How do we distinguish between the deceased's dinner and charity, as many people hold this dinner on the first, second, or third day after the deceased's passing, and

The questioner : This questioner says, "O honorable Shaykh, may Allah preserve you, how do we distinguish between the deceased's dinner and charity? Many people hold this dinner on the first, second, or third day after the deceased's passing, and some hold this feast as a dinner for the deceased. Is this established in the religion?"

The Shaykh : Giving charity on behalf of the deceased is permissible, for the Prophet (peace and blessings be upon him) approved it. A man consulted him and said, "O Messenger of Allah, my mother died suddenly, and I think that if she had been able to speak, she would have given charity. May I give charity on her behalf?" He said: Sa'd ibn 'Ubadah (may Allah be pleased with him) also consulted him regarding his orchard, meaning a garden that yields fruit, about giving its produce as charity on behalf of his mother. The Prophet (peace and blessings be upon him) ruled it permissible. However, we do not say that this is recommended. We do not tell people, "Give charity on behalf of your deceased." Rather, we say, "If you give charity, you will receive the reward of doing good and the reward of charity for the deceased. If you do not give charity, we do not demand it of you, and we do not say it is a recommended practice for the deceased, for the Prophet (peace and blessings be upon him) did not establish it as a recommended practice for his Ummah. It is a specific case in which he was consulted and he ruled it permissible. There is a difference between permissibility, for which one is not blamed, and what is prescribed, which is required of the servant."
I say to my brothers who hear these words of mine: I tell you that you undoubtedly want good for the deceased, but why do we not follow the guidance of the Prophet (peace and blessings be upon him)? He (peace and blessings be upon him) said: He made the ongoing work for the deceased the supplication of a righteous son for him, and he did not say, "Or a righteous son who gives charity for him," even though the context of the hadith is about deeds. Yet he (peace and blessings be upon him) turned away from that to supplication.
It is well known that the Prophet (peace and blessings be upon him) would not turn away from one thing to another unless the good was in the other. He (peace and blessings be upon him) is the most sincere of creation to creation, the most knowledgeable of creation regarding the Shari'ah of Allah, the most eloquent of creation in expression, and the most knowledgeable of them regarding his intent. How can we turn away from something the Prophet (peace and blessings be upon him) guided us to, toward something we find only in our own hearts? If a man consulted me and said, "Which is better: that I give a thousand as charity on behalf of my father, or that I supplicate for his forgiveness and mercy?" I would say, "Supplicating for his forgiveness and mercy is better than giving a thousand... as charity. If you want to give charity, make the charity for yourself, for a day will come to you, or days, when you will wish that you had a charity of a dirham in your good deeds. This is what I wish to advise our brothers."
As for arranging the dinner for the deceased on the first day, second day, or third day of his death, or over the course of a week, or over the course of a year, or the like, all of this is a religious innovation. Arranging righteous deeds in a specific manner, in time or place, without religious evidence makes this worship an innovation. The Prophet (peace and blessings be upon him) said: Therefore, the worship must conform to the Shari'ah in the following matters: the cause, the type, the amount, the description, the time, and the place. If the worship, or if the deed, does not conform to the Shari'ah in these six matters, it is an innovation and does not benefit its doer. Where is the evidence for these people that it is recommended to give charity on behalf of the deceased in the first three days of his death, or over the course of a week, or over the course of a year, or the like? However, if one gives charity on his behalf with food at any time, there is nothing wrong with it, for charity with food is like charity with dirhams. It may be more beneficial than charity with dirhams, and charity with dirhams may be more beneficial depending on the circumstances and the time. Yes.