Light on the Path-366b
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The questioner : When a young man proposes to a girl, the girl's family asks about the groom through his neighbors and colleagues at work regarding the religion and morals of that groom. We find that some people hide the truth from the girl's family; we find them praising the groom and describing him with qualities that are not actually in him, to the extent that they make him appear as one of those who maintain the prayers in the mosque in congregation, when in reality he may not know the way to the mosque and has not bowed to Allah in a single rak'ah, and other than that, he commits some sins, and what is hidden is even greater. How many victims have been lost in such a case. He saysThe questioner : This is what happened to one of the committed sisters, we consider her to be so, and we do not declare anyone pure before Allah, but after the marriage she discovered the truth about this husband and the extent of the deception and lying that occurred to her from these people, which forced her to seek divorce. So I ask you to clarify the ruling in the Shari'ah in your view regarding the action of these people, and what is your advice to them?
The Shaykh : First: I clarify the ruling on the words used: "groom" and "bride." In reality, they are not a groom and a bride, but rather a suitor and a woman being proposed to. A person should ensure that when he speaks, his words are precise and refined.
As for what concerns some people describing the suitor as having good character and religion when he is innocent of that or deficient in it, this is, by Allah, pure deception. It is contrary to the religion because the Prophet (peace and blessings be upon him) said: He repeated it three times They said: For whom, O Messenger of Allah? He said: Sahih Muslim 55a.
And these people who praise the suitor while they are lying, by Allah, they did not give sincere advice to the general Muslims; rather, they deceived and tricked them. Then these poor people who think they are doing a favor to the suitor have actually done him harm by deceiving people about him. Then he will become unhappy later when he finds out that he is not of good character and religion. There will be unhappiness between him and his wife, and between his family and her family, and the marriage will become a hell, may Allah protect us.
My advice to these people is to fear Allah the Mighty and Majestic and to state the truth, even if it is their son and he has proposed to people and they know that their son is lazy in worship and bad in character. They must state it and say: "By Allah, our son prays little in congregation, is bad in character, quick to anger, and slow to recover from anger. If you wish, marry him to you; otherwise, leave him." This is the obligation. Allah the Mighty and Majestic said:[An-Nisa 4:135].
And what the questioner mentioned about some committed women falling into problems because of this deception is a reality, and we are often asked about it. In this case, it should be said at the time of the contract: "We condition that he be upright in his religion and character. If he is not upright, we have the right to annul the marriage," so that they may be at ease. If he is not upright, they have the right to annul it, because uprightness in religion and character is among the required matters, as in the hadith:Jami` at-Tirmidhi 1085Da'if (Darussalam).
The implication of the hadith is that if we are not pleased with his religion and character, we do not marry him. So I say, if we fear that we will fall into such a situation, which is common, we say: "On the condition that he be upright in character and religion. If he is not so, the woman has the right to annul the marriage." This becomes a valid condition intended with a legal intent. If he is not upright in religion and character, she says, "In the name of Allah, I have annulled my marriage from him," and she is safe from him.
The questioner : Shaykh Muhammad, if this woman is patient and seeks reward from Allah and influences this husband to maintain the prayers, would she not also have a reward?
The Shaykh : We do not know, but is this a reality?
In most cases, the husband remains as he is and may influence the wife, causing her religion and enthusiasm for religion to diminish.
The Shaykh : First: I clarify the ruling on the words used: "groom" and "bride." In reality, they are not a groom and a bride, but rather a suitor and a woman being proposed to. A person should ensure that when he speaks, his words are precise and refined.
As for what concerns some people describing the suitor as having good character and religion when he is innocent of that or deficient in it, this is, by Allah, pure deception. It is contrary to the religion because the Prophet (peace and blessings be upon him) said:
The religion is sincere advice
الدين النصيحةThe religion is sincere advice, the religion is sincere advice
الدين النصيحة الدين النصيحةTo Allah, to His Book, To His Messenger, and to the leaders of the Muslims and their masses.
لله ولكتابه ولرسوله ولأئمة المسلمين وعامتهمAnd these people who praise the suitor while they are lying, by Allah, they did not give sincere advice to the general Muslims; rather, they deceived and tricked them. Then these poor people who think they are doing a favor to the suitor have actually done him harm by deceiving people about him. Then he will become unhappy later when he finds out that he is not of good character and religion. There will be unhappiness between him and his wife, and between his family and her family, and the marriage will become a hell, may Allah protect us.
My advice to these people is to fear Allah the Mighty and Majestic and to state the truth, even if it is their son and he has proposed to people and they know that their son is lazy in worship and bad in character. They must state it and say: "By Allah, our son prays little in congregation, is bad in character, quick to anger, and slow to recover from anger. If you wish, marry him to you; otherwise, leave him." This is the obligation. Allah the Mighty and Majestic said:
O you who have believed, be persistently standing firm in justice, witnesses for Allah, even if it be against yourselves or parents and relatives
يا أيها الذين آمنوا كونوا قوامين بالقسط شهداء لله ولو على أنفسكم أو الوالدين والأقربينAnd what the questioner mentioned about some committed women falling into problems because of this deception is a reality, and we are often asked about it. In this case, it should be said at the time of the contract: "We condition that he be upright in his religion and character. If he is not upright, we have the right to annul the marriage," so that they may be at ease. If he is not upright, they have the right to annul it, because uprightness in religion and character is among the required matters, as in the hadith:
When someone whose religion and character you are pleased with comes to you then marry (her to) him
إذا أتاكم من ترضون دينه وخلقه فأنكحوهThe implication of the hadith is that if we are not pleased with his religion and character, we do not marry him. So I say, if we fear that we will fall into such a situation, which is common, we say: "On the condition that he be upright in character and religion. If he is not so, the woman has the right to annul the marriage." This becomes a valid condition intended with a legal intent. If he is not upright in religion and character, she says, "In the name of Allah, I have annulled my marriage from him," and she is safe from him.
The questioner : Shaykh Muhammad, if this woman is patient and seeks reward from Allah and influences this husband to maintain the prayers, would she not also have a reward?
The Shaykh : We do not know, but is this a reality?
In most cases, the husband remains as he is and may influence the wife, causing her religion and enthusiasm for religion to diminish.