What is the ruling on boycotting one’s wife for more than three days?
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The questioner : What is the ruling on boycotting one’s wife for more than three days?
The Shaykh : First, it must be known that it is obligatory for marital happiness that the relationship between the two spouses be on the best possible terms, as Allah the Exalted said: He does not treat her harshly, and she does not fall short in his rights.
Second, if that is not possible, Allah Blessed and Exalted said:[An-Nisa 4:34] Boycotting in the beds until she is reconciled has no time limit. If that is not possible and discord is feared between them, it is obligatory for the judge to appoint two arbitrators who know the matters, who know the conditions of the husband and wife, and who know the benefit in separating or uniting them. They should fear Allah Mighty and Majestic and look into the matter of the husband and wife. If they desire reconciliation, Allah will bring about reconciliation between them. If that is not possible after the arbitrators, a second trial is held until what brings about reconciliation is achieved, whether separation or reconciliation. However, if the woman hates her husband and cannot bear him, the judge intervenes and says to her: Will you return to him the mahr (bridal gift) that you took? If she says: Yes, he asks the husband to divorce her for her mahr, as the Prophet (peace and blessings be upon him) did with the wife of Thabit ibn Qays ibn Shammās. She (may Allah be pleased with her) was defiant toward her husband and hated him, and she came to the Prophet (peace and blessings be upon him) and said: I am defiant, meaning it appears so, though she may not have been defiant, and from the time what was in her heart occurred, she went to the Prophet (peace and blessings be upon him) and said: O Messenger of Allah! I find no fault in Thabit ibn Qays in his character or his religion; he is upright in religion and upright in character, but I hate disbelief in Islam, meaning hatred of the husband. He said to her: She said: Yes. So he ordered him to take the garden and divorce her, meaning to separate from her, and he did so. But the scholars differed: Is the saying of the Messenger (peace and blessings be upon him) to her husband Thabit, “Divorce her,” a binding order or a guiding order? Some held that it is a binding order and said: If the situation does not improve, what is the benefit of remaining, and the husband is guaranteed what he paid her, so no harm remains upon him, and if the wife returns to him, it will only make the situation worse. I cannot say that this is the correct view, nor that the order is for guidance is the correct view. I say: The order revolves between guidance and obligation, and this is referred to the judge’s view in the case. He may see that it is better for the husband to be forced to divorce if he refuses, and he may see that it is more beneficial for the wife to remain.
The questioner : May Allah reward you for this guidance. The questioner, F. A. from al-Qasim, al-Fawarah, says: I have this question, and I ask Allah, then you, to answer it for the honorable Shaykh Muhammad ibn Salih al-Uthaymeen. She says:
The Shaykh : First, it must be known that it is obligatory for marital happiness that the relationship between the two spouses be on the best possible terms, as Allah the Exalted said:
And live with them in kindness
وَعَاشِرُوهُنَّ بِالْمَعْرُوفِSecond, if that is not possible, Allah Blessed and Exalted said:
But those [wives] from whom you fear arrogance - [first] advise them; [then if they persist], forsake them in bed; and [finally], strike them
وَاللَّاتِي تَخَافُونَ نُشُوزَهُنَّ فَعِظُوهُنَّ وَاهْجُرُوهُنَّ فِي الْمَضَاجِعِ وَاضْرِبُوهُنَّWill you return his garden to him?
أتردّين حديقته عليهThe questioner : May Allah reward you for this guidance. The questioner, F. A. from al-Qasim, al-Fawarah, says: I have this question, and I ask Allah, then you, to answer it for the honorable Shaykh Muhammad ibn Salih al-Uthaymeen. She says: