A man says: There is a custom in our family, which is that when one of the young men wants to marry a relative, an agreement is reached between him and the father of the bride, or between him and the father of the bride and all those concerned, in secret, and even when the day of the wedding arrives, they inform the bride, and before that, she has no knowledge of it, and the woman's opinion is not taken in this matter.
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The questioner : We return to the message from the listener from Imam Muhammad ibn Saud University, the sender is the listener RMR from Riyadh. He says in his question, which we promised, if Allah wills, to answer, that there is a custom in our family, which is that when one of the young men wants to marry a relative, an agreement is reached between him and the father of the bride, or between him and the father of the bride and all those concerned, in secret, and even when the day of the wedding arrives, they inform the bride, and before that, she has no knowledge of it, and the woman's opinion is not taken in this matter. This is because this is a rule with us, which is that a girl's consultation is not taken in marriage. Is this practice correct according to the Shari'ah, knowing that this does not happen except between relatives with each other?
The Shaykh : Praise be to Allah, Lord of the worlds, and I send prayers and peace upon our Prophet Muhammad, and upon his family and all his Companions. Before answering this question, I would like to clarify that customs do not judge the Shari'ah, but the Shari'ah is the judge over customs. If a custom is contrary to the Shari'ah, then it is obligatory to abandon this custom and adhere to what the Shari'ah indicates. This custom that the questioner mentioned, where if a man wants to propose to a woman, he speaks with her guardians in secret, and she does not know about it until near the wedding, without her consent being taken, this custom is contrary to the Shari'ah.
Based on the principle we mentioned earlier, this custom is invalid and it is not permissible to continue with it. It is not permissible for a person to marry off his daughter or a woman over whom he has guardianship except with her consent, whether she is a virgin or a previously married woman, due to the saying of the Prophet (peace and blessings be upon him)Sahih al-Bukhari 6970 They said: O Messenger of Allah, and how is her consent? He said: And there is no difference in this between the father and others, even the father is not permitted to marry off his daughter, even if she is a virgin, except with her consent. And it is obligatory that when the suitor is presented to the woman being proposed to, his condition must be explained in a way that leads to knowledge, and the woman being proposed to should accept with insight. It is not sufficient to say that so-and-so has proposed to you and we want to marry you to him, until the condition of this man is explained to her, unless she delegates her guardian, and if he consults her, she says: You know best, if you see that he is good and a suitable match, then I agree. In this case, there is no need to explain the condition of this suitor to her. Yes.
The questioner : May Allah bless you.
The Shaykh : Praise be to Allah, Lord of the worlds, and I send prayers and peace upon our Prophet Muhammad, and upon his family and all his Companions. Before answering this question, I would like to clarify that customs do not judge the Shari'ah, but the Shari'ah is the judge over customs. If a custom is contrary to the Shari'ah, then it is obligatory to abandon this custom and adhere to what the Shari'ah indicates. This custom that the questioner mentioned, where if a man wants to propose to a woman, he speaks with her guardians in secret, and she does not know about it until near the wedding, without her consent being taken, this custom is contrary to the Shari'ah.
Based on the principle we mentioned earlier, this custom is invalid and it is not permissible to continue with it. It is not permissible for a person to marry off his daughter or a woman over whom he has guardianship except with her consent, whether she is a virgin or a previously married woman, due to the saying of the Prophet (peace and blessings be upon him)
A lady slave should not be given in marriage until she is consulted, and a virgin should not be given in marriage until her permission is granted.
لا تُنكح الأيّم حتى تُستأمر ولا تُنكح البكر حتى تستأذنThat she remains silent.
أن تسكتThe questioner : May Allah bless you.