Prohibition of Exaggeration in Bridal Gifts
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The Shaykh : And it is important in the marriage contract to reduce the bridal gift as much as possible. So, if we assume that this man offered ten thousand riyals, is it permissible to marry him to her or not? Yes, it is permissible. Ten thousand riyals is not a small amount. Now, what if a man agreed to marry his daughter, and she also agreed to be married, for ten dirhams? It is permissible. Ten dirhams! What about one dirham? It is permissible. The evidence is the saying of the Prophet (peace and blessings be upon him) to a man: Sunan an-Nasa'i 3359Sahih (Darussalam) which is not worth a dirham. Now, if the father says to the suitor: "You are a man of religion, character, and wealth, and I want to marry my daughter to you for free, without anything. I do not care about the money; I care about the man. I am giving her to you for free," and the suitor says: "I accept," is it permissible or not? He says: "This is a gift." The father of the daughter says this, and the daughter also agrees. He says: "This is a gift, because this man is wealthy, so I am giving the daughter to him as a gift. He is a wealthy man with good character and religion." This is not permissible. Now, what if another man proposed to him, a poor man who has no money, but he is a man of religion and character, and the father says: "I am marrying her to you for free, to draw closer to Allah (Mighty and Majestic) and as charity, because you are poor," and the suitor says: "May Allah reward you with good, I accept." Is the marriage valid? The marriage is not valid. The evidence, the evidence is the saying of Allah (Blessed and Exalted is He) [An-Nisa 4:24] after He mentioned the prohibited women [An-Nisa 4:24] meaning that a person must seek the woman with money, so the bridal gift is necessary. This is from the Qur'an. From the Sunnah: The Prophet (peace and blessings be upon him) said to a man: And marriage by gift is not valid except for one person, who is? The Prophet (peace and blessings be upon him), based on the saying of Allah the Exalted: [Al-Ahzab 33:50] after which comes [Al-Ahzab 33:50] Therefore: No one can marry by gift. And if a person marries someone and says: "I am giving her to you for free," some scholars said: "The marriage is not valid", and among those who said this is Shaykh al-Islam Ibn Taymiyyah (may Allah have mercy on him). And some scholars said: "The marriage is valid, but the equivalent bridal gift is obligatory for this woman". How is the equivalent bridal gift determined? It means looking at the bridal gift of her sister, her mother, her cousin, or the like, and she is given a similar bridal gift, because the consideration is necessary in marriage. We are saying that the consideration is necessary.
But it should be that we reduce the bridal gift as much as possible. But unfortunately, some guardians, may Allah guide them, have made their daughters commodities in bidding. When the suitor proposes, he says: "What do you have?" He says: "I have ten thousand." He says: "Oh, my dear, so-and-so gave me twenty thousand, and so-and-so proposed to the third one. The first one gave how much? The first one gave twenty, and the second one gave ten." The third one proposed and said: "I will give you thirty thousand." He says: "Add a little." He asked for an increase, as if it were what? As if it were a commodity in which people bid. And this, by Allah, is forbidden for them. Even the daughter says: "I want this man, even for the least amount," and the father says: "No."
And worse than that: some people condition for themselves something from the bridal gift. The father says: "I am marrying you, but I want a water tank for the sheep. Do you know what a water tank is? What is a water tank? A large barrel that is on the truck, filled with water. And he says: "I have sheep that need water, and the water is far away, so add a water tank to the bridal gift. And I also want a carrier for a large basin to transport the barley for the sheep." What is left? The mother also asks for something, she asks for something, and the brother, and so on. Until in some cases the bridal gift reaches more than two hundred thousand, we ask Allah for safety. Where does this young man get this amount? Or he borrows, and then when the debt comes due, it is turned against him a second time. This is a great evil.
And I say to those who condition for themselves: It is not permissible for you to take any of that. It is forbidden for you. So if the father becomes eloquent and says: "The Prophet (peace and blessings be upon him) said: We say to him: Until now, the bridal gift was not money for the wife. Until now, you conditioned this before the daughter owned it. If the daughter owns it, then take what you want, if it does not harm her or she needs it. But to condition for yourself and make her as if she were a commodity, this is forbidden. Recite this verse: What is it? [An-Nisa 4:4] meaning: after receiving it [An-Nisa 4:4] So He attributed the bridal gifts to the women, which indicates that the bridal gift is the property of the woman. Good.
