A word by the Shaykh on marriage (its ruling, its conditions, discord between the spouses, etc.)

The Shaykh : Perhaps we should speak about an important topic that frequently occurs during the vacation period, which is marriage.
Marriage is a sunnah (recommended practice) of the messengers. The Prophet (peace and blessings be upon him) said about himself: , and he said: .
And Allah the Exalted said in His Book: So it is one of the sunnahs (recommended practices) of the messengers, who were sealed with Muhammad (peace and blessings be upon him and his family).
It is obligatory for the capable young man, because the Prophet (peace and blessings be upon him and his family) said: .
This indicates that the young men to whom the Prophet (peace and blessings be upon him) directed this address are those who have sexual desire, due to his saying: So if the young man has sexual desire and is capable of it, it is obligatory for him to marry because of the great benefits in that. But if he is a young man who has no sexual desire, or whose desire is weak and does not drive him to marriage, or if he has a strong desire but does not have what he needs to marry with, such as the mahr (bridal gift) and expenses, etc., then it is not obligatory for him. But what should he do? The Prophet (peace and blessings be upon him and his family) guided to fasting, saying: , because fasting is a worship that occupies a person with what relates to marriage and sexual desire, and because fasting weakens the flow of blood, which is the flow of Satan, thereby resulting in chastity.
If he is unable to fast, then Allah Mighty and Majestic said: meaning: he should be patient. And whoever is patient, Allah Mighty and Majestic will make him patient. And if Allah the Exalted has promised: meaning: until Allah enriches them from His bounty. Up to this point, it is for the limit and not for the cause, as it appears. It is for the limit, but it indicates that Allah Glorified and Exalted is He will provide them with a relief and an exit if they are chaste.
If he does not have patience and is unable and fears for himself zina (unlawful sexual intercourse), then there is no blame on him if he takes what calms the sexual desire from medicines and the like, so that he does not fall into what is forbidden.
Then, marriage is a great and serious contract with conditions at its beginning and conditions at its end, and great matters follow from it. Among what follows from it is the connection between people. If a person marries from a group, he becomes as if he is their relative. For this reason, Allah made that, which I mean the marriage tie, a counterpart to kinship and lineage. So He said the Exalted: And for this reason, you see a man who does not know these people except by mention, so he marries from them and becomes as if he is one of them, to the extent that inheritance flows between him and his wife, and the prohibition of marriage flows between him and her relatives as is known. And for this reason, it is a serious and important contract.
And among what should be spoken about in the topic of marriage: First: it is necessary in marriage to have conditions. It is necessary in marriage, the most important of which is: consent. It is not possible to force a man to marry a specific woman, nor is it possible to force a woman to marry a specific man. Rather, consent is necessary. And by this, the ignorance of some of the common people is revealed, who force their young men to marry their female relatives. For example, a man says to his son: You must marry your cousin, and he forces him to do so, either by physical force or by moral force, such that he shames him if he disobeys him. And this is forbidden for him. It is forbidden for the father to force his son to marry his cousin or other women, because these are matters specific to the person himself.
It is not obligatory for the son, it is not obligatory for the son to obey his father in that. Meaning: if the father says: Marry your cousin, and he says: I do not want her, then it is not permissible for the father to force him, and it is not obligatory for the son to obey him. If the son says: If I do not obey him, he will be angry with me and boycott me and cut off ties with me, what should I do? We say: If the father does this, the sin is on him, and you have nothing on you. Rather, he is the wrongdoer and the transgressor, and it is obligatory for you to maintain dutifulness to him even if he is harsh with you or boycotts you.
Likewise, some people force their daughter to marry a specific person. This is also not permissible. It is not permissible to force her, and even if he forces her, the marriage is not valid. Because the Prophet (peace and blessings be upon him and his family) said: Rather, he specified the virgin and the father, so he said, may the prayers and peace be upon him: .
