What are the rights that belong to the household and are incumbent upon them?
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The questioner : O esteemedThe Shaykh : What are the rights that belong to the household and are incumbent upon them? May Allah reward you with good.
The Shaykh : The obligatory rights belonging to the household and incumbent upon them are not specified in the Shari'ah; rather, they refer to custom, based on the saying of Allah the Exalted:. And His saying: [Al-Baqarah 2:228].
So whatever rights are established by custom are obligatory, and whatever is not established by custom is not obligatory, unless the custom contradicts the Shari'ah.
If it contradicts the Shari'ah, then the criterion is what the Shari'ah has brought. If people’s custom is that the head of the household does not order his family to pray or does not order them to have noble morals, we say: this is a defective and invalid custom, because it contradicts the Shari'ah.
As for when the custom does not contradict the Shari'ah, Allah the Exalted has referred people to it in His saying:[Al-Baqarah 2:228], and in His saying: .
It is obligatory for those in authority in the households to fear Allah regarding the women or men over whom Allah has placed them in authority, and not to neglect them. Many people—may Allah guide us and them—neglect their sons or daughters, and you find that they do not care whether they are present or absent, and do not sit with them. In fact, a month or two may pass without the father gathering with his children, or the mother with her children, except rarely. This is an error.
What I advise my brothers, whom Allah the Exalted has made responsible for women, is to strive to gather the scattered and unite the family. The lunch should be for everyone, with people gathering for it, and likewise the dinner, except that women do not gather for lunch and dinner with men who are not their mahram (relatives one may not marry).
What is common among some people is that women gather with men, and a woman sits for dinner or lunch with her husband’s brother, his uncle, or the like. This is reprehensible and cannot be approved; it is among the customs that contradict the Shari'ah. Even though it exists among many people now in some regions, where the household gathers, women and men, at the table, and the woman may be uncovering her face, and naturally she will be uncovering her hands, this is a reprehensible matter that is not permissible. It is obligatory that women have a separate table and men have a separate table, so that what is forbidden does not occur between these and those.
The Shaykh : The obligatory rights belonging to the household and incumbent upon them are not specified in the Shari'ah; rather, they refer to custom, based on the saying of Allah the Exalted:
and live with them in kindness
وعاشروهن بالمعروفAnd due to the wives is similar to what is expected of them, according to what is reasonable
ولهن مثل الذي عليهن بالمعروفSo whatever rights are established by custom are obligatory, and whatever is not established by custom is not obligatory, unless the custom contradicts the Shari'ah.
If it contradicts the Shari'ah, then the criterion is what the Shari'ah has brought. If people’s custom is that the head of the household does not order his family to pray or does not order them to have noble morals, we say: this is a defective and invalid custom, because it contradicts the Shari'ah.
As for when the custom does not contradict the Shari'ah, Allah the Exalted has referred people to it in His saying:
And due to the wives is similar to what is expected of them, according to what is reasonable
ولهن مثل الذي عليهن بالمعروفand live with them in kindness
وعاشروهن بالمعروفIt is obligatory for those in authority in the households to fear Allah regarding the women or men over whom Allah has placed them in authority, and not to neglect them. Many people—may Allah guide us and them—neglect their sons or daughters, and you find that they do not care whether they are present or absent, and do not sit with them. In fact, a month or two may pass without the father gathering with his children, or the mother with her children, except rarely. This is an error.
What I advise my brothers, whom Allah the Exalted has made responsible for women, is to strive to gather the scattered and unite the family. The lunch should be for everyone, with people gathering for it, and likewise the dinner, except that women do not gather for lunch and dinner with men who are not their mahram (relatives one may not marry).
What is common among some people is that women gather with men, and a woman sits for dinner or lunch with her husband’s brother, his uncle, or the like. This is reprehensible and cannot be approved; it is among the customs that contradict the Shari'ah. Even though it exists among many people now in some regions, where the household gathers, women and men, at the table, and the woman may be uncovering her face, and naturally she will be uncovering her hands, this is a reprehensible matter that is not permissible. It is obligatory that women have a separate table and men have a separate table, so that what is forbidden does not occur between these and those.