How is the condolence for the deceased to be conducted?
Machine translationRead the Arabic original
The questioner : How is the condolence for the deceased to be conducted?
The Shaykh : The condolence for the deceased is to mention to the person afflicted by the death what will strengthen him for patience and enduring the calamity. The best way to offer condolences is what the Prophet (peace and blessings be upon him) mentioned to one of his daughters when a child of hers died. He (peace and blessings be upon him) said to the messenger she sent to the Messenger of Allah (peace and blessings be upon him and his family):Sahih al-Bukhari 7377 This is the best way to console the afflicted. If one consoles him with other phrases that help the man be patient with the calamity and bear it, then there is nothing wrong with that. However, adhering to what the Sunnah brought is preferable to anything else.
Furthermore, condolence is not a matter that is considered necessary to the extent that doors are opened for it, lights are turned on, chairs are set up, and food is prepared. All of this is from the newly invented innovations that are forbidden, because the Companions (may Allah be pleased with them) " counted preparing food and gathering for it at the house of the deceased as wailing", and wailing is forbidden, indeed it is among the major sins. Therefore, we see that the prescribed condolence is that whenever you find the afflicted person in the house, or in the market, or in the mosque, if he is from the people of the market or the mosque, and you see him grieved, you should encourage him to be patient and say to him: "Be patient and seek reward from Allah. To Allah belongs what He takes, and to Him belongs what He gives, and everything with Him is by a specified term. What was is not going to change from what it was, and this world is one from which everyone departs," and the like of such words that make him bear this calamity.
As for what you referred to, which some people do in condolence and hold as if they are holding wedding nights, this is a blameworthy innovation, especially since it sometimes results in mixed gatherings, and sometimes results in gathering around a reciter whom they pay to recite for the soul of the deceased, as they claim. In reality, the deceased does not benefit from his recitation, because this reciter usually only recites for money, and whoever recites for money has no reward, because what is intended for the Face of Allah, if the worldly life is intended with it, is invalid. Allah the Exalted said:[Hud 11:15-16].
My advice to my brothers who have become accustomed to this bad habit is that they repent to Allah (Mighty and Majestic) and that they close their doors and not open them to anyone. I also advise my brothers who come from far away, flocking to the family of the deceased to hold the condolence, as they claim. I advise them not to stir up any commotion, but to remain in their lands, and to call the afflicted by telephone to console them, or to write them letters to console them. As for these surging delegations that come from every place, they are in reality physical, financial, and religious fatigue, because it is a gathering for something not prescribed, but rather for something newly invented. Did the Messenger (peace and blessings be upon him) and his Companions and those who followed them in excellence hold such a condolence? Their biographies are before us; they never did that. Rather, this is a newly invented matter, and it is not far-fetched that its cause is the colonization of some Islamic lands by the Christians, for the Christians and other disbelievers see these calamities as purely material, and they want to console themselves with such gatherings from thinking about them. But the believer does not console himself with such matters. The believer consoles himself with his faith, with his reliance upon Allah and his dependence on Him, with his satisfaction with His decree and destiny, with spiritual and moral matters that are not purely material, as the disbelievers of the Jews and Christians and others do. But some people picked it up and adopted it, and then it became a custom. We ask Allah for us and for our brothers to guide us to His straight path, the path of those upon whom Allah has bestowed favor, of the prophets, the truthful, the martyrs, and the righteous.
The questioner : Amen. May Allah bless you for this blessed guidance. This listener, A.A.J., says.
The Shaykh : The condolence for the deceased is to mention to the person afflicted by the death what will strengthen him for patience and enduring the calamity. The best way to offer condolences is what the Prophet (peace and blessings be upon him) mentioned to one of his daughters when a child of hers died. He (peace and blessings be upon him) said to the messenger she sent to the Messenger of Allah (peace and blessings be upon him and his family):
that whatever Allah takes is His, and whatever He gives is His, and everything with Him has a limited fixed term (in this world). So order her to be patient and hope for Allah's reward.
إن لله ما أخذ وله ما أعطى وكل شيء عنده بأجل مسمى، مرها فلتصبر ولتحتسبFurthermore, condolence is not a matter that is considered necessary to the extent that doors are opened for it, lights are turned on, chairs are set up, and food is prepared. All of this is from the newly invented innovations that are forbidden, because the Companions (may Allah be pleased with them) " counted preparing food and gathering for it at the house of the deceased as wailing", and wailing is forbidden, indeed it is among the major sins. Therefore, we see that the prescribed condolence is that whenever you find the afflicted person in the house, or in the market, or in the mosque, if he is from the people of the market or the mosque, and you see him grieved, you should encourage him to be patient and say to him: "Be patient and seek reward from Allah. To Allah belongs what He takes, and to Him belongs what He gives, and everything with Him is by a specified term. What was is not going to change from what it was, and this world is one from which everyone departs," and the like of such words that make him bear this calamity.
As for what you referred to, which some people do in condolence and hold as if they are holding wedding nights, this is a blameworthy innovation, especially since it sometimes results in mixed gatherings, and sometimes results in gathering around a reciter whom they pay to recite for the soul of the deceased, as they claim. In reality, the deceased does not benefit from his recitation, because this reciter usually only recites for money, and whoever recites for money has no reward, because what is intended for the Face of Allah, if the worldly life is intended with it, is invalid. Allah the Exalted said:
(15) Whoever desires the life of this world and its adornments - We fully repay them for their deeds therein, and they therein will not be deprived. (16) Those are the ones for whom there is not in the Hereafter but the Fire. And lost is what they did therein, and worthless is what they used to do.
مَنْ كَانَ يُرِيدُ الْحَيَاةَ الدُّنْيَا وَزِينَتَهَا نُوَفِّ إِلَيْهِمْ أَعْمَالَهُمْ فِيهَا وَهُمْ فِيهَا لا يُبْخَسُونَ * أُوْلَئِكَ الَّذِينَ لَيْسَ لَهُمْ فِي الآخِرَةِ إِلَّا النَّارُ وَحَبِطَ مَا صَنَعُوا فِيهَا وَبَاطِلٌ مَا كَانُوا يَعْمَلُونَMy advice to my brothers who have become accustomed to this bad habit is that they repent to Allah (Mighty and Majestic) and that they close their doors and not open them to anyone. I also advise my brothers who come from far away, flocking to the family of the deceased to hold the condolence, as they claim. I advise them not to stir up any commotion, but to remain in their lands, and to call the afflicted by telephone to console them, or to write them letters to console them. As for these surging delegations that come from every place, they are in reality physical, financial, and religious fatigue, because it is a gathering for something not prescribed, but rather for something newly invented. Did the Messenger (peace and blessings be upon him) and his Companions and those who followed them in excellence hold such a condolence? Their biographies are before us; they never did that. Rather, this is a newly invented matter, and it is not far-fetched that its cause is the colonization of some Islamic lands by the Christians, for the Christians and other disbelievers see these calamities as purely material, and they want to console themselves with such gatherings from thinking about them. But the believer does not console himself with such matters. The believer consoles himself with his faith, with his reliance upon Allah and his dependence on Him, with his satisfaction with His decree and destiny, with spiritual and moral matters that are not purely material, as the disbelievers of the Jews and Christians and others do. But some people picked it up and adopted it, and then it became a custom. We ask Allah for us and for our brothers to guide us to His straight path, the path of those upon whom Allah has bestowed favor, of the prophets, the truthful, the martyrs, and the righteous.
The questioner : Amen. May Allah bless you for this blessed guidance. This listener, A.A.J., says.