And what is the custom of some people, that he saves his daughter for his nephew, to the extent that suitors of worthy status in religion and character propose to her, but he says: I want her for her cousin. This is forbidden, and it is not permissible for him to monopolize her for his nephew. Rather, it is obligatory for him, if someone who is worthy in his religion and character proposes to her and she consents to him, to marry her and not prevent her. Because this is a trust, and Allah Blessed and Exalted is He said: If he forces her by force to marry his nephew or someone else, the marriage is not valid, because it is a marriage in which the Messenger (may the prayers and peace be upon him) was disobeyed and contradicted. And the Prophet (peace and blessings be upon him and his family) said: meaning: rejected and invalid.
So the woman is not lawful to the husband whom she was married to while she was averse to him, and it is not permissible to keep the marriage between them. But if the daughter, for example, consents after the marriage is completed, does her consent apply to the previous contract, and we say that the marriage is now valid because she approved it? Or is it necessary to renew the contract? The precaution is to renew the contract again. It is requested that the husband stay away from her, two witnesses are present, and a new precautionary contract is made for him, and he returns to her with this new contract.
Second: And among the important things in the marriage contract is the wali (guardian). The woman does not marry herself, even if she is one of the most intelligent women, and even if she is a widow, she does not marry herself, due to the saying of the Prophet (peace and blessings be upon him): And this is a negation of validity, meaning: the marriage is not valid except with a wali. And this is indicated by the saying of Allah Blessed and Exalted is He: .
And this indicates that the wali has an effect in the marriage contract or its absence. So it is necessary that the marriage be with a wali. The wali is: the one who takes charge of her affairs from the 'asabah (residuary male heirs). There is no place for those related through females in the marriage contract, nor for those who trace their lineage through a female. For example: Is the father a wali or not? Yes, the father is a wali. The son is a wali, and the full brother is a wali, and the brother on the father's side is a wali, and the full paternal uncle is a wali, and the paternal uncle on the father's side is a wali, the son of the full paternal uncle is a wali, and the son of the paternal uncle on the father's side is a wali. The important thing is that they are from the 'asabah. The brother on the mother's side is not a wali, because he traces his lineage through a female. And on this basis, if there is a woman who has a brother on the mother's side and a distant paternal cousin, the one who marries her is her distant paternal cousin.
Is the maternal uncle, meaning the brother of her father on the mother's side, a wali? No, because he traces his lineage through a female. And some people make a mistake where they think that the grandfather on the mother's side is a wali, or that the maternal uncle is a wali, or that the brother on the mother's side is a wali, or the like of that. These people have no authority in marriage at all.
So the wali is then: who? The one who is from her 'asabah, not the one who traces his lineage through a female.
But it is obligatory for the wali to fear Allah Mighty and Majestic regarding the one over whom Allah has appointed him. If someone who is worthy proposes to her, he marries her if she consents. And if someone who is not worthy proposes to her, he does not marry her, even if she consents to this man and he is not worthy in his religion. It is not permissible for her wali to marry her, because he is responsible for her. If someone who does not pray proposes to her, does he marry her to him? No, he does not marry her to him. If someone who is known for open sinfulness by drinking intoxicants and hashish proposes to her, does he marry her to him or not? No, even if she consents and says that she wants this man, he does not marry her to him. If she says: I do not want to marry anyone else, does he marry her to him? No, he does not marry her to him. Even if she dies and she has not married, there is no sin on him, because this is a trust, and it is obligatory for him to choose one who is worthy in his religion and character, because he is a trustee over this woman.
Among what relates to marriage: the 'iddah (waiting period). If a woman separates from her husband, she must have an 'iddah, except if he did not enter with her and did not have seclusion with her. Like a man who marries a woman and she is in a country, then he divorces her before he has seclusion with her. Then she has no 'iddah, due to the saying of Allah the Exalted: Did you understand?
So: the 'iddah, if the woman is divorced before entry and seclusion, is not obligatory. It is permissible for her to marry immediately, to marry another man.