So: The second topic of this meeting is the bridal gift, and that it should be lightened and made easy, because the most blessed marriage is the one with the least expense.
Look (for something), even if it is only an iron ring
التمس ولو خاتماً من حديدAnd lawful to you are [all others] beyond these
وَأُحِلَّ لَكُمْ مَا وَرَاءَ ذَلِكُمْthat you seek them [in marriage] with [gifts from] your property
أَنْ تَبْتَغُوا بِأَمْوَالِكُمْSeek [a gift] even if it is only an iron ring. He said: "I do not find one." - He did not say: "Then we will give it to you," but - he said: "Do you have anything from the Qur'an?" He said: "Yes." He said: "I have married her to you with what you have of the Qur'an."
التمس ولو خاتماً من حديد، قال : ما أجد، - لم يقل : إذاً نعطيك إياها، بل - قال : هل معك من القرآن شيء؟ قال : نعم. قال : زوجتكها بما معك من القرآنO Prophet, indeed We have made lawful to you your wives to whom you have given their due compensation and those your right hand possesses from what Allah has returned to you [of captives] and the daughters of your paternal uncles and the daughters of your paternal aunts and the daughters of your maternal uncles and the daughters of your maternal aunts who emigrated with you and a believing woman if she gives herself to the Prophet [and] if the Prophet wishes to marry her
يَا أَيُّهَا النَّبِيُّ إِنَّا أَحْلَلْنَا لَكَ أَزْوَاجَكَ اللَّاتِي آتَيْتَ أُجُورَهُنَّ وَمَا مَلَكَتْ يَمِينُكَ مِمَّا أَفَاءَ اللَّهُ عَلَيْكَ وَبَنَاتِ عَمِّكَ وَبَنَاتِ عَمَّاتِكَ وَبَنَاتِ خَالِكَ وَبَنَاتِ خَالاتِكَ اللَّاتِي هَاجَرْنَ مَعَكَ وَامْرَأَةً مُؤْمِنَةً إِنْ وَهَبَتْ نَفْسَهَا لِلنَّبِيِّ إِنْ أَرَادَ النَّبِيُّ أَنْ يَسْتَنْكِحَهَا[this is] only for you, excluding the [other] believers
خَالِصَةً لَكَ مِنْ دُونِ الْمُؤْمِنِينَBut it should be that we reduce the bridal gift as much as possible. But unfortunately, some guardians, may Allah guide them, have made their daughters commodities in bidding. When the suitor proposes, he says: "What do you have?" He says: "I have ten thousand." He says: "Oh, my dear, so-and-so gave me twenty thousand, and so-and-so proposed to the third one. The first one gave how much? The first one gave twenty, and the second one gave ten." The third one proposed and said: "I will give you thirty thousand." He says: "Add a little." He asked for an increase, as if it were what? As if it were a commodity in which people bid. And this, by Allah, is forbidden for them. Even the daughter says: "I want this man, even for the least amount," and the father says: "No."
And worse than that: some people condition for themselves something from the bridal gift. The father says: "I am marrying you, but I want a water tank for the sheep. Do you know what a water tank is? What is a water tank? A large barrel that is on the truck, filled with water. And he says: "I have sheep that need water, and the water is far away, so add a water tank to the bridal gift. And I also want a carrier for a large basin to transport the barley for the sheep." What is left? The mother also asks for something, she asks for something, and the brother, and so on. Until in some cases the bridal gift reaches more than two hundred thousand, we ask Allah for safety. Where does this young man get this amount? Or he borrows, and then when the debt comes due, it is turned against him a second time. This is a great evil.
And I say to those who condition for themselves: It is not permissible for you to take any of that. It is forbidden for you. So if the father becomes eloquent and says: "The Prophet (peace and blessings be upon him) said:
You and your wealth belong to your father
أنت ومالك لأبيكAnd give to the women
وَآتُوا النِّسَاءَtheir [bridal] gifts graciously. But if they give up willingly to you anything of it
صَدُقَاتِهِنَّ نِحْلَةً فَإِنْ طِبْنَ لَكُمْ عَنْ شَيْءٍ مِنْهُ نَفْساًthen take it in satisfaction and ease.
فَكُلُوهُ هَنِيئاً مَرِيئاًSo: The second topic of this meeting is the bridal gift, and that it should be lightened and made easy, because the most blessed marriage is the one with the least expense.