A married man with a daughter who lives in a house about 200 meters from his father's house, and who agreed with his wife before his trip that she would stay in his house or his father's house
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The questioner : He says that he is married and has a daughter, and he lives in his house, which is about two hundred meters from his father's house. He says: "I agreed with my wife before my trip that she would stay in my house or in my father's house, and that she would go to her family at the end of every week to check on them and stay with them for a day or two. But after I left, and until now, which is about six months, she has not done that. Instead, she did the opposite: she went to her family's house and did not come to my house except very, very rarely. This is not my wish. I have sent for her several times to stay in my house and to carry out our agreement, the agreement we made before my trip, but she has not done so, even up to the writing of this letter. Please advise us, may Allah reward you. Is she sinning by doing this, given that I have not been short with her in any way? And what should I do with her? May you be rewarded."
The Shaykh : I say that this woman, with whom you agreed that she would stay in your house, and that she would go to your family and to her family, and then she did not carry out any of that, except that she stayed with her family—I say: perhaps she has an excuse, and you are blaming her.
The questioner : Yes.
The Shaykh : Perhaps she tried staying in the house alone and found that she could not manage it, and she saw that going to your family might cause trouble for them and put them in an awkward position. She saw that returning to her own family's house was better for her than staying in her house where she does not feel settled, or going to your family where there might be awkwardness and hardship. So she saw that staying with her family was the right thing. I support her in this, because there is no one in your house to keep her company, and because it is dangerous for her; perhaps wicked people and people of open sinfulness might come to her. Also, it may not be suitable for her to stay with your family, so she is excused in going to her family, and there is no blame on her. I advise you not to cut the tie and not to be harsh with her, but rather to be forgiving and lenient, for that is better for you in the future and in the present.
The questioner : Your Eminence, the Shaykh.
The Shaykh : I say that this woman, with whom you agreed that she would stay in your house, and that she would go to your family and to her family, and then she did not carry out any of that, except that she stayed with her family—I say: perhaps she has an excuse, and you are blaming her.
The questioner : Yes.
The Shaykh : Perhaps she tried staying in the house alone and found that she could not manage it, and she saw that going to your family might cause trouble for them and put them in an awkward position. She saw that returning to her own family's house was better for her than staying in her house where she does not feel settled, or going to your family where there might be awkwardness and hardship. So she saw that staying with her family was the right thing. I support her in this, because there is no one in your house to keep her company, and because it is dangerous for her; perhaps wicked people and people of open sinfulness might come to her. Also, it may not be suitable for her to stay with your family, so she is excused in going to her family, and there is no blame on her. I advise you not to cut the tie and not to be harsh with her, but rather to be forgiving and lenient, for that is better for you in the future and in the present.
The questioner : Your Eminence, the Shaykh.