I ask for clarification on the concept of compatibility, as people’s understanding of a suitable match varies, to the point where a man may prevent another man from marrying his daughter because he is not from their town.
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The questioner : May Allah reward the honorableThe Shaykh : I ask for clarification on the concept of compatibility. People’s understanding of a suitable match varies, to the point where a man may prevent another man from marrying his daughter because he is not from their town, or because he does not have status, or because he has less wealth? We ask for clarification on this. May Allah guide you.
The Shaykh : The Prophet (peace and blessings be upon him) clarified the concept of compatibility with clear explanation, saying:Jami` at-Tirmidhi 1085Da'if (Darussalam). And the wife of Thabit ibn Qays ibn Shammās (may Allah be pleased with him) came to the Prophet (peace and blessings be upon him) and said, O Messenger of Allah: Bulugh al-Maram 8:114. This indicates that the only criteria that matter are character and religion.
As for what has become common among people now, such as not marrying anyone from outside their tribe, or not marrying anyone except their close brothers’ sons, or saying, “I am of my tribe and you are not, so I will not marry you,” or saying to someone of their tribe, “You are not of my tribe, so I will not marry you,” all of this is wrong and has no basis. Rather, a man of a tribe should marry a woman who is not of his tribe, and a man who is not of a tribe should marry a woman who is of a tribe. Who is the most noble of creation in the sight of Allah? The most noble of creation in the sight of Allah is the one who is most mindful of Him. All of this is among the remnants that a person should never consider. What is the criterion? Character and religion. Do you not know that many of the hadiths transmitted to us were transmitted by people who were not Arabs, and they preserved the Islamic religion through them? And how many scholars there are who are not Arabs! Therefore, I hope that people will pay attention to only two things. What are they? Character and religion. Yes.
The Shaykh : The Prophet (peace and blessings be upon him) clarified the concept of compatibility with clear explanation, saying:
When someone whose religion and character you are pleased with comes to you then marry (her to) him
إذا أتاكم من ترضون دينه وخلقه فأنكحوهI do not find fault with Thabit bin Qais (RA) in respect of character or religion
ثابت بن قيس لا أعيب عليه في خلق ولا دينAs for what has become common among people now, such as not marrying anyone from outside their tribe, or not marrying anyone except their close brothers’ sons, or saying, “I am of my tribe and you are not, so I will not marry you,” or saying to someone of their tribe, “You are not of my tribe, so I will not marry you,” all of this is wrong and has no basis. Rather, a man of a tribe should marry a woman who is not of his tribe, and a man who is not of a tribe should marry a woman who is of a tribe. Who is the most noble of creation in the sight of Allah? The most noble of creation in the sight of Allah is the one who is most mindful of Him. All of this is among the remnants that a person should never consider. What is the criterion? Character and religion. Do you not know that many of the hadiths transmitted to us were transmitted by people who were not Arabs, and they preserved the Islamic religion through them? And how many scholars there are who are not Arabs! Therefore, I hope that people will pay attention to only two things. What are they? Character and religion. Yes.