The ruling on a woman going out to offer condolences
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May Allah reward you. Women offering condolences to women, given that women are weaker than men in urging a woman or man to be patient and seek reward from Allah, and given that it may lead to a woman displaying her adornment and going out in front of men, which is better: should women go out to offer condolences to women and men, or is it better for her to stay in the house?The Shaykh: Stay in the house from whom?The questioner: The woman offering condolences.
In any case,First: We must know that offering condolences is not a celebration, where people gather and stay up late, and perhaps they light the lights, and you find the house as if it were a wedding party, as we have seen in some countries and as we also hear.
The intended purpose of offering condolences is to strengthen the bereaved in patience. Strengthening the bereaved in patience does not come through outward and sensory matters, but rather by reminding them of the certainty that what befell them was not to miss them, and what missed them was not to befall them, and that this is from Allah, and as the Prophet (peace and blessings be upon him) consoled Umm Salama when he said to the messenger he sent to her after she sent to him: (Tell her to be patient and seek reward from Allah, for to Allah belongs what He takes and what He gives, and everything with Him is by a specified term) .
So the purpose of offering condolences is not to display joy to drive away sadness; because that is only a sensory or outward consolation that does not give the heart certainty, turning to Allah, and returning to Him.
Offering condolences is saying to the bereaved man: O my brother! Be patient, seek reward from Allah. This world is perishing and the kingdom belongs to Allah. To Him belongs what He takes and what He gives, and everything is decreed by a term that does not advance or delay, and we move on. So this gathering you referred to is not prescribed. In fact, the Salaf considered gathering at the home of the deceased and preparing food to be part of wailing, and wailing is among the major sins.
The questioner: If a mother, wife, or sister asks a brother to take her to the home of the deceased, should he advise her to stay or fulfill her wish?The Shaykh: If the deceased's family are relatives such that if you do not come to offer them condolences, it will affect their feelings, then let him take them for five minutes or so, and then bring them back.
In any case,First: We must know that offering condolences is not a celebration, where people gather and stay up late, and perhaps they light the lights, and you find the house as if it were a wedding party, as we have seen in some countries and as we also hear.
The intended purpose of offering condolences is to strengthen the bereaved in patience. Strengthening the bereaved in patience does not come through outward and sensory matters, but rather by reminding them of the certainty that what befell them was not to miss them, and what missed them was not to befall them, and that this is from Allah, and as the Prophet (peace and blessings be upon him) consoled Umm Salama when he said to the messenger he sent to her after she sent to him: (Tell her to be patient and seek reward from Allah, for to Allah belongs what He takes and what He gives, and everything with Him is by a specified term) .
So the purpose of offering condolences is not to display joy to drive away sadness; because that is only a sensory or outward consolation that does not give the heart certainty, turning to Allah, and returning to Him.
Offering condolences is saying to the bereaved man: O my brother! Be patient, seek reward from Allah. This world is perishing and the kingdom belongs to Allah. To Him belongs what He takes and what He gives, and everything is decreed by a term that does not advance or delay, and we move on. So this gathering you referred to is not prescribed. In fact, the Salaf considered gathering at the home of the deceased and preparing food to be part of wailing, and wailing is among the major sins.
The questioner: If a mother, wife, or sister asks a brother to take her to the home of the deceased, should he advise her to stay or fulfill her wish?The Shaykh: If the deceased's family are relatives such that if you do not come to offer them condolences, it will affect their feelings, then let him take them for five minutes or so, and then bring them back.