I have a committed female friend, but she is strict in choosing a husband; she wants a husband who has religion and good character, and five men have proposed to her, and she has rejected them all.
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The questioner : I have a committed female friend, and I consider her to be so, and I do not testify to anyone's faith except for Allah. However, she is strict in choosing a husband; she wants a husband who has religion and good character. Five men have proposed to her, and she has rejected them all, even though they maintain their prayers. But she says: "I tried marriage with another man who had religion, but I did not continue living with him, or this relationship did not last with him for more than a few months. So I do not want to fall into the same mistake again. I will not marry except a committed man, or I will not marry at all." Is there a sin on her for doing this?
The Shaykh : There is no sin on her as long as she is choosing the one who is better, whose companionship is more lasting, and whose method is more upright. And regarding what you mentioned about her having married a man who had religion, but the companionship between them did not last, I say: Hearts are in the hand of Allah (Mighty and Majestic). How many people have loved a person and then hated him, or hated a person and then loved him. Therefore, it is said: "Love your beloved gently, for perhaps he will be your enemy one day. And hate your enemy gently, for perhaps he will be your beloved one day."
Yes, there are some people, may Allah grant us safety, who tyrannize over women. Even if they have religion, they enslave the woman to an extreme degree and burden her with what ... obligates her, claiming that he is her husband, and the husband is the master, and she is his wife, and the woman is a captive. But this is wrong. For Allah (Blessed and Exalted is He) says in His Book: And He says: [Al-Baqarah 2:228] So some people do not settle for one degree over the woman, but they take all the degrees and do not give the woman her share. Just as some women overstep against the husband and do not give him his right. And if they give him his right, they give it to him while being reluctant, or complaining, or heavy-hearted. It is obligatory for both spouses to fulfill what Allah has commanded them regarding treating each other with kindness. And when the two spouses fear their Lord in this, then the companionship will remain and last.
In conclusion: There is no blame on this woman who refrained from marriage if she is waiting for the one to whom her heart inclines. Yes.
The questioner : May Allah reward you with good. This questioner says, O honorable Shaykh.
The Shaykh : There is no sin on her as long as she is choosing the one who is better, whose companionship is more lasting, and whose method is more upright. And regarding what you mentioned about her having married a man who had religion, but the companionship between them did not last, I say: Hearts are in the hand of Allah (Mighty and Majestic). How many people have loved a person and then hated him, or hated a person and then loved him. Therefore, it is said: "Love your beloved gently, for perhaps he will be your enemy one day. And hate your enemy gently, for perhaps he will be your beloved one day."
Yes, there are some people, may Allah grant us safety, who tyrannize over women. Even if they have religion, they enslave the woman to an extreme degree and burden her with what ... obligates her, claiming that he is her husband, and the husband is the master, and she is his wife, and the woman is a captive. But this is wrong. For Allah (Blessed and Exalted is He) says in His Book:
And live with them in kindness
وَعَاشِرُوهُنَّ بِالْمَعْرُوفِAnd due to the wives is similar to what is expected of them, according to what is reasonable. But the men have a degree over them [in responsibility and authority]. And Allah is Exalted in Might and Wise.
وَلَهُنَّ مِثْلُ الَّذِي عَلَيْهِنَّ بِالْمَعْرُوفِ وَلِلرِّجَالِ عَلَيْهِنَّ دَرَجَةٌ وَاللَّهُ عَزِيزٌ حَكِيمٌIn conclusion: There is no blame on this woman who refrained from marriage if she is waiting for the one to whom her heart inclines. Yes.
The questioner : May Allah reward you with good. This questioner says, O honorable Shaykh.