A woman tells her husband every time he invites her to the bed

The Shaykh : This is a question about a real situation; it is, in a sense, regrettable and represents the relationships of people, and in particular, husbands with their wives. The questioner says: A woman tells her husband every time he invites her to the bed, what does she say? "For the sake of Allah, leave me alone." And she says, "If you love Allah and His Messenger, do not come to the house." And when he reminds her of a hadith, she says, "If it were for the benefit of women, I would not have mentioned it to you," and she refuses. The question is: Does he commit a sin if he goes to his wife and comes to his house? Naturally, the question has two parts; this is the first. The second part of the question is: Is it permissible for her to be dutiful to her mother with these actions because her mother-in-law does not like him, as is the custom of mothers-in-law in this age? The answer, regarding the first part—does he commit a sin if he goes to his wife and comes to his house? We say with complete frankness: he commits a sin if he fulfills her oath, meaning if he does not enjoy her and does not come to the house for her sake. This is the sin. If it is said, "She swore by Allah the Exalted and Majestic," we say: Yes, she is sinful for this oath because she wants to forbid what Allah the Exalted and Majestic has made lawful, and indeed what Allah has made obligatory for the man toward the woman, and for the man himself, in terms of enjoyment, satisfying desire, and protecting himself and her. But women, because of their disbelief and ignorance, do not care about the consequences of their affairs until the event occurs and the catastrophe descends upon them. At that time, as they say, after the ruin of Basra, they become aware of their previous crookedness. In conclusion, it is obligatory for this husband not to fulfill his wife's oath. First, and rather, it is obligatory for him to come to the house and not leave the house for her sake. And second, and rather, it is obligatory for him to compel her to the bed so that he may satisfy his desire from her, so that he protects himself and his self does not fall into what Allah has forbidden, and so that his self does not also desire what Allah has forbidden. As for this wife, if she is doing these actions in obedience to her mother and out of spite from this mother toward her son-in-law, she is also sinful, with two sins. Because on one hand, she obeys her mother in disobedience to Allah, and on the other hand, she disobeys her husband because of that. But I want, after this clear and evident answer, to remind the men that it is obligatory for them not to forget themselves and the rights and obligations they have toward women within the limits of the Shari'ah. For we know by experience and by the news that comes to us that often the defiance of women and their going out of obedience to the husband, the cause is the husband himself. Either he is severe, of a harsh nature, does not fulfill the obligation of financial maintenance within his ability, or he falls short with her in what is obligatory for her from him. So she, consequently, meets him with the same. Therefore, we men should not forget ourselves and not always and forever cast the blame on our wives, because in many cases the cause originates from ourselves. This is a reminder, and the reminder benefits the believers.