Discussion with the Shaykh regarding the issue of looking at a woman during a marriage proposal?
Machine translationRead the Arabic original
The Shaykh : Now, a question has come to one of them and was attributed to me in writing, so we need to know this hadith.
He claimed that you said there is a hadith in which one of the Companions wanted to ask for a woman in marriage.
The questioner: Yes.
The Shaykh : So he came to spy on her through a hole in the door; is this your opinion...?
The questioner : ...you utter it.
The Shaykh : I mean, not through a hole in the door? That is one thing, and what is meant by uttering it?
The questioner: To know her condition, he was able to see...
The Shaykh: The word for spying; did you see this too?
The questioner: As you know... you have this...
The Shaykh: I said previously that I do not know; especially when it was narrated with the wording... do you see? I said: I do not know the origin of this hadith at all... the one who transmitted this to me... and if you die.
The questioner : ... .
The Shaykh: ...I have something in mind, because this... means the narrator of the hadith we mentioned earlier that the narrator of the hadith:, the one who narrated this hadith is the noble Companion... looking at a woman while she is...
Those present : ... [Everyone laughs!]
The Shaykh: ...spying...
The questioner: I heard him repeatedly say to me... by Allah the Great, what I remember completely.
The Shaykh : May Allah guide you...
... ... ...
The questioner: ...today the girls sometimes sit in... your relatives and non-relatives, frankly, is it permissible - I mean - is it permissible for me to look if I desire to propose to a girl and I intentionally look at her while I am sitting with her family and so on down to her knees, frankly... for this intention only, and if the proposal does not happen, I do not talk to people?
The Shaykh: ...may Allah preserve you.
The questioner : May Allah reward you with good.
The Shaykh: Now how is this?
The questioner: How is this?
The Shaykh: Be patient, be patient, learn patience, deliberation, and forbearance. How can it be suggested to you to propose to a woman who displays her adornment? How do you imagine this?
The questioner: I encourage the Muslim youth to propose, and I have been successful in marrying some young men to girls from the streets and those who display their adornment. Now they cover themselves even in their homes, earning reward,Sahih al-Bukhari 3701.
The Shaykh: Another issue, O Shaykh, this is another issue.
The questioner : Yes?
The Shaykh : This is another matter.
The questioner: ...I say what is in my heart and what... I mean, I want you to correct me if I am wrong in that.
The Shaykh: I correct you by saying that you should not look at these women at all, even for the sake of a proposal; because these women and the committed and religious girl, one does not hope to see good in her. This hijab you speak of regarding some of those who display their adornment is very rare, and a person does not rely on the rare thing. = -- And upon you be peace and the mercy of Allah and His blessings -- = The mistake of the Muslim youth today is that he sees a girl like the one you describe and he likes her appearance, so he wants to marry her. My brother, she does not pray and she does not fast!! I am raising her!! She is a lump... you shape her into Islamic customs and Islamic morals; this youth lives in fantasy, and therefore such a marriage is ruin. How many do you imagine if a hundred young men married a hundred girls of this type; what is the percentage of success in guiding these wives to Islam? What percentage do you imagine?
The questioner: If he is committed and strong in personality, meaning he guides her, and this has happened.
The Shaykh: Understand me, we have a hundred committed young men and a hundred uncommitted girls.
The questioner: Yes.
The Shaykh: A hundred against a hundred, each one took one, so we have a hundred young men or a hundred husbands married, and a hundred uncommitted girls married. Of these hundred committed ones, what do you think is the number of successful ones in guiding their wives to Islam and making them committed as they are committed?
The questioner: Before marriage, he conditions it upon her.
The Shaykh: May Allah guide you, may Allah guide you, say: Amen.
The questioner: Amen.
The Shaykh: I am asking you after they have married.
The questioner: Yes.
The Shaykh: We are not talking now about before marriage, after they have married, these hundred, each one took one, and they started guiding, teaching, and educating, and so on, for five years and ten years, and take whatever number of years you want, twenty years, how many of these young men are successful in guiding the women?
