What do you say about what some husbands say when they marry a second wife, telling their first wife: "You have the choice; do you want a divorce or to stay with your children?"
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The questioner : What do you say, may Allah guide you, about what some husbands say when they marry another wife, telling their first wife: "You have the choice; do you want a divorce or to stay with your children"? If she does not respond to him, is there any blame on him for that? And what is her status while she has not yet answered him?
The Shaykh : First, it is very regrettable that some women, when their husbands marry another wife, do things that are not befitting them, such as screaming, cutting off communication, harboring hatred, demanding that the husband divorce her or divorce the new wife, or similar actions. What the woman should do is make this matter easy for herself, because this matter occurred with the Prophet (peace and blessings be upon him) and with the leaders of the believers from the Companions and the Successors, and after them until this day. And if Allah the Exalted has permitted a man to marry up to four wives, He is the most knowledgeable, the most merciful, and the most wise. Therefore, what the woman should do is make this matter easy for herself, be patient with the hardship that has befallen her, and not demand anything from the husband. In my opinion, if the husband finds a soft ground with his first wife, he will be lenient. But some wives, when their husbands marry over them, force him to do what he dislikes and demand what he dislikes. At that point, he says to her: "You have the choice; if you wish to stay with your children despite what happens from me, you are the mistress of the house; otherwise, if you wish for a divorce, you are divorced." If he says this, there is nothing wrong with it, because this is the reality. When Zaynab bint al-Zumay'a, one of the Mothers of the Believers, grew old and saw the desire of the Prophet (peace and blessings be upon him) to be rid of her, she became wise and gave her day to 'A'ishah, the Mother of the Believers, because she knew that the Prophet (peace and blessings be upon him) loved 'A'ishah. So she gave her day to 'A'ishah and remained without a turn, because she waived her right to a turn, but she remained among the believers. May Allah be pleased with her. Yes.
The Shaykh : First, it is very regrettable that some women, when their husbands marry another wife, do things that are not befitting them, such as screaming, cutting off communication, harboring hatred, demanding that the husband divorce her or divorce the new wife, or similar actions. What the woman should do is make this matter easy for herself, because this matter occurred with the Prophet (peace and blessings be upon him) and with the leaders of the believers from the Companions and the Successors, and after them until this day. And if Allah the Exalted has permitted a man to marry up to four wives, He is the most knowledgeable, the most merciful, and the most wise. Therefore, what the woman should do is make this matter easy for herself, be patient with the hardship that has befallen her, and not demand anything from the husband. In my opinion, if the husband finds a soft ground with his first wife, he will be lenient. But some wives, when their husbands marry over them, force him to do what he dislikes and demand what he dislikes. At that point, he says to her: "You have the choice; if you wish to stay with your children despite what happens from me, you are the mistress of the house; otherwise, if you wish for a divorce, you are divorced." If he says this, there is nothing wrong with it, because this is the reality. When Zaynab bint al-Zumay'a, one of the Mothers of the Believers, grew old and saw the desire of the Prophet (peace and blessings be upon him) to be rid of her, she became wise and gave her day to 'A'ishah, the Mother of the Believers, because she knew that the Prophet (peace and blessings be upon him) loved 'A'ishah. So she gave her day to 'A'ishah and remained without a turn, because she waived her right to a turn, but she remained among the believers. May Allah be pleased with her. Yes.