Some fathers are found to be harsh in their treatment of their children, treating them in a way that instills fear and panic in them; some of them hit, curse, and invoke curses, and if the child exceeds this stage and grows up, the situation changes to something worse than that, such as saying to his son, "If you do not marry so-and-so's daughter, I am not pleased with you," or "If you do not give me such-and-such, I am not pleased with you," and so on, all under the pretext that "You and your wealth belong to your father." Is there any advice regarding this?
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The questioner : We know that our noble religion commanded us to obey our parents in every matter that pleases Allah (Mighty and Majestic). The question is: There are some fathers who are found to be harsh in their treatment of their children, treating them in a way that instills fear and panic in them; some of them hit, curse, and invoke curses. If the child exceeds this stage and grows up, the situation changes to something worse than that, and the second stage arrives: "If you do not marry so-and-so's daughter, I am not pleased with you," or "If you do not give me such-and-such, I am not pleased with you," and several other things in this area, all under the pretext: Is there any advice and guidance for these fathers, O honorable Shaykh?
The Shaykh : Yes, my advice to fathers and mothers is to fear Allah (Mighty and Majestic) in raising their children, both sons and daughters, and to help them to be dutiful to them, and that is through gentleness, proper guidance, and the absence of violence. Let them know that it is established from the Prophet (peace and blessings be upon him):Sunan Ibn Majah 3689Sahih (Darussalam) And that He (Mighty and Majestic): Sahih Muslim 2593.
And convey to them that violence leads to severance and undutifulness to parents, because souls are naturally inclined to hate those who treat them badly and to love those who treat them well.
As for the children, I advise them to be patient and to seek reward from Allah (Mighty and Majestic), and to ask Allah (the Exalted) not to let their fathers and mothers dominate them. Let them know that for every crisis there is a relief, and that Allah (the Exalted) rewards the patient with reward without limit. Then, if their fathers or mothers command them to do something that is difficult for them and does not benefit the parents, or command them to do something that harms their religion or their worldly affairs, it is not obligatory for them to obey their parents in that, because obedience to parents is only obligatory when the command benefits the parents and does not harm the children.
And let them always prefer the side of patience and seeking reward, and waiting for relief, and let them ask Allah (the Exalted) for that, for Allah (the Exalted) says:[Al-Baqarah 2:186].
The questioner : May Allah reward you with good.
You and your wealth belong to your father
أنت ومالك لأبيكThe Shaykh : Yes, my advice to fathers and mothers is to fear Allah (Mighty and Majestic) in raising their children, both sons and daughters, and to help them to be dutiful to them, and that is through gentleness, proper guidance, and the absence of violence. Let them know that it is established from the Prophet (peace and blessings be upon him):
Allah is Gentle and loves gentleness in all things.
أن الله رفيق يحب الرفق في الأمر كلهconfers upon kindness which he does not confer upon severity
يعطي على الرفق ما لا يعطيه على العنفAnd convey to them that violence leads to severance and undutifulness to parents, because souls are naturally inclined to hate those who treat them badly and to love those who treat them well.
As for the children, I advise them to be patient and to seek reward from Allah (Mighty and Majestic), and to ask Allah (the Exalted) not to let their fathers and mothers dominate them. Let them know that for every crisis there is a relief, and that Allah (the Exalted) rewards the patient with reward without limit. Then, if their fathers or mothers command them to do something that is difficult for them and does not benefit the parents, or command them to do something that harms their religion or their worldly affairs, it is not obligatory for them to obey their parents in that, because obedience to parents is only obligatory when the command benefits the parents and does not harm the children.
And let them always prefer the side of patience and seeking reward, and waiting for relief, and let them ask Allah (the Exalted) for that, for Allah (the Exalted) says:
And when My servants ask you, [O Muhammad], concerning Me - indeed I am near. I respond to the invocation of the supplicant when he calls upon Me. So let them respond to Me [by obedience] and believe in Me that they may be [rightly] guided.
وَإِذَا سَأَلَكَ عِبَادِي عَنِّي فَإِنِّي قَرِيبٌ أُجِيبُ دَعْوَةَ الدَّاعِ إِذَا دَعَانِ فَلْيَسْتَجِيبُوا لِي وَلْيُؤْمِنُوا بِي لَعَلَّهُمْ يَرْشُدُونَThe questioner : May Allah reward you with good.