The Ruling on Lamentation and the Difference Between It and Crying

One of the listening sisters sent a message saying: I am your sister in Allah (E.N.) from al-Madinah al-Munawwarah. She says: My mother passed away in Ramadan, and we cried over her a great deal for a long period. We were told that we must fast for the days we cried, and that the deceased is punished in his grave for the crying of his family over him. It was also said that two angels come and pour hot water on the deceased, saying: This is a gift from your family for you. Is this hadith authentic? Are we sinful for our crying? What is the ruling on remembering the deceased after a long time following his death? What is the ruling on crying over him? Does the deceased have a sacrifice?
Answer: Crying over the deceased is subject to detail: If the crying is with tears from the eyes without lamentation, there is no blame in that. The Prophet (peace and blessings be upon him) said when his son Ibrahim died: , and he said (peace and blessings be upon him) to his companions one day: And he said (peace and blessings be upon him): .
If the deceased is lamented over with a raised voice and wailing, this is what came in the hadith that he is punished in the authentic hadith. Allah knows best the reality of this punishment, the punishment of Allah which He, Glorified and Exalted is He, knows. This indicates that it is not permissible for the family of the deceased to lament over him, to raise their voices in lamentation over him. The Prophet (peace and blessings be upon him) said: And he said (peace and blessings be upon him): The *salqah* is the one who raises her voice at the time of calamity, the *halqah* is the one who shaves her hair, and the *shaqqah* is the one who tears her garment. All of this is not permissible.
As for the hadith mentioned by the questioner: We do not know of any basis for it. This hadith has no basis in our knowledge. Rather, what is preserved and known is: This is established from the Prophet (peace and blessings be upon him), but Allah knows best its manner. It contains a warning to relatives and friends against lamenting over the deceased, because it harms him.
As for fasting, there is no basis for it. Fasting for the deceased for the number of days he was lamented over, this has no basis. You do not have to fast, the family does not have to fast. Rather, they must repent if they lamented. If they raised their voices, they must repent to Allah, feel remorse, and not return to such a thing. This is the obligatory thing. This is from the side of... whoever raised his voice, he repents to Allah, feels remorse, and resolves not to return, and he leaves that thing. This is the obligatory thing, repentance only. As for fasting, no. And the sacrifice is permissible. If one sacrifices for the deceased, or gives charity on his behalf, it is all good. If one sacrifices for the deceased, or for himself and his deceased, one sacrifice for the man and his family, the deceased is included among them, from his father and mother, or the woman for her husband or for herself and her husband, it is all good. And so is charity, charity for the deceased, with money, currency, or food, or clothes, it is all good. It all benefits the deceased. It is established from him (peace and blessings be upon him): Meaning: she has a reward. And he said (may Allah’s prayer and peace be upon him): So supplication for the deceased and charity on his behalf benefits him, and Allah benefits him with that. And so is beneficial knowledge that he left among the people, he left students who teach the people, and he left beneficial books from which people learn. This benefits him after death, just as supplication for him, seeking forgiveness for him, and sending blessings upon him benefit him. So is building mosques with the intention of it being an endowment for him, a mosque or a school where the Qur'an, hadiths, and the Muhammadan Shari'ah are taught. This benefits the deceased. So are good endowments, an endowment for the poor, from houses that are rented out and their rents are given in charity to the poor, palm trees, gardens that are endowed and their fruits are given in charity to the poor and the needy and in the causes of good. All of this benefits the deceased. Yes.
The presenter: May Allah reward you with good, Your Eminence the Shaykh! The difference between lamentation and crying by raising the voice if a person is overcome by it, or lamentation for a fee as was done in the pre-Islamic age of ignorance, how do you direct people regarding this...? May Allah reward you with good?
The Shaykh: Lamentation is as mentioned before. Lamentation is raising the voice, whether for a fee or without a fee. Raising one's voice due to intense pain, intense grief, or following others, or showing off, or pleasing the family of the deceased, all of this is not permissible.
As for ordinary crying with tears from the eyes, or with a slight, light voice, this is not called lamentation, because this may happen to a person at the time of severe calamity, or a few words heard from the son of the deceased or his brother, like what happened to Fatimah and others after the death of the Prophet (peace and blessings be upon him). The small amount is excused. As for lamentation, it is raising the voice and persisting in it. This is what is forbidden. As for the small amount, or without a voice, meaning: tears from the eyes but without a voice, without a voice that is heard, there is no blame. It is called: crying.
The presenter: May Allah bless you. If a person is overcome while crying and his voice is raised, Your Eminence the Shaykh...?
The Shaykh: We hope it will not harm him if it is little, and not by choice, but he was overcome by it without his choice, rather due to the severity of the calamity, and the severity of the impact of the calamity. Something happened from him, then he retracted and warned, there is no blame. We hope it will not harm him [al-Taghabun:16].
The presenter: May Allah reward you with good.