What is your opinion regarding inquiring into the character of the suitor?
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The questioner : Inquiring into the character of the suitor, what is your opinion on that?
The Shaykh : Inquiring into the character of the suitor is obligatory, with a confirmed obligation, especially in this time when the good has become mixed with the bad, and forgery and false description have become widespread, and false testimony has become common. It may be found among the suitors one who appears righteous, upright, and of good character, while in reality he is the opposite.
He may also forge, in addition to his appearance, a false image to the bride and her family that he is upright and of good character. His family may support what he has forged, and another witness from outside the family may come and testify to his righteousness and uprightness. Then, when the contract is concluded, it becomes clear that the matter is the opposite in his religion and character. For this reason, I see that it is obligatory, with a confirmed obligation, to inquire, and the inquiry should be thorough. It does no harm if the response is delayed by ten days, twenty days, or a month, so that the person is on clear knowledge. If it becomes clear that the suitor is as described and is one whose religion and character are acceptable, let him be married. It is not permissible for anyone to object to the bride’s desire for such a man for any reason, because we hear that some guardians prevent the marriage of their ward to a man whose religion and character are acceptable, and she has accepted him, on the basis of weak excuses, such as saying that he is not from our tribe, or saying that he does not have a degree while the woman has a degree, or saying that he does not have a job even though his affairs are in order, and other such cold, false justifications.
Some people prevent the marriage of their ward because she studies and earns from her salary, so they make her a source of income for them and prevent her marriage for this purpose.
The important point is that I advise such guardians and say to them: Fear Allah regarding those whom Allah has entrusted to you. Do not prevent women from marrying those whose religion and character they are pleased with, for the sake of your personal interests or your customs that contradict the guidance of the Prophet (peace and blessings be upon him), or otherwise.
I also advise them again regarding the opposite of this matter, which is to marry her to someone she does not desire, for that is forbidden for them, and the marriage is not valid according to the stronger opinion, even if the one forcing her is the father. Because the Prophet (peace and blessings be upon him) said:Jami` at-Tirmidhi 1107Sahih (Darussalam) And he said regarding the previously married woman: Musannaf Ibn Abi Shaybah 6:78 Rather, in "Sahih Muslim", the Prophet (peace and blessings be upon him) said: So he specified the virgin and he specified the father. It is not permissible to force a woman to marry someone she does not want to marry, whatever the reasons may be.
There is no blame on the father if he finds that she does not want to marry at all. There is no blame on the father or any other guardian if they do not marry her in this case, even if she remains single for her entire life, because this is by her choice, so they did not prevent her.
The questioner : May Allah bless you, O honorable Shaykh. The listener is Muhammad Abdullah from Riyadh.
The Shaykh : Inquiring into the character of the suitor is obligatory, with a confirmed obligation, especially in this time when the good has become mixed with the bad, and forgery and false description have become widespread, and false testimony has become common. It may be found among the suitors one who appears righteous, upright, and of good character, while in reality he is the opposite.
He may also forge, in addition to his appearance, a false image to the bride and her family that he is upright and of good character. His family may support what he has forged, and another witness from outside the family may come and testify to his righteousness and uprightness. Then, when the contract is concluded, it becomes clear that the matter is the opposite in his religion and character. For this reason, I see that it is obligatory, with a confirmed obligation, to inquire, and the inquiry should be thorough. It does no harm if the response is delayed by ten days, twenty days, or a month, so that the person is on clear knowledge. If it becomes clear that the suitor is as described and is one whose religion and character are acceptable, let him be married. It is not permissible for anyone to object to the bride’s desire for such a man for any reason, because we hear that some guardians prevent the marriage of their ward to a man whose religion and character are acceptable, and she has accepted him, on the basis of weak excuses, such as saying that he is not from our tribe, or saying that he does not have a degree while the woman has a degree, or saying that he does not have a job even though his affairs are in order, and other such cold, false justifications.
Some people prevent the marriage of their ward because she studies and earns from her salary, so they make her a source of income for them and prevent her marriage for this purpose.
The important point is that I advise such guardians and say to them: Fear Allah regarding those whom Allah has entrusted to you. Do not prevent women from marrying those whose religion and character they are pleased with, for the sake of your personal interests or your customs that contradict the guidance of the Prophet (peace and blessings be upon him), or otherwise.
I also advise them again regarding the opposite of this matter, which is to marry her to someone she does not desire, for that is forbidden for them, and the marriage is not valid according to the stronger opinion, even if the one forcing her is the father. Because the Prophet (peace and blessings be upon him) said:
a virgin should not be given in marriage until her permission is sought
لا تنكح البكر حتى تستأذنA virgin is not to be married until she is consulted.
لا تنكح حتى تُستأمرAnd the virgin is to be consulted by her father.
والبكر يستأمرها أبوهاThere is no blame on the father if he finds that she does not want to marry at all. There is no blame on the father or any other guardian if they do not marry her in this case, even if she remains single for her entire life, because this is by her choice, so they did not prevent her.
The questioner : May Allah bless you, O honorable Shaykh. The listener is Muhammad Abdullah from Riyadh.