What are the rights of the husband over the wife, and the rights of the wife over the husband?
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The questioner : What are the rights of the wife over her husband, and the rights of the husband over his wife? I ask you to clarify this fully.
The Shaykh : The rights of the husband over his wife and the rights of the wife over her husband are summarized by Allah (Mighty and Majestic) in His saying: and in His saying (Mighty and Majestic): [Al-Baqarah 2:228] So the right of each one over the other is what is established by custom, and customs differ according to times and places. However, there are matters that are upon the husband in all circumstances, and matters that are upon the wife in all circumstances. Among the matters that are upon the husband in all circumstances is providing for her maintenance, including food, drink, clothing, and housing. This is based on the saying of the Prophet (peace and blessings be upon him) while he was addressing the people during the Farewell Pilgrimage on the Day of 'Arafah, in the largest gathering where the Muslims assembled around their Prophet (peace and blessings be upon him). He (peace and blessings be upon him) said: Sunan Abi Dawud 1905Sahih (Al-Albani) It is not permissible for a man to be deficient in any of these matters regarding his wife; rather, it is obligatory for him to fulfill this completely, except if the woman is defiant, meaning she is disobedient to her husband in what she is obligated to obey him in. In that case, he may withhold from her what is due to her. When it becomes obligatory for him to provide maintenance and he refuses, his wife has the right to take from his wealth the amount of her maintenance in a good manner. The wife has the right to take from his wealth the amount of her maintenance in a good manner, even if he does not know about it. This is because Hind bint 'Utbah sought permission from the Prophet (peace and blessings be upon him)—indeed, she consulted the Prophet (peace and blessings be upon him)—regarding her situation with her husband Abu Sufyan. She said: "He is a stingy man who does not give me what suffices me and my child." The Prophet (peace and blessings be upon him) said:
As for the right of the husband over his wife in all circumstances, it is what the Prophet (peace and blessings be upon him) indicated in the Farewell Pilgrimage in his sermon on the Day of 'Arafah when he said:Musannaf Ibn Abi Shaybah 9:2091 It is not permissible for a woman to allow anyone to enter her husband's house while he dislikes it, even if it is her closest relative, because the house is his house and the right is his right. She is also obligated to obey him; she is obligated to obey him in what is his right. If he calls her to the bed, it is obligatory for her to obey him, unless there is harm to her in doing so or it would cause her to miss an obligatory duty from the obligations of Allah. If she does not do so, the Prophet (peace and blessings be upon him) informed: Sahih al-Bukhari 5193
As for the absolute rights that are delegated to custom, these differ according to customs. For example, is it obligatory for a woman to serve her husband in household affairs such as cooking, washing, and the like? We say: this returns to custom. If it is the custom of people that the woman performs these tasks, it is obligatory for her to perform them. If the custom is not that the wife performs them, but rather someone else does, then it is not obligatory for the wife to do so. The wives of the Companions (may Allah be pleased with them) used to do such things, as Fatimah complained to the Messenger of Allah (peace and blessings be upon him) about the fatigue she found from the grinding stone, because she was grinding grain for the food of the house. And as the wife of al-Zubayr ibn al-'Awwam used to carry date pits from Madinah to his orchard outside Madinah. So what the Lawgiver did not specify who among the two spouses should perform is according to custom, based on the saying of the Exalted:
And here with us in the Kingdom of Saudi Arabia, the woman performs such matters, meaning cooking, washing the house, and the like. People still do it this way. However, if the custom changes and becomes established, and the one who performs these matters is no longer the wife, then the ruling is according to what the custom requires.
The questioner : Very well.
The Shaykh : Yes.
The questioner : May Allah reward you, O honorable Shaykh, and may He magnify your reward for what you have clarified for us in this week's episode.
The Shaykh : The rights of the husband over his wife and the rights of the wife over her husband are summarized by Allah (Mighty and Majestic) in His saying:
And live with them in kindness
وَعَاشِرُوهُنَّ بِالْمَعْرُوفِAnd due to the wives is similar to what is expected of them, according to what is reasonable. But the men have a degree over them [in responsibility and authority].
وَلَهُنَّ مِثْلُ الَّذِي عَلَيْهِنَّ بِالْمَعْرُوفِ وَلِلرِّجَالِ عَلَيْهِنَّ دَرَجَةٌYou are responsible for providing them with food and clothing in a fitting manner
لهن عليكم رزقهن وكسوتهن بالمعروفTake from his wealth what is sufficient for you and your child, in a proper manner.
خذي من ماله ما يكفيك وولدك بالمعروفAs for the right of the husband over his wife in all circumstances, it is what the Prophet (peace and blessings be upon him) indicated in the Farewell Pilgrimage in his sermon on the Day of 'Arafah when he said:
And you have the right over them that they do not allow anyone you dislike to sit on your beds.
ولكم عليهن ألا يوطئن فرَشكم أحداً تكرهونهIf a man Invites his wife to sleep with him and she refuses to come to him, then the angels send their curses on her till morning.
أن من دعا امرأته إلى فراشه فأبت أن تجيء لعنتها الملائكة حتى تصبحAs for the absolute rights that are delegated to custom, these differ according to customs. For example, is it obligatory for a woman to serve her husband in household affairs such as cooking, washing, and the like? We say: this returns to custom. If it is the custom of people that the woman performs these tasks, it is obligatory for her to perform them. If the custom is not that the wife performs them, but rather someone else does, then it is not obligatory for the wife to do so. The wives of the Companions (may Allah be pleased with them) used to do such things, as Fatimah complained to the Messenger of Allah (peace and blessings be upon him) about the fatigue she found from the grinding stone, because she was grinding grain for the food of the house. And as the wife of al-Zubayr ibn al-'Awwam used to carry date pits from Madinah to his orchard outside Madinah. So what the Lawgiver did not specify who among the two spouses should perform is according to custom, based on the saying of the Exalted:
And live with them in kindness
وَعَاشِرُوهُنَّ بِالْمَعْرُوفِAnd here with us in the Kingdom of Saudi Arabia, the woman performs such matters, meaning cooking, washing the house, and the like. People still do it this way. However, if the custom changes and becomes established, and the one who performs these matters is no longer the wife, then the ruling is according to what the custom requires.
The questioner : Very well.
The Shaykh : Yes.
The questioner : May Allah reward you, O honorable Shaykh, and may He magnify your reward for what you have clarified for us in this week's episode.