I, O honorable Shaykh, have been hurting my mother with my words or my harsh style for years, since my father’s death, but after a short time I regret and suffer over what I have done.
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The questioner : ... We begin this episode with a message received from listener M. J. J. from Samarra, Iraq. He says in this question: I, O honorable Shaykh, have been hurting my mother with my words or my harsh style for years, since my father’s death, but after a short time I regret and suffer over what I have done, and I intend to repent to Allah with a sincere repentance, but my emotional state and my nervous condition do not allow me to change how I treat my mother. Guide us, O honorable Shaykh, may Allah reward you?
The Shaykh : Praise be to Allah, Lord of the worlds, and I send prayers and peace upon our Prophet Muhammad, and upon his family and all his Companions. It is not hidden from anyone the greatness of the right of the parents, and that it is obligatory for a person to be dutiful to them in his speech, his action, his presence, and his wealth, and in every way possible of dutifulness. Allah the Exalted has placed the right of the parents after His right and the right of His Messenger. So He the Exalted said:[An-Nisa 4:36] And He the Exalted said: [Al-Isra 17:23] And Allah, Glorified and Exalted is He, commanded kindness to the parents, so He the Exalted said: [Al-Ahqaf 46:15] And Allah, Glorified and Exalted is He, commanded us to make du'a' for them, so He said: [Al-Isra 17:24] And He, Mighty and Majestic, commanded us to lower to them the wing of humility out of mercy, and He, Glorified and Exalted is He, commanded us to say to them a kind word. The hadiths regarding dutifulness to the parents are numerous, to the extent that the Prophet (peace and blessings be upon him) placed it in the second position after prayer at its proper time. In the hadith of Ibn Mas'ud (may Allah be pleased with him): Riyad as-Salihin 1286 And he asked him—meaning a man asked the Prophet (peace and blessings be upon him)—who is most deserving of my good companionship? He said: I said: Then who? He said: I said: Then who? He said: And in the third or fourth position he said: .
So it is obligatory for a person to be dutiful to his parents and to be good in his companionship with them, whether they are Muslims or disbelievers. For this reason, Allah the Exalted said:[Luqman 31:15] And I advise this brother, the questioner, to fear Allah, Mighty and Majestic, in his mother, and to be good in his companionship with her. And if he sees anger in himself, let him say: "I seek refuge in Allah from the accursed Shaytan," and let him sit down if he is standing, and let him lie down if he is sitting, as the Prophet (peace and blessings be upon him) commanded.
And if he is sincere in his intention and loves to be dutiful to her, then Allah, Glorified and Exalted is He, will help him in that. And in achieving his repentance, he must seek her forgiveness for what he did to her, because this is the right of a human being, and the right of a human being is not completed in repentance except by seeking forgiveness from them, either by absolving them or by fulfilling the right. And let him know that dutifulness, as the people of the past said, is that if you advance dutifulness to your parents, then your children will be dutiful to you. And if the matter is the opposite, then expect the undutifulness of your children. Yes.
The questioner : May Allah bless you.
The Shaykh : Praise be to Allah, Lord of the worlds, and I send prayers and peace upon our Prophet Muhammad, and upon his family and all his Companions. It is not hidden from anyone the greatness of the right of the parents, and that it is obligatory for a person to be dutiful to them in his speech, his action, his presence, and his wealth, and in every way possible of dutifulness. Allah the Exalted has placed the right of the parents after His right and the right of His Messenger. So He the Exalted said:
Worship Allah and associate nothing with Him, and to parents do good
واعبدوا الله ولا تشركوا به شيئا وبالوالدين إحساناAnd your Lord has decreed that you not worship except Him, and to parents, good treatment
وقضى ربك ألا تعبدوا إلا إياه وبالوالدين إحساناAnd We have enjoined upon man, to his parents, good treatment.
ووصينا الإنسان بوالديه إحساناand say, "My Lord, have mercy upon them as they brought me up [when I was] small."
وقل رب ارحمهما كما ربياني صغيراI asked the Messenger of Allah (ﷺ): "Which action is dearest to Allah?" He (ﷺ) replied, "Performing As-Salat (the prayer) at its earliest fixed time." I asked, "What is next (in goodness)?" He (ﷺ) said, "Kindness towards parents." I asked, "What is next (in goodness)?" He (ﷺ) said, "To participate in Jihad in the Cause of Allah."
قال سألت النبي صلى الله عليه وسلم أي العمل أحب إلى الله قال الصلاة على وقتها قلت ثم أي قال بر الوالدين قلت ثم أي قال الجهاد في سبيل اللهYour mother
أمكYour mother
أمكYour mother
أمكThen your father
ثم أبوكSo it is obligatory for a person to be dutiful to his parents and to be good in his companionship with them, whether they are Muslims or disbelievers. For this reason, Allah the Exalted said:
But if they endeavor to make you associate with Me that of which you have no knowledge, do not obey them but accompany them in [this] world with appropriate kindness
وإن جاهداك على أن تُشرك بي ما ليس لك به علم فلا تطعهما وصاحبهما في الدنيا معروفاAnd if he is sincere in his intention and loves to be dutiful to her, then Allah, Glorified and Exalted is He, will help him in that. And in achieving his repentance, he must seek her forgiveness for what he did to her, because this is the right of a human being, and the right of a human being is not completed in repentance except by seeking forgiveness from them, either by absolving them or by fulfilling the right. And let him know that dutifulness, as the people of the past said, is that if you advance dutifulness to your parents, then your children will be dutiful to you. And if the matter is the opposite, then expect the undutifulness of your children. Yes.
The questioner : May Allah bless you.