I asked my husband for a divorce due to a lack of harmony in our marital life, but he refused. Is it permissible for me to separate from him with my life and children without a divorce, since I am unable to
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The questioner : I asked my husband for a divorce due to a lack of harmony in our marital life, but he refused. Is it permissible for me to separate from him with my life and children without a divorce, since I am unable to fulfill his marital rights?
The Shaykh : It is obligatory for both spouses to treat each other with kindness, as Allah the Exalted said:[Al-Baqarah 2:228] and as He said: .
Here we say in answer to this questioner: If the fault lies with the husband, who has neglected what is obligatory for him toward you and has not fulfilled it, or has transgressed against what is not permissible for him to do to you and violated it, then you have the right to ask for if you are unable to bear with him.
And if the matter is the opposite, and the fault is yours, you being the one who neglected the husband's right, then it is not permissible for you to neglect his right or transgress against his right. It is also not permissible for you to ask for a divorce, because the Prophet (peace and blessings be upon him) said:Musannaf Ibn Abi Shaybah 8:1348.
As for when the matter is not from you nor from him, but there is in your heart a strong aversion to him such that you cannot remain with him, then there is no blame on you in this case to ask for a divorce. Indeed, the wife of Thabit ibn Qays ibn al-Shammas (may Allah be pleased with him) came to the Prophet (peace and blessings be upon him) and said, "O Messenger of Allah, I find no fault in Thabit ibn Qays in his character or his religion, but I dislike disbelief in Islam," meaning she disliked that she would be ungrateful for his right and not fulfill it. So she asked (may Allah be pleased with her) for separation. The Prophet (peace and blessings be upon him) said to her: She said, "Yes." Then the Prophet (peace and blessings be upon him) said to him, meaning to Thabit: Sahih al-Bukhari 5273 This is the ruling regarding a woman asking for a divorce.
As for her remaining with her husband but not fulfilling his right, this is forbidden for her, except if that is in response to a husband who does not fulfill the right. Indeed, if a woman's husband prevents her right, she may prevent him from his right to the extent that he prevented her from her right, as Allah the Exalted said:[Al-Baqarah 2:194] and as He said: [An-Nahl 16:126].
But if the state of the spouses becomes such, then it is obligatory to strive for reconciliation between them, by seeking men of religion and good character from among the relatives of the spouses to look into the matter and reconcile between them, as Allah the Exalted said:[An-Nisa 4:35].
I ask Allah for success to bring every couple together in goodness.
The Shaykh : It is obligatory for both spouses to treat each other with kindness, as Allah the Exalted said:
And due to the wives is similar to what is expected of them, according to what is reasonable
ولهن مثل الذي عليهن بالمعروفand live with them in kindness
وعاشروهن بالمعروفHere we say in answer to this questioner: If the fault lies with the husband, who has neglected what is obligatory for him toward you and has not fulfilled it, or has transgressed against what is not permissible for him to do to you and violated it, then you have the right to ask for
Divorce
الطلاقAnd if the matter is the opposite, and the fault is yours, you being the one who neglected the husband's right, then it is not permissible for you to neglect his right or transgress against his right. It is also not permissible for you to ask for a divorce, because the Prophet (peace and blessings be upon him) said:
Any woman who asks her husband for a divorce without a valid reason, the fragrance of Paradise is forbidden to her
أيما امرأة سألت زوجها الطلاق من غير ما بأس فحرام عليها رائحة الجنةAs for when the matter is not from you nor from him, but there is in your heart a strong aversion to him such that you cannot remain with him, then there is no blame on you in this case to ask for a divorce. Indeed, the wife of Thabit ibn Qays ibn al-Shammas (may Allah be pleased with him) came to the Prophet (peace and blessings be upon him) and said, "O Messenger of Allah, I find no fault in Thabit ibn Qays in his character or his religion, but I dislike disbelief in Islam," meaning she disliked that she would be ungrateful for his right and not fulfill it. So she asked (may Allah be pleased with her) for separation. The Prophet (peace and blessings be upon him) said to her:
Will you return his garden to him?
أتردين عليه حديقتهAccept your garden, and divorce her once.
اقبل الحديقة وطلقها تطليقةAs for her remaining with her husband but not fulfilling his right, this is forbidden for her, except if that is in response to a husband who does not fulfill the right. Indeed, if a woman's husband prevents her right, she may prevent him from his right to the extent that he prevented her from her right, as Allah the Exalted said:
So whoever has assaulted you, then assault him in the same way that he has assaulted you
فمن اعتدى عليكم فاعتدوا عليه بمثل ما اعتدى عليكمAnd if you punish [an enemy, O believers], punish with an equivalent of that with which you were harmed
وإن عاقبتم فعاقبوا بمثل ما عوقبتم بهBut if the state of the spouses becomes such, then it is obligatory to strive for reconciliation between them, by seeking men of religion and good character from among the relatives of the spouses to look into the matter and reconcile between them, as Allah the Exalted said:
And if you fear dissension between the two, send an arbitrator from his people and an arbitrator from her people. If they both desire reconciliation, Allah will cause it between them
وإن خفتم شقاق بينهما فابعثوا حكماً من أهله وحكماً من أهلها إن يريدا أصلاحاً يوفق الله بينهماI ask Allah for success to bring every couple together in goodness.