What is the ruling on women offering condolences to women, given that it involves the notion that women are weaker than men and that they may display their adornment? Is it better for women to offer condolences or to remain in their homes?
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The questioner : May Allah reward you, O Shaykh. Regarding women offering condolences to women, which includes the idea that women are weaker than men, this serves to encourage the woman or the man to be patient and to seek reward from Allah.
And since it may involve displaying one's adornment and going out in front of men, which is better: for women to go out to offer condolences to women and men, or is it better for her to stay in her home?
The Shaykh : Who should stay?
The questioner : The woman offering condolences.
The Shaykh : Yes.
In any case, first: we must know that offering condolences is not a celebration where people gather and stay up late, perhaps lighting the lights, so that the house looks like a wedding party, as we have seen in some countries and as we also hear. The purpose of condolences is to strengthen the bereaved in patience. Strengthening the bereaved in patience does not come through these external, tangible matters. It comes by reminding them of certainty that what befell them was not to miss them, and what missed them was not to befall them, and that this is from Allah. Just as the Prophet (peace and blessings be upon him) consoled one of his daughters when he said to the messenger he had sent to her, after she had sent him to him:Sahih al-Bukhari 7377 This is not the purpose of condolences, which is to display joy in order to drive away sadness. That is not correct. This is only a tangible or external consolation. It does not give the heart certainty, or turning to Allah, or returning to Him. Consolation is to say to the bereaved man: "My brother, be patient and seek reward. This world and its kingdom belong to Allah. He takes what He wills and gives what He wills, and everything is decreed with a term that neither advances nor delays." And we depart. The origin of this gathering you referred to is not prescribed. In fact, they considered gathering at the deceased's home and preparing food to be part of wailing, and wailing is among the major sins. Yes.
And since it may involve displaying one's adornment and going out in front of men, which is better: for women to go out to offer condolences to women and men, or is it better for her to stay in her home?
The Shaykh : Who should stay?
The questioner : The woman offering condolences.
The Shaykh : Yes.
In any case, first: we must know that offering condolences is not a celebration where people gather and stay up late, perhaps lighting the lights, so that the house looks like a wedding party, as we have seen in some countries and as we also hear. The purpose of condolences is to strengthen the bereaved in patience. Strengthening the bereaved in patience does not come through these external, tangible matters. It comes by reminding them of certainty that what befell them was not to miss them, and what missed them was not to befall them, and that this is from Allah. Just as the Prophet (peace and blessings be upon him) consoled one of his daughters when he said to the messenger he had sent to her, after she had sent him to him: