The Obligation of Dutifulness to Parents and Caring for Them
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Question:
A letter arrived at the program from al-Azamiyyah in Baghdad, sent by one of the sisters from there. Her letter is actually lengthy. I ask the Shaykh’s permission to read it as it was sent.
She says: In the name of Allah, the Most Merciful, the Bestower of Mercy, and in Him we seek help. And may prayers and peace be upon Muhammad, and upon his family and all his Companions:
My message to you is the message of a believing Muslim mother who lived a life of over fifty years in the worship of Allah and in following the Sunnah of His noble Prophet (peace and blessings be upon him). She raised her eldest daughter in her own way until she married ten years ago, and then she began to distance herself from me, even though I tried to draw close to her, because her husband did not give her children for a reason known to him, and we left that to the will of Allah . In the recent period, I lost her completely; I know nothing about her, and news of her has been cut off. I, the mother who raised her to obey Allah and her parents, am searching for her in every corner and path, my mind confused, my heart anxious, my nerves on edge.
I am aware that I am under medical treatment, and the surgical operations performed on me so far have not cured me. I repeat: What is the ruling in the command of Allah the Exalted to be kind to parents, care for them, and not insult them with even a simple word (like "ugh")? How is this conduct that has disturbed me in my prayer and deprived me of the taste of humility? I call upon our sons to obey in what pleases Allah and His Messenger, and to leave their arbitrariness toward their parents in the name of a complete disconnection from their thoughts and opinions, which lack experience, compassion, and the reality that surrounds people.
So, I beg you, for the sake of Allah, for this mother who nursed, raised, educated, taught, and refined her child according to the Shari'ah of the Chosen Muhammad (peace and blessings be upon him) to be treated in this way.
I ask you, may Allah preserve you, to broadcast my letter more than once, as she has been listening to your broadcast for years, just as we all do. May you remain well, and our final prayer is that all praise is due to Allah, Lord of the worlds. She asks four questions, it seems, in light of what she mentioned, and says:
O Shaykh! What is the ruling of the Shari'ah regarding this action, where she left without a mahram with her and lied to her parents?
What is the ruling of the Shari'ah regarding this undutifulness and the treatment of parents who are from the people of Islam and faith?
What is the degree of authenticity of the hadith of the Messenger of Allah (peace and blessings be upon him) when he ordered one of the mujahideen to return from jihad and stay with his mother out of compassion for her, from the noble Prophet of Mercy (peace and blessings be upon him)?
Has it escaped the mind of the one who turns away from his parents that the noble Prophet (peace and blessings be upon him) advised regarding the mother three times and regarding the father once, and not regarding others? I ask you to be kind in providing guidance and direction regarding this issue.
And in fact, the letter is exactly in line with this topic, but its sender is our brother Abdullah al-Obaydi from Baghdad as well, and the topic is the same, as I said, O Shaykh.
Answer:
There is no doubt that dutifulness to parents, kindness to them, and gentleness with them are among the most important obligations and among the best acts of drawing near to Allah. Allah the Exalted has made the right of parents obligatory and commanded kindness to them in His great Book in many verses; among them is His saying (Glorified and Exalted is He): :[Al-Isra 17:23] And lower to them the wing of humility out of mercy, and say: “My Lord, have mercy upon them as they brought me up when I was small.” [Al-Isra: 23-24].
And among them is His saying in Surat Luqman: [Luqman: 14].
So, dutifulness to them is among the most important obligations. This action that this daughter committed is a bad and reprehensible act, and there is no doubt that it is undutifulness. It is obligatory for her to put her hand in her mother’s hand, and to ask her for leniency, permission, and forgiveness; because she has wronged her mother despite the great good, upbringing, kindness, and patience with the child’s harm that the mother did... and so on of what the mother does. This daughter should repent to Allah, return to Him the Exalted, and seek His forgiveness (Mighty and Majestic) for her sin and shortcoming, and put her hand in her mother’s hand, ask her for pardon, and seek her forgiveness.
