A Committed Girl Is Proposed to by a Man Who Prays but Smokes Shisha, and She Is Confused; What Is Your Opinion of Him?
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The questioner : This is a girl from Riyadh who says, "I am a committed girl, and a man has proposed to me. He prays, but he smokes shisha. She is confused, so she seeks your legal ruling and your advice. Do you approve of this husband? May Allah reward you."
The Shaykh : Praise be to Allah, Lord of the worlds, and I send prayers and peace upon our Prophet Muhammad, and upon his family and his Companions, and upon those who follow them in excellence until the Day of Judgment. If a woman is proposed to by a suitable man, she should be married off and not prevented. In the hadith of the Prophet (peace and blessings be upon him)Sunan al-Bayhaqi 10:875 It is not permissible for anyone to prevent his daughter, his sister, or any other woman over whom he has guardianship from a suitable suitor whom she has accepted, because this is a breach of trust. In this case, if it is assumed that he prevents her from a suitable man she has accepted, then the right of guardianship transfers from him to the next person. For example, if her father prevents her, and the suitor is suitable in his religion and character, and she is pleased with him, her brother should marry her off. There is no blame on him in this case for marrying his sister off despite her father’s prevention, because her father has transgressed in this prevention and thereby dropped his right. And if it happens that the brothers refuse to marry her off, out of dislike for contradicting their father, then the right of guardianship transfers to the paternal uncle, who is the father’s brother. He has the right to marry off this woman who has accepted the suitable suitor whom her father and brothers prevented.
The scholars (may Allah have mercy on them) have mentioned that if the guardian repeatedly prevents the marriage of a suitable suitor whom the woman has accepted, he thereby becomes an open sinner, and his guardianship is dropped. He is not permitted to perform any action in which justice is a condition. This is a serious matter. And people in the past, I mean some people, did not show mercy to creation and did not fear the Creator. You would find one making his daughter like a commodity, not marrying her off except to one who gives him more money. And if a suitable man of good character and religion proposed to her and she accepted him, he would refuse to marry her off because he was waiting for one who would increase his money.
Some people prevent a suitable suitor from marrying their daughter, even if she has accepted him, because they want to marry her to their nephew or to a man from their tribe. This is also forbidden and not permissible. The guardians should fear Allah in themselves and fear Allah in the women over whom Allah has placed them as guardians. They should know that they will be held accountable for this on the Day of Resurrection, when they will find no escape from the evil of their treatment. Some people have related to me that a young woman who had not married became ill. When death approached her, she testified to the women around her with a bequest to her father, saying words to the effect that her father had prevented her from suitable suitors and that there would be a confrontation between her and him before Allah on the Day of Resurrection. This is a serious matter in which a person must fear Allah the Exalted. I do not know, if this suitable man had chosen a woman to marry and someone had prevented him from her, what his position would be. I do not know if he would accept that. The answer is in the negative; he would not accept anyone intervening between him and his fiancée. If that is the case, why would he accept intervening between his daughter and her suitor who is suitable in his religion and character? And from the soundness of religion that must be observed is that a person should not persist in a sin that extends to others, such as persisting in smoking, for example.
The questioner : Yes.
The Shaykh : Smoking, according to the stronger opinion, is forbidden, and persisting in it is a sin. In fact, doing it even once is a sin, and persisting in it elevates its doer to the level of committing a major sin. If a man who persists in a sin of any kind, from the sins that the wife cannot be safe from, proposes to a woman, then it is better that she not accept his proposal and that she ask Allah the Exalted to facilitate for her a husband free from this sin.
As for if the sin does not extend to others, it is lighter. For example, if a person is known for backbiting. Backbiting, as everyone knows, is not a sin that extends to others, because it is possible for this husband to backbite people in the absence of his wife. This is lighter than him committing the sin in front of her, where he cannot abandon it if the wife is present.
In summary, we advise the woman not to choose in marriage except a man of religion and character. Because the man of religion, if he keeps her, keeps her with kindness, and if he parts with her, parts with her with excellence. And the woman should not hasten to accept the suitor until he is investigated from all angles. I do not want to say that a woman should not marry except one who does not commit any of the sins ever, because that is impossible. But aim for the right and come close. Yes.
The questioner : May Allah bless you, O honorable Shaykh.
The Shaykh : Praise be to Allah, Lord of the worlds, and I send prayers and peace upon our Prophet Muhammad, and upon his family and his Companions, and upon those who follow them in excellence until the Day of Judgment. If a woman is proposed to by a suitable man, she should be married off and not prevented. In the hadith of the Prophet (peace and blessings be upon him)
When there comes to you one whose religion and character you are pleased with, marry him. If you do not, there will be a fitnah on the earth and great corruption. Or he said, "great corruption."
إذا أتاكم من ترضون دينه وخلقه فأنكحوه إلا تفعلوه تكن فتنة في الأرض وفساد كبير أو قال فساد عريضThe scholars (may Allah have mercy on them) have mentioned that if the guardian repeatedly prevents the marriage of a suitable suitor whom the woman has accepted, he thereby becomes an open sinner, and his guardianship is dropped. He is not permitted to perform any action in which justice is a condition. This is a serious matter. And people in the past, I mean some people, did not show mercy to creation and did not fear the Creator. You would find one making his daughter like a commodity, not marrying her off except to one who gives him more money. And if a suitable man of good character and religion proposed to her and she accepted him, he would refuse to marry her off because he was waiting for one who would increase his money.
Some people prevent a suitable suitor from marrying their daughter, even if she has accepted him, because they want to marry her to their nephew or to a man from their tribe. This is also forbidden and not permissible. The guardians should fear Allah in themselves and fear Allah in the women over whom Allah has placed them as guardians. They should know that they will be held accountable for this on the Day of Resurrection, when they will find no escape from the evil of their treatment. Some people have related to me that a young woman who had not married became ill. When death approached her, she testified to the women around her with a bequest to her father, saying words to the effect that her father had prevented her from suitable suitors and that there would be a confrontation between her and him before Allah on the Day of Resurrection. This is a serious matter in which a person must fear Allah the Exalted. I do not know, if this suitable man had chosen a woman to marry and someone had prevented him from her, what his position would be. I do not know if he would accept that. The answer is in the negative; he would not accept anyone intervening between him and his fiancée. If that is the case, why would he accept intervening between his daughter and her suitor who is suitable in his religion and character? And from the soundness of religion that must be observed is that a person should not persist in a sin that extends to others, such as persisting in smoking, for example.
The questioner : Yes.
The Shaykh : Smoking, according to the stronger opinion, is forbidden, and persisting in it is a sin. In fact, doing it even once is a sin, and persisting in it elevates its doer to the level of committing a major sin. If a man who persists in a sin of any kind, from the sins that the wife cannot be safe from, proposes to a woman, then it is better that she not accept his proposal and that she ask Allah the Exalted to facilitate for her a husband free from this sin.
As for if the sin does not extend to others, it is lighter. For example, if a person is known for backbiting. Backbiting, as everyone knows, is not a sin that extends to others, because it is possible for this husband to backbite people in the absence of his wife. This is lighter than him committing the sin in front of her, where he cannot abandon it if the wife is present.
In summary, we advise the woman not to choose in marriage except a man of religion and character. Because the man of religion, if he keeps her, keeps her with kindness, and if he parts with her, parts with her with excellence. And the woman should not hasten to accept the suitor until he is investigated from all angles. I do not want to say that a woman should not marry except one who does not commit any of the sins ever, because that is impossible. But aim for the right and come close. Yes.
The questioner : May Allah bless you, O honorable Shaykh.