The Ruling on Lamentation, Wishing for Death, and What Benefits the Deceased

Question:
A message was received by the program from a group of female listeners, conveyed by the sister (S. M. J) from Libya. They asked a large number of questions, among which was a question stating: My mother (may Allah have mercy on her) passed away four years ago, and since then I have been constantly weeping for her and longing for her, and I have been unable to forget her. I tried many times to alleviate this sadness without success. I recited the Qur'an, and I supplicated to Allah for her and my father for mercy and forgiveness, and I gave charity so that the reward of the charity would be for her. At first, due to the intensity of my grief for her, I would supplicate to Allah to join me with her, and I would wish for death to join her. But my uncle forbade me from that and said to me: This is forbidden, and it is not permissible. So I stopped, and I regretted it, and I repented to Allah, and I never returned to that again. Nevertheless, I am still sad, and I have not been able to forget her. So what is your guidance for me? May Allah reward you with good.

Answer:
Praise be to Allah who has granted you the blessing of repentance. Indeed, lamentation over the deceased is one of the major evils; it is not permissible. Lamentation is an evil and a sin.
As for weeping with tears from the eyes only, it does no harm. Tears from the eyes without sound do no harm, as the Prophet (peace and blessings be upon him) said when his son Ibrahim died: .
The Prophet (peace and blessings be upon him) wept for his daughters when they died (peace and blessings be upon him). And when one of his daughters presented to him a child of hers in the context of a funeral, and he saw his own self trembling for the exit of his soul, his eyes watered (peace and blessings be upon him). He was asked about this, and he said: .
Your sadness for her, and weeping that is not accompanied by sound, does no harm. As for lamentation and making sound, this is not permissible. Nor is tearing the garment, or slapping the cheeks, or pulling out hair; all of this is not permissible. The Prophet (peace and blessings be upon him) said: , and he said (peace and blessings be upon him): .
The *salqiyyah* is the one who raises her voice at the time of calamity. The *halqiyyah* is the one who shaves her hair at the time of calamity. The *shaqqiyyah* is the one who tears her garment at the time of calamity. All of this is not permissible. As for supplicating for her, and giving charity on her behalf, this is something required and prescribed, and you have a reward in it. You are rewarded for that. Supplicating for the mother, and seeking mercy for her, is a prescribed matter. If she died upon Islam, one supplicates for her for forgiveness, mercy, safety from the Fire, elevation of degrees, and expiation of sins. One gives charity on her behalf, as the Prophet (peace and blessings be upon him) said: . And in the authentic collections, a man said: , meaning: she has a reward.
So charity from her children or from other than her children, all of it is good. Charity on behalf of the mother, on behalf of the father, on behalf of the brother, on behalf of the relatives, on behalf of other Muslims; it benefits them, it benefits the deceased.
And likewise, supplicating for them, and performing Hajj on their behalf, and 'Umrah; all of this benefits the deceased. Paying off his debt benefits him.
As for wishing for death and joining the deceased, or supplicating for it, this is not permissible, whether the deceased is a father or a mother or a brother or others. The Prophet (peace and blessings be upon him) said: . This is how Muslim narrated it in the authentic collection. And in the two authentic collections, from the Prophet (peace and blessings be upon him)...... he said: . This supplication is good. And in the hadith of 'Amir ibn Yasir (may Allah be pleased with him) , from the Prophet (peace and blessings be upon him), that he used to say: . So this supplication is good.
As for saying: O Allah, kill me, or O Allah, join me with so-and-so, meaning: kill me, this is not permissible, not with the mother nor with anyone else. So you must repent from that. And praise be to Allah, you have repented, and praise be to Allah. We ask Allah to accept it from you.
As for if a person says: , this is not a problem. Or if he says as in the hadith of 'Amir: , all of this is good. The Prophet (peace and blessings be upon him) did this because he entrusted his affair to Allah, and he did not wish for death, and he did not supplicate for it, and he entrusted all his affairs to Allah (Glorified and Exalted is He) , and He is most aware of the conditions of His servants and what is best for them . Yes.

The presenter : May Allah reward you with good.