The Etiquette of Engagement and Its Regulations
Machine translationRead the Arabic original
A listener named Muhammad al-Adimi from Taiz in the Yemen Arab Republic sent a question asking: What are the Islamic etiquettes of engagement? May Allah reward you with good.
Answer: It is recommended that he see the woman if it is possible. This is one of the etiquettes, and one of the causes of success is that he should strive to see her before contracting the marriage through lawful means. This can be done by asking permission from her family so that he can see her, or by sitting in a place where he can see her, even without her permission, or even without her family's permission. He should be in a location where he can see her without her knowledge, through her neighbors or otherwise, in a manner that does not involve seclusion. He should only see her from a distance. If he asks for permission and meets her, sees her, and speaks with her, and she speaks with him, there is no harm in that. This is because the Messenger of Allah (peace and blessings be upon him) ordered the suitor to look. He said:Musannaf Ibn Abi Shaybah 6:1350. A man came to him (peace and blessings be upon him) and mentioned that he had proposed to a woman. The Prophet (peace and blessings be upon him) said: Sunan al-Bayhaqi 10:880. Narrated by Muslim.
The Sunnah is that he should look if it is possible, but without seclusion. Rather, it should be in the presence of her father, or her brother, or her mother, or a group of other people. The point is that he does not seclude himself with her. Or he may look at her from a distance without her knowledge, or without her family's knowledge, and there is no harm in that. This is because it is one of the causes of success if he sees her and is satisfied with her. If that is not possible, it is prescribed for him to send a trustworthy woman to see her and give him a report about her. Yes.
The presenter: May Allah reward you with good. So, do you require the absence of seclusion in all cases?
The Shaykh: The absence of seclusion is necessary. Seclusion is not permissible because it is forbidden, and because it is also one of the causes of fitnah (trial, discord or temptation). Yes.
The presenter: And the engagement may not be completed?
The Shaykh: Yes, the engagement may not be completed.
The presenter: May Allah reward you with good. Is it possible for the engagement between the two parties to last a long period if they agree, for example, two or three years due to study circumstances?
The Shaykh: No, it has no limit. We do not know of a limit in this matter. However, he must not seclude himself with her, nor ride with her, nor travel with her. Rather, it is obligatory that each one be far from the other so that fitnah (trial, discord or temptation) does not occur. It is only conversation by telephone, or visiting in a public manner, meaning: among her family. He visits them, contacts her, and inquires about her news, and there is no harm in that.
The presenter: May Allah reward you with good.
Answer: It is recommended that he see the woman if it is possible. This is one of the etiquettes, and one of the causes of success is that he should strive to see her before contracting the marriage through lawful means. This can be done by asking permission from her family so that he can see her, or by sitting in a place where he can see her, even without her permission, or even without her family's permission. He should be in a location where he can see her without her knowledge, through her neighbors or otherwise, in a manner that does not involve seclusion. He should only see her from a distance. If he asks for permission and meets her, sees her, and speaks with her, and she speaks with him, there is no harm in that. This is because the Messenger of Allah (peace and blessings be upon him) ordered the suitor to look. He said:
If one of you proposes to a woman, and if he is able to look at what would incline him to marry her, let him do so.
إذا خطب أحدكم المرأة فإن استطاع أن ينظر منها إلى ما يدعوه إلى نكاحها فليفعلDid you look at her? He said: No. He said: Go and look at her.
أنظرت إليها؟ قال: لا. قال: فاذهب فانظر إليهاThe Sunnah is that he should look if it is possible, but without seclusion. Rather, it should be in the presence of her father, or her brother, or her mother, or a group of other people. The point is that he does not seclude himself with her. Or he may look at her from a distance without her knowledge, or without her family's knowledge, and there is no harm in that. This is because it is one of the causes of success if he sees her and is satisfied with her. If that is not possible, it is prescribed for him to send a trustworthy woman to see her and give him a report about her. Yes.
The presenter: May Allah reward you with good. So, do you require the absence of seclusion in all cases?
The Shaykh: The absence of seclusion is necessary. Seclusion is not permissible because it is forbidden, and because it is also one of the causes of fitnah (trial, discord or temptation). Yes.
The presenter: And the engagement may not be completed?
The Shaykh: Yes, the engagement may not be completed.
The presenter: May Allah reward you with good. Is it possible for the engagement between the two parties to last a long period if they agree, for example, two or three years due to study circumstances?
The Shaykh: No, it has no limit. We do not know of a limit in this matter. However, he must not seclude himself with her, nor ride with her, nor travel with her. Rather, it is obligatory that each one be far from the other so that fitnah (trial, discord or temptation) does not occur. It is only conversation by telephone, or visiting in a public manner, meaning: among her family. He visits them, contacts her, and inquires about her news, and there is no harm in that.
The presenter: May Allah reward you with good.
Source
binbaz.org.sa
The Arabic text is copied verbatim from the original source, without any edits.