I do not fall short in fulfilling my father's requests, nor my wife's requests, and my wife is obedient to me in all my requirements and the requirements of my home and my children, so one day

The questioner : I ask you, O honorable Shaykh, about undutifulness to parents, for it is one of the major sins. I do not fall short in fulfilling my father's requests, nor my wife's requests, and my wife is obedient to me in all my requirements and the requirements of my home and my children. So one day a disagreement occurred over the phone between my mother and my wife's mother. My mother says to me: "Divorce your wife because of her mother; she did such and such." The question is: What is the ruling on that? What is my wife's sin? And am I to obey my mother in that?

The Shaykh : There is no doubt that dutifulness to parents is obligatory and that undutifulness to them is forbidden, indeed it is among the major sins. It is established from the Prophet (peace and blessings be upon him), in the hadith of Abu Bakrah, that the Prophet (peace and blessings be upon him) said: He was leaning, so he sat up and said: He kept repeating it until they said: "If only he would have been silent." However, sometimes a mother feels jealousy when she sees her son's love for his wife; she dislikes the wife and tries to make her husband separate from her, and she works to sow discord between her and her son. She may even state it explicitly, saying, "Either me or your wife." In this case, the husband is not obligated, if his mother orders him to divorce his wife, to divorce her. Rather, he may say, "O my mother, this is my wife; I cannot divorce her," and he should manage his mother's feelings and be gentle with her. As for saying, "Separate from your wife at your mother's request," that is not permissible. If someone asks: "Did the Prophet (peace and blessings be upon him and his family) not order Abdullah ibn 'Umar, when 'Umar ordered him to divorce his wife, to obey 'Umar and divorce her?" The answer is: Yes, but 'Umar (may Allah be pleased with him) did not order his son to divorce his wife except for a legitimate religious reason. Therefore, the Prophet (peace and blessings be upon him) ordered Abdullah ibn 'Umar to divorce the wife. This was presented to Imam Ahmad (may Allah have mercy on him), and a man asked him, saying: "My father orders me to divorce my wife; should I divorce her?" He said: "Do not divorce her." The man said: "Did the Prophet (peace and blessings be upon him) not order Abdullah ibn 'Umar to divorce his wife when 'Umar ordered him?" He said: "Is your father 'Umar?" So he distinguished between the two. If the reason for the mother's order for her son to divorce his wife is jealousy, he should not obey her, and he is not considered undutiful. But if the reason for that is a legitimate religious cause, then he divorces the wife, not because his mother ordered him, but because his mother clarified to him what is in her that is a legitimate religious reason necessitating divorce. In this case, he should investigate—meaning the husband should investigate—whether his mother is certain or not. Because a mother may hear something, and out of her intense compassion for her son, she thinks that this thing necessitates the son divorcing the wife, but that is not the case. Here, he must verify and look at what the reason is. Yes.

The questioner : May Allah reward you and bless you, O honorable Shaykh. This is a questioner for the program who says.