The Criterion in Obedience to Parents

Perhaps there is a clear limit, Your Eminence, between obeying one’s parents in what is obedience to Allah, and obeying one’s parents in what is disobedience to Allah. It would be appreciated if you could clarify this matter, as many people fall into this without knowledge?
Answer: Obedience to parents, as mentioned earlier, is part of obedience to Allah. Being dutiful to them is among the obligatory duties, and being undutiful to them is among the major sins. This includes the acts of obedience that Allah loves, and it includes permissible matters. Even in permissible matters, if they ask him to take them to such and such a permissible place, or to buy them a need he is able to fulfill, it is obligatory for him to do so, provided there is no harm to him in it. Likewise, if they order him to fix their coffee, or to bring them water for drinking or for ablution, and he is able to do so, it is obligatory for him to obey them in that, even if it is a permissible matter.
The point is: it is obligatory for him to obey them in what is good, in which there is no harm and no disobedience to Allah: as the Prophet (peace and blessings be upon him) said.
As for if they order him to commit sins against Allah—ordering him not to pray in the mosque, ordering him to drink intoxicants, ordering him to smoke, ordering him to deal in usury or interest, or ordering him to do another of the sins of Allah—he is not required to obey them. If they order him to go to the land of shirk (associating partners with Allah), or order him to do something else that harms him, he is not required to do so, due to the saying of the Prophet (peace and blessings be upon him): , .
So, if they order him to do what is good or a permissible matter that benefits them and does not harm him, there is no harm in obeying them in that. But if it is something that harms him, or something from the sins of Allah, he is not required to obey them in that. However, he should reject it with kind words and good manners, and supplicate for them for success and guidance. He should explain to them his excuse, which is that no one is obeyed in sins. No one is obeyed in sins, neither the father, nor the prince, nor the ruler. No one is obeyed in sins. The Messenger (peace and blessings be upon him) said: , .
And Allah said to His Prophet: [Al-Mumtahanah: 12]. So, if he conveys that to them and they understand it, then if they are of sound mind, they will be pleased with that from him; because a person of sound mind understands the legal excuse. But if they are stubborn in their opinion without evidence, he is not required to obey them in what harms him or in what is from the sins of Allah . Yes.
The presenter: May Allah reward you with good. But does this reach the level of severing ties between a father and his parents, for example?
The Shaykh: No, he does not sever ties with them. He is kind to them, obeys them in what is good, maintains contact with them, and is gentle with them. He does not obey them in the sins of Allah , nor in what harms him. If they said: "Demolish your house" without evidence and without reason, or "Divorce your wife" without excuse, he is not required to do that. Yes.
The presenter: May Allah reward you with good. So, if a son severs ties with his parents over a minor disagreement between them and forbids his children from maintaining contact with them?
The Shaykh: It is not permissible, it is not permissible, it is not permissible. Being undutiful to them or severing ties with them because of doing something that harms him is not allowed. Rather, he maintains contact with them, is kind to them, and refrains only from the thing that harms him, while being gentle with them, being kind to them, speaking kindly to them, and being dutiful to them in every way he can. But that thing which they ordered him to do, and it is a sin against Allah, he does not obey them in it, while being gentle with them and kind to them. Allah, Exalted and Majestic is He, says regarding the disbelievers: [Luqman: 15], even though they are disbelievers.
The presenter: This is while they are disbelievers.
The Shaykh: [Luqman: 15]. So He commanded him to accompany them in this world with kindness, even though they are disbelievers. So how much more so with Muslims.
So the point is: if the parents strive against him in shirk (associating partners with Allah), or if they demand shirk from him, he does not obey them in shirk, but he does not be undutiful to them. Rather, he is gentle with them and kind to them, even if they have wronged him by ordering him to commit shirk or sin. But he explains the legal excuse, is gentle with them, and supplicates for their guidance. Yes.
The presenter: May Allah reward you with good, and may He benefit us with your knowledge.