How to Deal with a Harmful Stepmother

This is a message that came from Iraq as well, from the questioner Abdullah Abdul Ghani al-‘Amiri from Mosul. He says in his message: I am married, and my mother has passed away. I have a stepmother who is unjust to me and to my wife. She constantly incites my father against me and fabricates problems and fitnah (trial, discord or temptation). She does not let us live in harmony and peace. I am an employee, and my salary is not enough for me. Despite this, I give half of my salary to my father, and I end up in debt to some people every month, and my father does not know about it. All of this is due to the actions and scheming of my stepmother. I constantly ask Allah to relieve this distress from me, and I say: If it were not for the fear of Allah, I would kill her in the worst way. And unfortunately, she prays. I ask you, may Allah reward you with good, to guide me on what I should do?
Answer: This is from the trials and tests. Allah, (Exalted and Majestic is He), says in His great Book: [Al-A‘raf: 168], and He says, (Glorified and Exalted is He): [Al-Baqarah: 155], and He says, (Exalted and Majestic is He): [Al-Anbiya: 35]. These are among the calamities and trials. People may be tested with such things, and especially a Muslim may be tested with something like this. So you must treat her with goodness, and you must be patient with this harm until Allah relieves it. You should ask Allah for her guidance, and that He protect you from her evil. If she wrongs you, ask Allah to rectify her condition, to guide her, to protect you from her evil, and to keep you safe from her trial. Treat her with kind words and gentleness. Likewise, tell your wife to treat her with goodness; perhaps Allah will protect you from her evil because of your good deeds and your excellence. She is your father’s wife, and she has a right over you, and your father has a right over you. So respect the right of your father and be good to him and to her with kind words and good actions from you and from your wife. And be assured that Allah will relieve the situation, either by her death, or by her guidance, or by your father divorcing her. If you do good, then be assured of good. Allah, (Exalted and Majestic is He), says: [Al-Rahman: 60], and He says, (Glorified and Exalted is He): [An-Nahl: 128].
Your Lord, (Glorified and Exalted is He), is All-Knowing, Generous, and Bountiful. He knows your condition, and nothing of your condition is hidden from Him. So be good to this woman who is wronging you, and ask Allah for her guidance. Be patient with what has come from her. Advise your wife to be good to her, to be gentle with her, and to speak kindly to her until Allah relieves the distress. If it does not become easy for her to return to the right path and she does not stop her evil, then inform your father about her situation. Ask his permission to be in a house by yourself until he excuses you. You will move to a house, and Allah will help you. Be patient, even if you incur debt, or if you take a loan from people. Move to a house by yourself until you are free from her evil. Inform your father of the truth. And if you see that informing him would be harmful to you, do not inform him. Instead, ask his permission that you need to move for reasons that you cannot tell him, and then move. Ask your Lord for help and success, even if you incur some debt to people. The Chosen One (peace and blessings be upon him) said: Al-Bukhari narrated it in the Sahih.
So if you borrow from your brothers what helps you with the house, and your intention is that you will repay it, then Allah, (Glorified and Exalted is He), will repay it for you, and He will make your father pleased with you. So seek help from Allah, ask Allah for guidance in your decision, and do what you see is best. We ask Allah for success for us and for you.