And if there is something that happened from her mother that harms her, she can interpose someone she sees from the people of good and relatives to reconcile between her and her mother, if there is something that necessitated this severance and distance.
As for what concerns a woman traveling without a mahram, this is not permissible. She has no right to travel except with a mahram, as the Prophet (peace and blessings be upon him) ordered, where he said:Musannaf Ibn Abi Shaybah 9:2565 And the Prophet (peace and blessings be upon him) also said when a man said to him: “O Messenger of Allah! Who is most deserving of my good companionship?” He said: He said: Then who? He said: He said: Then who? He said: He said: Then who? He said: Jami` at-Tirmidhi 1897Hasan (Darussalam).
And in the other wording, he (peace and blessings be upon him) said when he was asked: “O Messenger of Allah! Who is most deserving of my good companionship?” He said: He said: Then who? He said: He said: Then who? He said: He said: Then who? He said: .
So, the right of the mother is greater and larger than the right of the father three times. Even jihad, if it is not an individual obligation, requires the permission of the parents or one of them if one of them is present. And jihad is one of the most important obligations and may become an individual obligation in some cases.
So, the result is that it is obligatory for the son to seek the permission of his parents for jihad if it is not an individual obligation, because of the greatness of their right. For this reason, he (peace and blessings be upon him) said when a man sought his permission for jihad: He said: Yes. He said: .
So, the point is: the right of parents is great. It is obligatory for sons and daughters to care for this matter, to be kind to their parents, to have mercy on their parents, to be good to their parents, to be gentle with their parents, and to be kind to their parents. This is part of the right of parents. May Allah grant everyone success and guidance.
The presenter: O Allah, amen. May Allah reward you with good.
A letter arrived at the program from al-Azamiyyah in Baghdad, sent by one of the sisters from there. Her letter is actually lengthy. I ask the Shaykh’s permission to read it as it was sent.
She says: In the name of Allah, the Most Merciful, the Bestower of Mercy, and in Him we seek help. And may prayers and peace be upon Muhammad, and upon his family and all his Companions:
My message to you is the message of a believing Muslim mother who lived a life of over fifty years in the worship of Allah and in following the Sunnah of His noble Prophet (peace and blessings be upon him). She raised her eldest daughter in her own way until she married ten years ago, and then she began to distance herself from me, even though I tried to draw close to her, because her husband did not give her children for a reason known to him, and we left that to the will of Allah . In the recent period, I lost her completely; I know nothing about her, and news of her has been cut off. I, the mother who raised her to obey Allah and her parents, am searching for her in every corner and path, my mind confused, my heart anxious, my nerves on edge.
I am aware that I am under medical treatment, and the surgical operations performed on me so far have not cured me. I repeat: What is the ruling in the command of Allah the Exalted to be kind to parents, care for them, and not insult them with even a simple word (like "ugh")? How is this conduct that has disturbed me in my prayer and deprived me of the taste of humility? I call upon our sons to obey in what pleases Allah and His Messenger, and to leave their arbitrariness toward their parents in the name of a complete disconnection from their thoughts and opinions, which lack experience, compassion, and the reality that surrounds people.
So, I beg you, for the sake of Allah, for this mother who nursed, raised, educated, taught, and refined her child according to the Shari'ah of the Chosen Muhammad (peace and blessings be upon him) to be treated in this way.
I ask you, may Allah preserve you, to broadcast my letter more than once, as she has been listening to your broadcast for years, just as we all do. May you remain well, and our final prayer is that all praise is due to Allah, Lord of the worlds. She asks four questions, it seems, in light of what she mentioned, and says:
O Shaykh! What is the ruling of the Shari'ah regarding this action, where she left without a mahram with her and lied to her parents?
What is the ruling of the Shari'ah regarding this undutifulness and the treatment of parents who are from the people of Islam and faith?
What is the degree of authenticity of the hadith of the Messenger of Allah (peace and blessings be upon him) when he ordered one of the mujahideen to return from jihad and stay with his mother out of compassion for her, from the noble Prophet of Mercy (peace and blessings be upon him)?
