What is the ruling on preferring one child over another in gifts?
Machine translationRead the Arabic original
The questioner : As for the father, sometimes he gives some of his children money for their need. This is a point that the other children may accept, albeit reluctantly. For example, he might give a gift to a young child because he sees that he needs it more than the others, since he is young and the others have some money while he has none. These are matters that many of us are hesitant about, and injustice may occur in them. However, this happens when a father prefers one child over another due to his need or otherwise. What is your opinion on this?
The Shaykh : It is obligatory that the gift to children be given with justice, based on the hadith of Bashir ibn Sa'd when he gave his son Nu'man ibn Bashir and did not give to his other children. The Prophet (peace and blessings be upon him) said:Sahih al-Bukhari 2587 Justice among children is to give each one what he needs. For example, if a son is a student who needs books and a fee for the teacher, we give it to him, even if we do not give it to his brothers, because his brothers do not need it. If a son needs to be married and has no money, we marry him. His father is not required to give his brothers the same amount he gave for the marriage. He is only required to marry them when they reach marriageable age, if he has the means. Have you not seen that a man may have a son and a daughter? The son needs a scarf and a cap, and the daughter needs a necklace, a bracelet, and rings. He gives the son the value of the scarf and cap, and the daughter the value of the necklace, bracelet, and rings. Which is more? The second is more, but because she needs it. Therefore, it is a grave error and blatant ignorance for some people, when they marry their older children who cannot afford to marry themselves, and they have younger children, to bequeath to the younger children an amount equal to what they gave the older children for marriage. This is wrong. Even if he dies, the bequest is not executed. What he bequeathed to the younger children enters the estate and is divided according to the shares prescribed by Allah.
I understand. So what do you say: if he has two sons, and each needs a car, and he gives one the best car and the other a mid-range car, is that permissible or not? I am asking you.
The questioner : It is permissible.
The Shaykh : It is permissible...
The Shaykh : No, all of them are studying in the same school.
The questioner : This is not permissible...
The Shaykh : If he says: "I am giving this to him to take him to school and bring him back," we say: it is not permissible, because the cars differ. This one is, for example, sixty thousand, and this one is forty thousand. Likewise, if he dresses one of the children in fine clothes and another in less fine clothes, he has not been just. He does not say: "I gave them what covers the 'awrah." We say: No, this is not permissible. They must be equal or close in value, because making them exactly equal in every aspect may be difficult, but they should be close. Now, if he gives a small boy candy because he is crying, to quiet him, we say: give the older boy candy? Yes, I am asking you, questioner.
The questioner : Without a doubt
The Shaykh : Without a doubt, do you give it to him or not?
The questioner : No, I give it to him.
The Shaykh : Do not give it to him, even if you do give it to him, it will be held against you, because he usually accepts it.
The questioner : As for the car, Shaykh, sometimes the brother or brothers need a car for long trips, for example, unlike the second one. That is the intention.
The Shaykh : In any case, if he gives each one what he needs, there is no harm. Yes.
The Shaykh : It is obligatory that the gift to children be given with justice, based on the hadith of Bashir ibn Sa'd when he gave his son Nu'man ibn Bashir and did not give to his other children. The Prophet (peace and blessings be upon him) said:
Be afraid of Allah, and be just to your children.
اتقوا الله واعدلوا بين أولادكمI understand. So what do you say: if he has two sons, and each needs a car, and he gives one the best car and the other a mid-range car, is that permissible or not? I am asking you.
The questioner : It is permissible.
The Shaykh : It is permissible...
The Shaykh : No, all of them are studying in the same school.
The questioner : This is not permissible...
The Shaykh : If he says: "I am giving this to him to take him to school and bring him back," we say: it is not permissible, because the cars differ. This one is, for example, sixty thousand, and this one is forty thousand. Likewise, if he dresses one of the children in fine clothes and another in less fine clothes, he has not been just. He does not say: "I gave them what covers the 'awrah." We say: No, this is not permissible. They must be equal or close in value, because making them exactly equal in every aspect may be difficult, but they should be close. Now, if he gives a small boy candy because he is crying, to quiet him, we say: give the older boy candy? Yes, I am asking you, questioner.
The questioner : Without a doubt
The Shaykh : Without a doubt, do you give it to him or not?
The questioner : No, I give it to him.
The Shaykh : Do not give it to him, even if you do give it to him, it will be held against you, because he usually accepts it.
The questioner : As for the car, Shaykh, sometimes the brother or brothers need a car for long trips, for example, unlike the second one. That is the intention.
The Shaykh : In any case, if he gives each one what he needs, there is no harm. Yes.