He says: In my village, it is customary that when one of them dies, the women wail, tear their clothes, slap their cheeks, and perform wailing. Then some of the religious men advise them, but to no avail.

The questioner : He says: In my village, it is customary that when one of them dies, the women wail, tear their clothes, slap their cheeks, and perform wailing. Then some of the religious men advise them, but to no avail. Furthermore, they follow the funeral procession to the cemetery in that state and throw dust on their heads on the way. Likewise, when the men arrive at the cemetery and bury the deceased, they sit on the grave, weeping and wailing. After forty days have passed, they prepare a dinner for the deceased, inviting everyone around them without exception. The condolence gathering ends by pouring coffee and tea on the ground. What is your opinion of this custom, and what is the ruling on those who do it?

The Shaykh : This custom is a reprehensible custom and a misguided religious innovation. It is obligatory for the Muslim, when struck by a calamity, to be pleased with the divine decree and destiny of Allah and to know that this calamity must occur no matter what, because it has been written, the pens have been dried, and the scrolls have been folded. Whatever it is, it must be what Allah (Mighty and Majestic) has decreed. As the Muslims used to say: "What Allah willed came to be, and what He did not will did not come to be." When a person is reassured by this and knows that it is from Allah (Mighty and Majestic), he is pleased and submits. As 'Alqamah said regarding the saying of Allah the Exalted: He said: "It is the man who is struck by a calamity, knows that it is from Allah, and is pleased and submits." The function of a person in calamities is patience and counting on the reward, so that he is not deprived of the reward. Indeed, the one who is truly deprived is the one who is deprived of the reward. If a calamity befalls you, say: "Indeed, to Allah we belong and to Him we return. O Allah, reward me in my calamity and replace for me something better than it." If you do that, Allah will reward you for your calamity and grant you something greater than it. This is a matter that the Prophet (peace and blessings be upon him) said, and reality has testified to it. Umm Salama (may Allah be pleased with her) was the wife of Abu Salama, and she loved him intensely. When Abu Salama (may Allah be pleased with him) passed away, she said: "O Allah, reward me in my calamity and replace for me something better than it." She used to say to herself: "Who is better than Abu Salama?" Her waiting period had not ended before the Prophet (peace and blessings be upon him) proposed to her, and she married him. So the Messenger of Allah (peace and blessings be upon him) was better for her than Abu Salama. This is also testified to by many occurrences. When a person is patient and counts on the reward, the patient are given their reward without calculation. Despair, grief, and wailing do not turn back the calamity, but they necessitate falling into sin. Indeed, wailing over the deceased is among the major sins. The Prophet (peace and blessings be upon him) cursed the wailer and the listener; the wailer is the one who wails, and the listener is the one who listens to her wailing. It is also obligatory for the men, the guardians of these women, to prevent them. It is obligatory for the authorities of the town, that is, those in power, to prevent such things in the cemeteries and in the markets, and to prevent women from following funeral processions, so that the society becomes an Islamic society that knows Allah, is pleased with the divine decree and destiny of Allah.

The questioner : May Allah reward you and give you reward.