The questioner: It is possible that it is one hundred percent by the will of Allah - Mighty and Majestic - and it is possible that they are failures.
The Shaykh: You - may Allah guide you - do not answer me!!
The questioner: I am telling you: it is possible.
The Shaykh: You do not answer me.
The questioner: It is possible one hundred percent.
The Shaykh: You do not answer me.
The questioner : ... .
The Shaykh: May Allah forgive you, you do not answer me.
The questioner: Go ahead.
The Shaykh: I am asking you about the percentage, I am not asking you about the possibility; because when you tell me: it is possible that his success is one hundred percent, meaning the hundred women who were sinful became all righteous, you say this is possible, but if you speak of possibility without observation... I say and you will say with me: it is possible that not one succeeds; right or not? It is possible that not one succeeds, but that is not my question. My question is what percentage do you imagine of these that the majority... or the minority who...?
The questioner: Allah knows best, I do not know, by Allah.
The Shaykh: Then we return to yesterday's lesson,, and you explicitly state that you do not know. What is your duty now? To ask the one who knows. We tell you: the minority is the one who succeeds; because you do not imagine that the girl who lived in a pre-Islamic age of ignorance society; she needs many years for goodness, guidance, and righteousness to seep into her heart. Add to that that she needs a husband who is broad-minded, who has good character, who has wisdom and acumen, and a style... toward righteousness. What is the percentage of these people regarding these qualities?
The questioner: Okay; if she loves him? By Allah - O Professor - if she loves him intensely and he loves her, then for the sake of this love she starts with him at the beginning of the path by obeying him.
Another questioner: Excuse me; some of the brothers deviated and became with their wives.
The Shaykh: Okay; in any case, I ask Allah for you that you do not live except in reality and not in fantasy.
The questioner: O Shaykh, this speech is general.
The Shaykh: I, the weak servant, tell you something, something scientific only... you can comprehend it. It is not enough that you are the planter... the expert scholar for the land to bear fruit; the land must also be prepared for acceptance. Okay; I ask you now regarding the lands: does every land suit agriculture?
The questioner : Not at all.
The Shaykh: Does every girl suit upbringing? May Allah forgive you!
Please proceed.
He claimed that you said there is a hadith in which one of the Companions wanted to ask for a woman in marriage.
The questioner: Yes.
The Shaykh : So he came to spy on her through a hole in the door; is this your opinion...?
The questioner : ...you utter it.
The Shaykh : I mean, not through a hole in the door? That is one thing, and what is meant by uttering it?
The questioner: To know her condition, he was able to see...
The Shaykh: The word for spying; did you see this too?
The questioner: As you know... you have this...
The Shaykh: I said previously that I do not know; especially when it was narrated with the wording... do you see? I said: I do not know the origin of this hadith at all... the one who transmitted this to me... and if you die.
The questioner : ... .
The Shaykh: ...I have something in mind, because this... means the narrator of the hadith we mentioned earlier that the narrator of the hadith:
If Allah puts the proposal of a woman in the heart of any of you, let him look at what calls him to marry her
إذا ألقى الله خطبة امرأة في قلب أحدكم فلينظر إلى ما يدعوه إلى نكاحهاThose present : ... [Everyone laughs!]
The Shaykh: ...spying...
The questioner: I heard him repeatedly say to me... by Allah the Great, what I remember completely.
The Shaykh : May Allah guide you...
... ... ...
The questioner: ...today the girls sometimes sit in... your relatives and non-relatives, frankly, is it permissible - I mean - is it permissible for me to look if I desire to propose to a girl and I intentionally look at her while I am sitting with her family and so on down to her knees, frankly... for this intention only, and if the proposal does not happen, I do not talk to people?
The Shaykh: ...may Allah preserve you.
The questioner : May Allah reward you with good.
The Shaykh: Now how is this?
The questioner: How is this?
The Shaykh: Be patient, be patient, learn patience, deliberation, and forbearance. How can it be suggested to you to propose to a woman who displays her adornment? How do you imagine this?