But if he dies before he enters with her and has seclusion with her, then she has an 'iddah. Like a man who contracts a woman and then dies before he enters with her and before he has seclusion with her, then she has an 'iddah, due to the generality of the saying of Allah Blessed and Exalted is He: And Allah Blessed and Exalted is He did not condition entry or anything else, unlike divorce. Allah the Exalted made it clear that if he divorces her before he touches her, she has no 'iddah. Did you understand?
And among the matters related to divorce is that it is not permissible for a man to divorce his wife except in two cases, or rather, in three cases. Let us mention the prohibited cases, and the rest is lawful:
It is not permissible to divorce her during a period of purity in which he had intercourse with her, unless it is revealed that she is pregnant.
And it is not permissible to divorce her while she is menstruating. The evidence for this is the saying of Allah, Blessed and Exalted is He: up to His saying: So what is the meaning of His saying: ? The Prophet (peace and blessings be upon him) clarified this, and it is that he should divorce her during a period of purity in which he did not have intercourse with her. This is divorce for the waiting period. If he divorces her while she is menstruating before he has entered her and been alone with her, is it lawful or forbidden?

The questioner : ...

The Shaykh : Why? Because she has no waiting period at all, and Allah says: This is for the one who has no waiting period.
Now, if he divorces her while she is a young girl after he has entered her, and she is a young girl who does not menstruate, and he divorces her after intercourse, is it permissible or not?
It is permissible. Why? Because her waiting period is by months. So from the moment he divorces her, the waiting period begins. And Allah, Mighty and Majestic, says: And the young woman who has not yet started menstruating, her waiting period is three months, beginning from the time of the divorce. For this reason, Allah the Exalted said: What is it?
Now, a man has a wife who has reached the age of menopause, meaning her menstruation has stopped, and he divorces her after intercourse.
Is it permissible or not? It is permissible, my brothers. Why? Because from the moment he divorces her, she begins her waiting period, and her waiting period is not by menstruation but by months, and it has been prescribed for her from now.
Now, a man has intercourse with his wife while she is pregnant and divorces her after the intercourse. Is it permissible or not? It is permissible. Why?
Because she begins her waiting period from now, since her waiting period is from the separation until she delivers the child. And Allah, Mighty and Majestic, says: But if he divorces her during menstruation, he has not divorced her for a waiting period, because this menstruation in which he divorced her is not counted among the three menstruations that constitute the waiting period.
He divorced her during a period of purity in which he had intercourse with her. He does not know if she became pregnant from this intercourse. So what is her waiting period? If she became pregnant from this intercourse, what is her waiting period? By delivering the child. Or if she did not become pregnant, her waiting period is by menstruations.
Therefore, if he divorces her during a period of purity in which he had intercourse with her, he has not divorced her for a known waiting period. He does not know. If a pregnancy results from this intercourse, her waiting period is by the pregnancy. If no pregnancy results, her waiting period is by menstruation. So we are now in a state of doubt; he has not divorced her for a certain waiting period.
And the summary is: divorce before entry and seclusion is permissible in all cases, whether she is menstruating or not.
Divorce of a pregnant woman is permissible in all cases.
Divorce of a woman in a state of purity during a period of purity in which he did not have intercourse with her is permissible. Yes.
Divorce of a menstruating woman is forbidden.
Divorce of a woman in a state of purity during a period of purity in which he had intercourse with her is forbidden. However, if it is revealed that she is pregnant, he may divorce her because she is then considered pregnant.
And among the matters related to marriage is that if intercourse occurs between the spouses, it is obligatory for both of them to perform the full ritual bath, whether ejaculation occurred or not. This is hidden from many people. Many people think that the full ritual bath is not obligatory unless ejaculation occurs, and that if a man has intercourse with a woman and does not ejaculate, the full ritual bath is not required of them. This is a mistake.
