Explaining Some of the Prescribed Manners: Gentleness and Mercy, and Their Impact on Dealing with Children, with Mention of the Evidence

The Shaykh : Among the prescribed manners that many people have overlooked is harshness in dealing with children. You find some people who do not show mercy to their young children; they have small sons and do not show them mercy, do not speak to them, and do not talk to them. When they enter the gathering, they scold them, and if they do not leave after the scolding, they take them by the hand and drag them to the house with violence. Is this from the guidance of Islam? Answer, everyone. No, by Allah, it is not from the guidance of Islam. For this reason, the Prophet (peace and blessings be upon him) said: Children need mercy; they need gentleness. The Messenger (peace and blessings be upon him) used to be gentle with the children, to the extent that on one day he said to a boy whose kunya was Abu 'Amir, who had a small bird with him, like a sparrow or something close to it. "Is this so? Is this so?" What did you say? Did he have a sparrow? We did not say he had a sparrow. Yes, he had this child with him, and he had a bird called the *naghir* (nun, ghayn, ya, ra). He was playing with it, as is the custom of children, and then the bird died. The boy grieved greatly over its loss, and it showed on him. So the Messenger (peace and blessings be upon him) used to say to this boy: He was being gentle with him (peace and blessings be upon him). What else could he do? Also, on one day, he was praying with the people in prostration, and al-Hasan ibn 'Ali (may Allah be pleased with them both) came and rode on his back, riding him as children do now when they find their father lying on his stomach; they ride on him and perhaps push him with their hand to make him get up, as if he were a camel. This al-Hasan rode on the Prophet (peace and blessings be upon him) while he was in prostration, so the Prophet (peace and blessings be upon him) prolonged his prostration. When he prolonged the prostration and the boy dismounted from the "mount," it was as if the Companions asked the Prophet (peace and blessings be upon him), "Why did you prolong the prostration?" He said: Look, the gentleness kept him in prostration until the boy got tired and dismounted. What do you think? If I were the imam of the people and my young son came and rode on my back, would I prolong the prostration so that he could satisfy his desire, or would I lift my hand and leave the prostration on the seven bones so that I could push him and let him go? The majority of people would choose the second option; most people would choose the second. But the guidance of the Prophet (peace and blessings be upon him) was to let the boy stay and satisfy his desire, and the matter is broad. A third example: he had a granddaughter named Ummah, and her mother was Zaynab, the daughter of the Messenger of Allah (peace and blessings be upon him). The Messenger of Allah (peace and blessings be upon him) was her grandfather from which side? From her mother's side, like al-Hasan. Al-Hasan was the Prophet's (peace and blessings be upon him) grandson from his mother's side, and this Ummah was his granddaughter from her mother's side. And it seems, may Allah know best, that she became attached to the Messenger (peace and blessings be upon him), so he brought her to the mosque and prayed with the people as imam while carrying this little girl. When he stood, he carried her, and when he prostrated, he put her down, while praying with the people. Is there any of us who is gentle with his children in this way? I say we do not know of anyone who does this, but if he did, it would be more complete in following the Messenger (peace and blessings be upon him). Gentleness with children, family, the young, and the ignorant is from the guidance of the Prophet (peace and blessings be upon him). But most of us, may Allah deal with us with forgiveness, are the opposite of that. You find them dealing with these young ones with harshness and severity, and they do not want them to come near the gathering of men, and so on. These are things we have mentioned from the excellences of the Islamic religion. We love to follow the Prophet (peace and blessings be upon him) in this and not to be rough and harsh, because that is contrary to what the Islamic religion brought. And praise be to Allah.