I want to buy a piece of land with my money, and my father refuses. Is it obligatory for me to obey him?

The Shaykh : What is it today? You think you are stingy and miserly, but you rush us on the phone, question after question after question, five, seven, ten. Now, if your wind blows, seize it.

The questioner : A telephone consultation.

The Shaykh : It is this.

The questioner : Perhaps... in hearing your voice.

The questioner : A question, O Shaykh, if you please.

The Shaykh: Go ahead.

The questioner : Regarding obedience to the father, may Allah send blessings and peace upon our master Muhammad. I wanted to buy land. I am originally from Kuwait, but now I have settled in Amman. I wanted to buy land, and my father learned of my intention to buy from some of his associates. He called me on the phone, and I told him that I had the intention to buy land in Jordan. He said to me that the current time is approaching war and the conditions are not good, so keep your money on the basis that you will spend from it. I told him that there is much good and, if Allah wills, what we will spend from will remain. He said, "You are a son who does not listen to words," and he hung up the phone in my face. So, should I obey him in this and not buy, or should I buy? I know that if I buy, I will have from my savings, praise be to Allah, enough for me and my family, and I will not be in a financially embarrassing situation. Also, I see that the situation is safer for me than keeping the money, for example, and preserving it from this kind of thing. So, to what extent is my obedience to him in this aspect?

The Shaykh : By Allah, this requires a specific study regarding the father, because here two matters conflict: a benefit and a harm. Your benefit, as you explained, is buying the land and preserving the money, and the harm is disobeying the father. We learned from the righteous Salaf not to rush in answering such a matter negatively or positively. It was reported in the Musnad of Imam Ahmad that a man came to Abu al-Darda' and said to him: "I have a wife, and my mother orders me to divorce her. What do you say?" It was mentioned that in both of the two commands, just as you mentioned exactly, he did not say to the questioner "Divorce" or "Do not divorce." Rather, he said to him: "I heard the Messenger of Allah (peace and blessings be upon him) say: " So he did not give a decisive answer on the matter, because there is precision and sensitivity in it.
But we learned from the principles of jurisprudence and the application of some branches to them that one must look at the character of that father or this one. Often a question comes like the one that came in the hadith of Abu al-Darda', so I say to him: If your father is like 'Umar ibn al-Khattab, then divorce. I mean by this that when 'Umar ibn al-Khattab ordered his son 'Abdullah ibn 'Umar to divorce his wife, he came to the Prophet (peace and blessings be upon him) and said to him: "O Messenger of Allah, I have a wife, and my father ordered me to divorce her." He said to him, may peace and blessings be upon him: There is no doubt that 'Umar ibn al-Khattab is known to be one of those inspired by revelation, as came in the authentic hadith, and he agreed with the Qur'an in many matters, as is also known. So, when one like him orders his son to divorce his wife, he does not do so in response to his emotion or his hatred of his daughter-in-law or the like, but rather he looks at the well-being of his son and orders him to divorce his wife. And in my opinion, most fathers today cannot be mentioned or compared to 'Umar ibn al-Khattab (may Allah be pleased with him), nor even to someone who is far below him in rank.
But due to the precision of the matter, we must first ask: Is this father committed to the Shari'ah or not? Second, if he is committed, is he known for having a correct opinion in how to handle matters or not? Then, regarding this specific question, does he need his son's help with money or not? Perhaps there are other things; if I, for example, were in the matter, I might be able to ask about other issues. If the answer to such questions is not so and not so and not so, then I say: I hope that the son is not blamed for disobeying the father when he wants to preserve his benefit, which he knows better than his father, let alone others.
This is what I am able to answer you with.

The questioner : To clarify the matter more: the father is not in need of me, by the grace of Allah, he has what suffices him and more. The second point: I have deposited a considerable amount with him. Perhaps it occurs to him that I will withdraw this amount, even though if I withdrew it, it would not harm him, because he has from his own property and his own liquidity what suffices him and more. Regarding his religion, he is like any ordinary Muslim man who establishes the prayer, but...

The Shaykh : Does he attend the gatherings of knowledge?

The questioner : Very little.

The Shaykh: It is small.

The questioner : But he is consistent with the prayers.

The Shaykh: All right.

The questioner : But he is not holding fast to the Sunnahs, nor the third point.

The Shaykh : The words you mentioned here, I mentioned them to him, that Allah is generous and so on and so on.

The questioner : I said to him there is much good. He said, "You are a son who does not listen to words," and hung up the phone. He did not leave me room. He is of the military type: execute, then discuss.

The Shaykh : By Allah, in any case, I see that you should be, as they say today, diplomatic with him, so that you are gentle with him and take his approval and consent for what you are about to do, and do not put him under a fait accompli.

The questioner : The reality is I have decided to buy, and I do not say that I have bought, but...

The Shaykh : It is not possible, I did not hear you well. You have decided that you will buy?

The questioner : I have decided to buy, and I will not inform him that I have bought. I will keep the matter a secret.

The Shaykh : I mean, what?

The questioner : He hides the purchase from him.

The Shaykh : Yes, why did you decide on the second thing?

The questioner : Because, as I told you.

The Shaykh : I think this does not align with the diplomacy we mentioned earlier.

The questioner : The father will not be convinced, as I told you. The father is military in executing his orders. He likes, meaning, from his principles, even if I am wrong, and after that, if I am convinced, I will tell you. I, of course, do not say "I am wrong," but if he is convinced later, the matter changes. But he must be executed, meaning, he says to me, for example, "Your younger brother listens to my words, right or wrong?" Even though he knows it is wrong, to the extent that my younger brother executed one of his orders while he was not convinced of it and it was wrong.

The Shaykh : How old is the father?

The questioner : About sixty years old.

The Shaykh : Sixty.

The questioner : Approximately, yes.

The Shaykh : But this speech that you made recently was not the answer to my last word, which is that you are now deciding to tell him. It does not align with the Shari'ah policy, let us call it that.

The questioner : I have not decided at this moment, but I say I have decided, meaning, to buy and not inform him that I have bought.

The questioner : He will not tell him.

The Shaykh : And do not tell him.

The questioner : He hides the purchase process from him so that he does not get angry, and...

The Shaykh : I mean, you put him under a fait accompli.

The questioner : No, he will not know that I bought.

The Shaykh : It is not possible, my brother. He will not know about it today, this month, this year.

The questioner: Correct.

The Shaykh : But later, it is necessary.

The questioner : He may know.

The Shaykh : No, it is not "will not," it is "may."

The questioner:

The Shaykh : Ah, he will know. The point is, I see that you should present the truth. The aspect is: how few are the sons who give it its due care, which is to speak to him with the language of the intimate friend, not the language of the distant one. Say to him, "O my father, O my father, O my father." He will surely soften with you, and perhaps you will do so, if Allah wills.

The questioner : We will try, if Allah wills.