How long should a husband abstain from his wife in the bedroom?
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The questioner : In the name of Allah, the Most Gracious, the Most Merciful.
The Shaykh: A questioner asks, saying: A man has a wife, and he has abstained from her in the bedroom to discipline her. The question is: How long should the abstention in the bedroom last, especially if this abstention has not been effective for the woman?
The Shaykh : Allah, Glorified and Exalted is He, mentioned in His Noble Book three levels or three stages, saying:[An-Nisa 4:34] This is the first thing with which a person begins.
[An-Nisa 4:34] This is the second level or the second stage.
This is the third stage. So, if abstention has not been effective, he strikes her, but with a strike that is not severe, meaning: not painful or hurtful, because the intention is discipline. However, he should not resort to striking except in extreme cases, because the Messenger (peace and blessings be upon him) condemned the situation where a man beats his wife like a slave and then lies with her, because this is not possible according to nature. How can a woman be reconciled with a man who struck her hours ago and now lies with her? This is far from the hearts and innate dispositions. Therefore, one should not resort to striking after ineffective abstention except in a case of extreme necessity.
Then, if the situation improves, otherwise two men are appointed: one from his family and one from her family, and they reconcile between them. It is obligatory for these two men to fear Allah, Mighty and Majestic, and to take justice, and to seek reconciliation. And Allah the Exalted said:[An-Nisa 4:35] meaning the husband and the wife and the two arbitrators: [An-Nisa 4:35] Yes.
The Shaykh: A questioner asks, saying: A man has a wife, and he has abstained from her in the bedroom to discipline her. The question is: How long should the abstention in the bedroom last, especially if this abstention has not been effective for the woman?
The Shaykh : Allah, Glorified and Exalted is He, mentioned in His Noble Book three levels or three stages, saying:
But those [wives] from whom you fear arrogance - [first] advise them
وَاللَّاتِي تَخَافُونَ نُشُوزَهُنَّ فَعِظُوهُنَّMen are in charge of women by [right of] what Allah has given one over the other and what they spend [for maintenance] from their wealth. So righteous women are devoutly obedient, guarding in [the husband's] absence what Allah would have them guard. But those [wives] from whom you fear arrogance - [first] advise them; [then if they persist], forsake them in bed; and [finally], strike them. But if they obey you [once more], seek no means against them. Indeed, Allah is ever Exalted and Grand.
وَاهْجُرُوهُنَّ فِي الْمَضَاجِعِand strike them
وَاضْرِبُوهُنَّThen, if the situation improves, otherwise two men are appointed: one from his family and one from her family, and they reconcile between them. It is obligatory for these two men to fear Allah, Mighty and Majestic, and to take justice, and to seek reconciliation. And Allah the Exalted said: