his family and all his Companions. There is no doubt that the death of a loved one is a calamity that befalls the servant, as Allah the Exalted said:
(155) And We will surely test you with something of fear and hunger and a loss of wealth and lives and fruits, but give good tidings to the patient, (156) Who, when disaster strikes them, say, "Indeed we belong to Allah, and indeed to Him we will return." (157) Those are the ones upon whom are blessings from their Lord and mercy. And it is those who are the [rightly] guided.
ولنبلونكم بشيء من الخوف والجوع ونقص من الأموال والأنفس والثمرات وبشر الصابرين * الذي إذا أصابتهم مصيبة قالوا إنا لله وإنا إليه راجعون * أولئك عليهم صلوات من ربهم ورحمة وأولئك هم المهتدونO Allah, reward me for my affliction and give me something better than it in exchange for it
اللهم أجرني في مصيبتي وأخلف لي خيرا منهاThen, it is necessary for the Muslim brothers of a bereaved person, when they see him affected by the calamity, to do what strengthens him to endure this calamity and bear it. They should console him with what serves as consolation and strength for him. The best way to console is what is established by the hadith from the Prophet (peace and blessings be upon him) that one of his daughters sent to him to inform him that a boy of hers was very weak or was in the throes of death. The Messenger of Allah (peace and blessings be upon him) said to the one she sent:
Tell her to be patient and to seek reward, for to Allah belongs what He has taken and what He has left, and everything with Him is by a specified term.
مُرها فلتصبر ولتحتسب فإن لله ما أخذ وله ما أبقى وكل شيء عنده بأجل مسمىTraveling is a kind of torture
السفر قطعة من العذابThe important thing is that it is necessary for the Muslim, when he sees his brother affected, to console him with words that strengthen his heart and help him bear this calamity.
What is not meant by condolences is holding mourning gatherings and assembling people who come from every direction, and perhaps they prepare food, and perhaps they light many lamps, and perhaps they set up tents around the house, and similar matters that are blameworthy, in which there is nothing but a title of protesting against the decree of Allah (Mighty and Majestic) and not being pleased with His judgment, or displaying joy and happiness at the loss of this deceased. For such an action indicates one of two things: either dissatisfaction with the decree and destiny of Allah and meeting that with such matters, or that the person is happy with his death and makes this like a picnic. But the predominant intention is the first, that this is to display dissatisfaction, pain, and sadness, and similar things.
And they, meaning the Salaf, used to consider gathering with the family of the deceased to be a type of wailing. So it is obligatory to be cautious of this thing, and to preserve time, preserve money, preserve fatigue, and not tire people, and to remove these blameworthy things. Then, some people send food, sheep, and similar things to the family of the deceased, clinging to the saying of the Messenger (peace and blessings be upon him):
Prepare food for the family of Ja’far, for there has come to them that which is keeping them busy
اصنعوا لأل جعفر طعاما فقد أتاهم ما يشغلهمfor there has come to them that which is keeping them busy
فقد أتاهم ما يشغلهمThe questioner : Very well.
The Shaykh : And there is no hardship in this at all. Then, what the Messenger (peace and blessings be upon him) ordered, what the Messenger (peace and blessings be upon him) ordered, was only that food be prepared for the family of Ja'far, and not that slaughtered animals and sheep be sent to them and similar things.
So what I call my Muslim brothers to do is to spare themselves fatigue, wasting time, and wasting money, and to refrain from this matter, because they have no good in it; rather, they are closer to sin in it than to safety. Yes.