This was the case in the early days of Islam, but it was later abrogated, and it became obligatory for a person who has intercourse with a woman to perform the full ritual bath, and she must also perform it. The evidence for this is the hadith of Abu Hurayrah (may Allah be pleased with him) that the Prophet (peace and blessings be upon him) said: This is an explicit text regarding the obligation of the full ritual bath from intercourse without ejaculation.
The full ritual bath is also obligatory in another case, which is when ejaculation occurs, whether intercourse took place or not. So if he kissed his wife and ejaculated, the full ritual bath is obligatory for him. And the woman is the same; it is obligatory for her if she ejaculates, and if not, it is not. So the full ritual bath becomes obligatory by one of two things: intercourse or ejaculation. Now, if both intercourse and ejaculation occur, is the full ritual bath obligatory? Is it? Now, is one full ritual bath obligatory or two?
The student: One

The Shaykh : One. Yes, because the act is one. Indeed, if he had intercourse and did not perform the full ritual bath, then had intercourse again and did not perform the full ritual bath, then had intercourse a third time and did not perform the full ritual bath, how many full ritual baths are obligatory for him? One, because even if the events are multiplied, one state of purity suffices for them. For this reason, if a person urinates, defecates, passes wind, eats camel meat, and sleeps deeply—five things—how many ablutions are required of him?
The student: One

The Shaykh : One. Yes.
Now, and among the things required by the marriage contract is mutual inheritance between the spouses. If the wife dies leaving her husband and she has no children, neither from him nor from anyone else, he is entitled to half of her wealth. And if he dies leaving her and he has no children from her or from anyone else, she is entitled to a quarter. Is this inheritance established even if he did not enter her? Yes, meaning if a man marries a woman and he has many dirhams, then dies before entering her and being alone with her, does she inherit from him? Yes, she inherits from him, and the full bridal gift is established for her, and she has a waiting period, as the Prophet (peace and blessings be upon him) ruled in the case of Barwa' bint Washiq.
And among the matters related to marriage, which is very important, is that it is obligatory for each of the spouses to treat the other with kindness, by the saying of Allah, Blessed and Exalted is He: It is obligatory for the woman to treat her husband with kindness and to fulfill his right to the extent of her ability. And it is obligatory for the husband likewise to treat his wife with kindness and to fear Allah in her, as the Prophet (peace and blessings be upon him and his family) advised in the Farewell Pilgrimage, in the greatest Islamic gathering, when he said: So he advised regarding women, and he said: And he (may Allah's prayer and peace be upon him) said: And "al-'ani" is the plural of "a'aniyyah," and "a'aniyyah" is a captive woman, meaning: in the position of a captive.
So it is obligatory for each of the spouses to fulfill what Allah has made obligatory of good treatment, and the husband must not dominate the wife because he is higher than her and because her affairs are in his hand. Likewise, it is not permissible for the wife to be arrogant toward the husband, but each of them should treat the other with kindness.
Now, it is known that a husband may develop a dislike for his wife, either due to her negligence in his right, or due to a deficiency in her intellect and intelligence, or the like. So how should he treat this woman? We say: This is found in the Qur'an and the Sunnah. Allah, Blessed and Exalted is He, said: And this is the reality. A person may dislike his wife for a reason, then he is patient, and Allah, Mighty and Majestic, makes much good in this. The dislike turns into love, and the weariness into comfort, and so on. And the Prophet (peace and blessings be upon him and his family) said: Meaning: he does not hate her or dislike her Look at the contrast. The Messenger (may Allah's prayer and peace be upon him) was given wisdom by Allah. Does anyone have their desire fulfilled in this world? Answer: No, never. Your desire will not be fulfilled in this world, and if it is fulfilled in one thing, it is deficient in another. Even regarding days, Allah, Mighty and Majestic, says: And regarding this, the pre-Islamic poet said:
"And a day is upon us and a day is for us *** And a day we are humiliated and a day we are pleased"
Try this and you will find it. The world does not remain in one state. And among the common proverbs is: "The permanence of a state is impossible".
So if you dislike something in your spouse, counter it.