Continuation: I am a young man, and my father does not treat me equally with my brothers; he has made me an outcast among them without any mentionable reason
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The questioner : He says: O honorable Shaykh, I am a young man, and my father does not treat me equally with my brothers; he has made me an outcast among them without any mentionable reason. So what is your advice to me, O honorable Shaykh, knowing that I make du'a' for him every day?
The Shaykh : As for my advice to you, it is patience. Be patient, for the outcome is for the righteous. You must be patient and endure. However, there is no harm in hinting to one of your father’s friends in whom you trust to advise your father, or in bringing him a tape to listen to, or small messages to listen to, stating that it is obligatory for him to be just among his children. Bashir ibn Sa'd al-Ansari gave a gift to his son al-Nu'man ibn Bashir; he gave him a gift, and the Messenger of Allah (peace and blessings be upon him) disavowed him and said: Sahih Muslim 1623f This indicates that failing to be just among children is a form of injustice. The Salaf (may Allah have mercy on them) used to be just among their children in terms of affection; that is, if he kissed one, he would kiss the other, and if he smiled in the face of one, he would smile in the face of the other. Allah (Blessed and Exalted is He) loves those who are just, meaning those who are equitable. The Prophet (peace and blessings be upon him) said: On this occasion, I point out two important issues. The first issue is that a person may have older and younger children. The older ones may need a car for study or work or the like, because they cannot afford the price. So he buys them a car and does not give to the younger ones. This is not permissible, because this is injustice. If the father says, “My older son needs a car and cannot afford its price,” we say: Praise be to Allah, buy the car in your own name and register it in your own name, and give it to him as a loan. We do not say: do not help him. Help him, but the car is in your name and you give it to him as a loan. This meets his need without you being unjust to his brothers. Many people do not understand this matter; many people do not understand this matter, and you find them buying a car for this older one and not giving to the younger ones. The second issue is that some of the older children need to be married, so he marries them, while the others are younger and do not need to be married. Is it obligatory for him to give the younger ones what he gave these for the mahr of the marriage? No. It is not obligatory, and in fact, it is not permissible, because the younger ones do not need the mahr, meaning the sadaq. But is it obligatory for him to make a bequest for them and say, “When I die, give my son so-and-so, so-and-so, and so-and-so what I gave the son who got married”? I say: Is it obligatory to make such a bequest or not? It is not permissible, it is not obligatory, and it is not permissible, O Sa'id. It is not permissible to make a bequest for them. Why is it not permissible? Because marriage is like maintenance; each person is given what he needs. These are younger ones who died while they were young and had not reached the age of marriage, so it is not permissible to make a bequest for them. It is not obligatory and it is not permissible. Do you see now a person who has a daughter and a son? The daughter needs jewelry: she needs earrings, rings for her hands, a necklace for her neck, and gold on her head. The son needs a ghutrah and a taqiyah. What is the value of the ghutrah and the taqiyah? How much?
The student: ...
The Shaykh : No, one hundred and fifty is a lot, O Shaykh. The taqiyah is five riyals and the ghutrah is twenty riyals, and the total is twenty-five. And how much did he buy the gold for her? Perhaps five thousand or six thousand. This is not injustice, because he bought for the daughter what she needs and for the son what he needs. Maintenance is not determined by quantity but by need. Now, if one of them falls ill and he spends a lot on his treatment, does he give the other healthy ones the same amount? No, because this is a need. A student of knowledge needs books; I mean, one of the children is a student of knowledge and needs books, while the others do not need books. If he buys books for this one that he needs, is he required to give to the others? No. So justice is: to give every person what he needs. Yes.
The Shaykh : As for my advice to you, it is patience. Be patient, for the outcome is for the righteous. You must be patient and endure. However, there is no harm in hinting to one of your father’s friends in whom you trust to advise your father, or in bringing him a tape to listen to, or small messages to listen to, stating that it is obligatory for him to be just among his children. Bashir ibn Sa'd al-Ansari gave a gift to his son al-Nu'man ibn Bashir; he gave him a gift,
So he went to the mother of al-Nu'man ibn Bashir and informed her. She said to him: I bear witness to the Prophet (peace and blessings be upon him) regarding that. So he went to the Prophet (peace and blessings be upon him) and informed him. He said: Do you have sons? He said: Yes. He said: Did you give them what you gave al-Nu'man? He said: No. He said: I bear witness to this, for I do not bear witness to injustice.
فجاء إلى أم النعمان بن بشير وأخبرها، فقالت له : أشهد النبي صلى الله عليه وسلم على ذلك. فذهب إلى النبي صلى الله عليه وسلم وأخبره، قال : هل لك بنون ؟ قال : نعم. قال : أعطيتهم مثل ما أعطيت النعمان ؟ قال : لا. قال: أشهد على هذا غيري، فإني لا أشهد على جورI cannot be witness to an injustice
إني لا أشهد على جورThe just ones will be on minbars of light, on the right hand of the Most Merciful, and both His hands are right. They are those who are just in their families and in what they are entrusted with.
المقسطون على منابر من نور على يمين الرحمن وكلتا يديه يمين، وهم الذين يعدلون في أهليهم وما ولواThe student: ...
The Shaykh : No, one hundred and fifty is a lot, O Shaykh. The taqiyah is five riyals and the ghutrah is twenty riyals, and the total is twenty-five. And how much did he buy the gold for her? Perhaps five thousand or six thousand. This is not injustice, because he bought for the daughter what she needs and for the son what he needs. Maintenance is not determined by quantity but by need. Now, if one of them falls ill and he spends a lot on his treatment, does he give the other healthy ones the same amount? No, because this is a need. A student of knowledge needs books; I mean, one of the children is a student of knowledge and needs books, while the others do not need books. If he buys books for this one that he needs, is he required to give to the others? No. So justice is: to give every person what he needs. Yes.