The questioner: I encourage the Muslim youth to propose, and I have been successful in marrying some young men to girls from the streets and those who display their adornment. Now they cover themselves even in their homes, earning reward,
if one man is guided on the right path (i.e. converted to Islam) through you
لَأَن يهدِيَ الله بك رجلًاThe Shaykh: Another issue, O Shaykh, this is another issue.
The questioner : Yes?
The Shaykh : This is another matter.
The questioner: ...I say what is in my heart and what... I mean, I want you to correct me if I am wrong in that.
The Shaykh: I correct you by saying that you should not look at these women at all, even for the sake of a proposal; because these women and the committed and religious girl, one does not hope to see good in her. This hijab you speak of regarding some of those who display their adornment is very rare, and a person does not rely on the rare thing. = -- And upon you be peace and the mercy of Allah and His blessings -- = The mistake of the Muslim youth today is that he sees a girl like the one you describe and he likes her appearance, so he wants to marry her. My brother, she does not pray and she does not fast!! I am raising her!! She is a lump... you shape her into Islamic customs and Islamic morals; this youth lives in fantasy, and therefore such a marriage is ruin. How many do you imagine if a hundred young men married a hundred girls of this type; what is the percentage of success in guiding these wives to Islam? What percentage do you imagine?
The questioner: If he is committed and strong in personality, meaning he guides her, and this has happened.
The Shaykh: Understand me, we have a hundred committed young men and a hundred uncommitted girls.
The questioner: Yes.
The Shaykh: A hundred against a hundred, each one took one, so we have a hundred young men or a hundred husbands married, and a hundred uncommitted girls married. Of these hundred committed ones, what do you think is the number of successful ones in guiding their wives to Islam and making them committed as they are committed?
The questioner: Before marriage, he conditions it upon her.
The Shaykh: May Allah guide you, may Allah guide you, say: Amen.
The questioner: Amen.
The Shaykh: I am asking you after they have married.
The questioner: Yes.
The Shaykh: We are not talking now about before marriage, after they have married, these hundred, each one took one, and they started guiding, teaching, and educating, and so on, for five years and ten years, and take whatever number of years you want, twenty years, how many of these young men are successful in guiding the women?
The questioner: It is possible that it is one hundred percent by the will of Allah - Mighty and Majestic - and it is possible that they are failures.
The Shaykh: You - may Allah guide you - do not answer me!!
The questioner: I am telling you: it is possible.
The Shaykh: You do not answer me.
The questioner: It is possible one hundred percent.
The Shaykh: You do not answer me.
The questioner : ... .
The Shaykh: May Allah forgive you, you do not answer me.
The questioner: Go ahead.
The Shaykh: I am asking you about the percentage, I am not asking you about the possibility; because when you tell me: it is possible that his success is one hundred percent, meaning the hundred women who were sinful became all righteous, you say this is possible, but if you speak of possibility without observation... I say and you will say with me: it is possible that not one succeeds; right or not? It is possible that not one succeeds, but that is not my question. My question is what percentage do you imagine of these that the majority... or the minority who...?
The questioner: Allah knows best, I do not know, by Allah.
The Shaykh: Then we return to yesterday's lesson,
So ask those who have knowledge
فَاسْأَلُوا أَهْلَ الذِّكْرِThe questioner: Okay; if she loves him? By Allah - O Professor - if she loves him intensely and he loves her, then for the sake of this love she starts with him at the beginning of the path by obeying him.
Another questioner: Excuse me; some of the brothers deviated and became with their wives.
The Shaykh: Okay; in any case, I ask Allah for you that you do not live except in reality and not in fantasy.
The questioner: O Shaykh, this speech is general.
The Shaykh: I, the weak servant, tell you something, something scientific only... you can comprehend it. It is not enough that you are the planter... the expert scholar for the land to bear fruit; the land must also be prepared for acceptance. Okay; I ask you now regarding the lands: does every land suit agriculture?
The questioner : Not at all.
The Shaykh: Does every girl suit upbringing? May Allah forgive you!
Please proceed.
Source
www.al-albany.com
The Arabic text is copied verbatim from the original source, without any edits.