Advising relatives not to wail and fearing they will disobey
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Q: I told my brother, "If I pass away, do not weep for me, and do not broadcast [the news] over the microphone." I am afraid they will do so, so what is your guidance for them? May Allah reward you with good.
A: It is obligatory for Muslims in these matters to be patient and seek reward from Allah, and to refrain from wailing, tearing clothes, slapping cheeks, and the like. This is based on the saying of the Messenger (peace and blessings be upon him):Sahih al-Bukhari 1294 And his saying (peace and blessings be upon him) in the authentic hadith: Mishkat al-Masabih 1727 He said: Sahih Muslim 934 Narrated by Muslim in the Sahih.
Wailing is raising the voice in crying over the deceased. The Messenger (peace and blessings be upon him) said:Sahih Muslim 104a The "halaqah" is the woman who shaves her hair upon a calamity, or plucks it out. The "shaqqah" is the woman who tears her clothes upon a calamity. The "salqah" is the woman who raises her voice upon a calamity. All of this is part of excessive grief, so it is not permissible for a woman or a man to do any of it. It is obligatory for your family, O questioner, to accept this will and to beware of wailing over you; because wailing harms them and harms the deceased, as in the authentic hadith: Sahih Muslim 927b So it is not permissible for them to wail over the deceased.
As for crying with tears in the eyes and sadness in the heart, there is no blame on it. What is prohibited is raising the voice with screaming, based on the saying of the Prophet (peace and blessings be upon him) when his son Ibrahim died:Sahih al-Bukhari 1303 And he (peace and blessings be upon him) said: Sahih Muslim 924.
A: It is obligatory for Muslims in these matters to be patient and seek reward from Allah, and to refrain from wailing, tearing clothes, slapping cheeks, and the like. This is based on the saying of the Messenger (peace and blessings be upon him):
He who slaps his cheeks, tears his clothes and follows the ways and traditions of the Days of Ignorance is not one of us.
ليس منا من لطم الخدود، وشق الجيوب، ودعا بدعوى الجاهليةAmong my people there are four characteristics belonging to the pre-Islamic period which they do not abandon: boasting of high rank, reviling other people’s genealogies, seeking rain by the stars, and wailing.
أربع في أمتي من أمر الجاهلية: لا يتركونهن الفخر بالأحساب، والطعن في الأنساب، والاستسقاء بالنجوم، والنياحةIf the wailing woman does not repent before she dies, she will be made to stand on the Day of Resurrection wearing a garment of pitch and a chemise of mange.
النائحة إذا لم تتب قبل موتها تقام يوم القيامة وعليها سربال من قطران ودرع من جربWailing is raising the voice in crying over the deceased. The Messenger (peace and blessings be upon him) said:
I have no concern with one with whom the Messenger of Allah (ﷺ) has no concern, Verily the Messenger of Allah (ﷺ) has no concern with that woman who wails loudly, shaves her hair and tears (her garment in grief).
أنا بريء من الصالقة والحالقة والشاقةThe dead is punished in the grave because of wailing on it.
الميت يعذب في قبره بما نيح عليهAs for crying with tears in the eyes and sadness in the heart, there is no blame on it. What is prohibited is raising the voice with screaming, based on the saying of the Prophet (peace and blessings be upon him) when his son Ibrahim died:
The eyes are shedding tears and the heart is grieved, and we will not say except what pleases our Lord, O Ibrahim ! Indeed we are grieved by your separation.
العين تدمع، والقلب يحزن، ولا نقول إلا ما يرضي ربنا، وإنا بفراقك يا إبراهيم لمحزونونAllah does not punish for the tears that the eye sheds or the grief the heart feels, but He punishes for this (pointing to his tongue), or He may show mercy.
إن الله لا يعذب بدمع العين ولا بحزن القلب، ولكن يعذب بهذا- وأشار إلى لسانه- أو يرحم
Source
binbaz.org.sa
The Arabic text is copied verbatim from the original source, without any edits.