Has it escaped the mind of the one who turns away from his parents that the noble Prophet (peace and blessings be upon him) advised regarding the mother three times and regarding the father once, and not regarding others? I ask you to be kind in providing guidance and direction regarding this issue.
And in fact, the letter is exactly in line with this topic, but its sender is our brother Abdullah al-Obaydi from Baghdad as well, and the topic is the same, as I said, O Shaykh.
Answer:
There is no doubt that dutifulness to parents, kindness to them, and gentleness with them are among the most important obligations and among the best acts of drawing near to Allah. Allah the Exalted has made the right of parents obligatory and commanded kindness to them in His great Book in many verses; among them is His saying (Glorified and Exalted is He): :
And your Lord has decreed that you not worship except Him, and to parents, good treatment. Whether one or both of them reach old age [while] with you, say not to them [so much as], "uff," and do not repel them but speak to them a noble word.
وَقَضَى رَبُّكَ أَلاَّ تَعْبُدُوا إِلاَّ إِيَّاهُ وَبِالْوَالِدَيْنِ إِحْسَاناً إِمَّا يَبْلُغَنَّ عِنْدَكَ الْكِبَرَ أَحَدُهُمَا أَوْ كِلاهُمَا فَلا تَقُلْ لَهُمَا أُفٍّ وَلا تَنْهَرْهُمَا وَقُلْ لَهُمَا قَوْلًا كَرِيمًا And among them is His saying in Surat Luqman:
Be grateful to Me and to your parents; to Me is the [final] destination.
أَنْ اشْكُرْ لِي وَلِوَالِدَيْكَ إِلَيَّ الْمَصِيرُSo, dutifulness to them is among the most important obligations. This action that this daughter committed is a bad and reprehensible act, and there is no doubt that it is undutifulness. It is obligatory for her to put her hand in her mother’s hand, and to ask her for leniency, permission, and forgiveness; because she has wronged her mother despite the great good, upbringing, kindness, and patience with the child’s harm that the mother did... and so on of what the mother does. This daughter should repent to Allah, return to Him the Exalted, and seek His forgiveness (Mighty and Majestic) for her sin and shortcoming, and put her hand in her mother’s hand, ask her for pardon, and seek her forgiveness.
And if there is something that happened from her mother that harms her, she can interpose someone she sees from the people of good and relatives to reconcile between her and her mother, if there is something that necessitated this severance and distance.
As for what concerns a woman traveling without a mahram, this is not permissible. She has no right to travel except with a mahram, as the Prophet (peace and blessings be upon him) ordered, where he said:
A woman should not travel except with a mahram
لا تسافر امرأة إلا مع ذي محرمYour mother
أمكYour mother
أمكYour mother
أمكyour father, then the nearest relatives, then the nearest relatives
أباك، ثم الأقرب فالأقربAnd in the other wording, he (peace and blessings be upon him) said when he was asked: “O Messenger of Allah! Who is most deserving of my good companionship?” He said:
Your mother
أمكYour mother
أمكYour mother
أمكYour father.
أبوكSo, the right of the mother is greater and larger than the right of the father three times. Even jihad, if it is not an individual obligation, requires the permission of the parents or one of them if one of them is present. And jihad is one of the most important obligations and may become an individual obligation in some cases.
So, the result is that it is obligatory for the son to seek the permission of his parents for jihad if it is not an individual obligation, because of the greatness of their right. For this reason, he (peace and blessings be upon him) said when a man sought his permission for jihad:
Are your parents alive?
أحي والداك؟So strive in them.
ففيهما فجاهدSo, the point is: the right of parents is great. It is obligatory for sons and daughters to care for this matter, to be kind to their parents, to have mercy on their parents, to be good to their parents, to be gentle with their parents, and to be kind to their parents. This is part of the right of parents. May Allah grant everyone success and guidance.
The presenter: O Allah, amen. May Allah reward you with good.
Source
binbaz.org.sa
The Arabic text is copied verbatim from the original source, without any edits.