A 26-year-old girl who has not yet married because she is waiting for a committed young man, even if he is slightly older than her, but no one has come to propose to her except...
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The questioner : This questioner actually sent a set of questions, and we will choose from them what is feasible. She says, "May the Shaykh be respected, I am a girl who is twenty-six years old and have not yet married. I say, 'Because I am waiting for a committed young man to come, even if he is slightly older than me, but no one has come to propose to me except a lax young man or a committed man who is old in age, with a large age gap. So guide me, what should I do, O honorable Shaykh Muhammad? Should I marry a lax young man in the hope that Allah will guide him, or should I marry a committed man, even if he is old? Please advise me on the best course, and make du'a for me that Allah will grant me a righteous husband who loves Allah and loves the Messenger (peace and blessings be upon him). Your sister in Allah, Ghada, from al-Madinah al-Munawwarah.'"
The Shaykh : What I see is that if there are many suitors for her, which is contrary to what was mentioned in the question.
The questioner : Yes, Shaykh.
The Shaykh : Then she should be patient, and her age has not yet passed significantly. But if there are few suitors for her, as is her question.
The questioner : Yes.
The Shaykh : Then I see that she should marry the older man who has religion, based on the saying of the Prophet (peace and blessings be upon him)Jami` at-Tirmidhi 1085Da'if (Darussalam) So the criterion was made to be religion and character.
As for the young man who is not in a good state regarding his religion, I do not see that she should marry him as long as one who is suitable in religion and character has proposed to her. Many people, among women and their guardians, are deceived by the hope of marrying someone who is weak in religion, saying, "Perhaps Allah will guide him if she marries him." But this hope is weak, weak, weak. A person is not accountable for what is to come in the future because he has no knowledge of it. A person is accountable for what is present and visible between him and the other. So if this suitor is not upright in his religion, how can he be married off on the hope that Allah will guide him? Perhaps he will remain in his misguidance and mislead this righteous woman, because the man has the upper hand over his wife, or she will not harm him and he will not benefit her, and they will remain in problems constantly. And we ask Allah for guidance for everyone.
The questioner : O Allah, amen.
The Shaykh : Then I urge the guardians and women not to rush in accepting, but rather to be patient until they investigate the suitor from all angles. This is because in the present time, the performance of trust has weakened, not only regarding the husband who hides much of his condition, but also regarding those who are asked about the husband. For some people, emotion overcomes them, so they do not speak the truth they know about the husband's condition. So delaying is better than rushing. And if it is decreed that we accept after a week, let us delay another week.
I also urge the guardians and daughters to accept one in whom goodness and righteousness are known in his religion and character, without looking at other matters, because the whole criterion is character and religion. So whenever the suitor has character and religion, then accepting his proposal is better and is obedience to the command of the Prophet (peace and blessings be upon him and his family). In that, there is a combination of two benefits: the immediate good for the woman and obedience to the command of the Prophet (peace and blessings be upon him and his family). Yes.
The questioner : May Allah bless you.
The Shaykh : What I see is that if there are many suitors for her, which is contrary to what was mentioned in the question.
The questioner : Yes, Shaykh.
The Shaykh : Then she should be patient, and her age has not yet passed significantly. But if there are few suitors for her, as is her question.
The questioner : Yes.
The Shaykh : Then I see that she should marry the older man who has religion, based on the saying of the Prophet (peace and blessings be upon him)
When someone whose religion and character you are pleased with comes to you then marry (her to) him
إذا أتاكم من ترضون دينه وخلقه فأنكحوهAs for the young man who is not in a good state regarding his religion, I do not see that she should marry him as long as one who is suitable in religion and character has proposed to her. Many people, among women and their guardians, are deceived by the hope of marrying someone who is weak in religion, saying, "Perhaps Allah will guide him if she marries him." But this hope is weak, weak, weak. A person is not accountable for what is to come in the future because he has no knowledge of it. A person is accountable for what is present and visible between him and the other. So if this suitor is not upright in his religion, how can he be married off on the hope that Allah will guide him? Perhaps he will remain in his misguidance and mislead this righteous woman, because the man has the upper hand over his wife, or she will not harm him and he will not benefit her, and they will remain in problems constantly. And we ask Allah for guidance for everyone.
The questioner : O Allah, amen.
The Shaykh : Then I urge the guardians and women not to rush in accepting, but rather to be patient until they investigate the suitor from all angles. This is because in the present time, the performance of trust has weakened, not only regarding the husband who hides much of his condition, but also regarding those who are asked about the husband. For some people, emotion overcomes them, so they do not speak the truth they know about the husband's condition. So delaying is better than rushing. And if it is decreed that we accept after a week, let us delay another week.
I also urge the guardians and daughters to accept one in whom goodness and righteousness are known in his religion and character, without looking at other matters, because the whole criterion is character and religion. So whenever the suitor has character and religion, then accepting his proposal is better and is obedience to the command of the Prophet (peace and blessings be upon him and his family). In that, there is a combination of two benefits: the immediate good for the woman and obedience to the command of the Prophet (peace and blessings be upon him and his family). Yes.
The questioner : May Allah bless you.