A woman says: I am a girl of twenty-two years old and I have not married because I want a righteous man who will preserve my religion for me and help me in obedience
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The questioner : This questioner recalls that she is a girl of twenty-two years old and has not married. She says: Because I want a righteous man who will preserve my religion for me and help me in obedience to Allah (Mighty and Majestic), but my father forced me to agree to a man who prays, yet I am not satisfied with him and I am not at ease to this day, knowing that he has not contracted marriage with me. I am in severe distress and my situation is difficult. I have rejected this man because he has some sins, and I fear for myself that I will be an aid to him in that. I am with my family, holding fast to my religion like one holding a burning coal, because my family, may Allah guide them, openly commit some sins. I tried to convince them, but to no avail. I had hope that I would marry a righteous man who would help me in good and in the matters of my religion, and would relieve my distress after Allah (Mighty and Majestic), but I have lost hope. My father is hasty and does not discuss things with a broad chest. I said to him, "Marry one of your sisters," and he said, "The talk of people; do not marry the younger before the elder." And Allah is the One to be sought for help. Although I have prayed the prayer of seeking guidance (istikharah) several times, my situation has not changed. I ask for advice and guidance in what is good and beneficial, because I am convinced by the words and opinion of the honorable Shaykh Saleh ibn Uthaymeen, who is a good educator, guide, and counselor. May Allah prolong his life, and I ask the Generous Master to grant him Paradise and the Muslims, and may Allah reward you with good.
The questioner : I thank the questioner for this supplication and for her good opinion of me, and I hope to Allah (Blessed and Exalted is He) that I may be worthy of the good opinion my brothers have of me.
Then, I congratulate her on seeking a righteous man who will help her in her religion and preserve her honor. I say: Rejoice in good, for Allah (Glorified and Exalted is He) will never disappoint the one who asks Him and hopes in Him. So she should persist in supplication to Allah (Mighty and Majestic), and He loves those who persist in supplication. She should persist with her Lord (Blessed and Exalted is He) to grant her, soon and not delayed, a righteous husband of good character and religion, and let her wait for relief from Allah (Mighty and Majestic).
As for forcing her father to marry her to this suitor, she has the right to refuse, because the matter is hers, and the one who will suffer from the husband is she, not her father. If a woman is forced to marry a person, the marriage contract is invalid, whether the one who forced her is her father or someone else, based on the saying of the Prophet (peace and blessings be upon him):Jami` at-Tirmidhi 1107Sahih (Darussalam) And he (peace and blessings be upon him) said: He specified the virgin and the father. Then how can we tell a person to force his daughter to marry someone she does not approve of, when he does not have the right to force her to sell an egg from her wealth? This is not possible; the Shari'ah, praise be to Allah, has not brought this.
And although some scholars hold that the father can force her, that is a weak opinion. Since this woman has performed istikharah twice and her heart has not opened up to this suitor, let her reject him. If she rejects him, it is not permissible for her father to ever marry her off. If he marries her off while she is forced, he has empowered a man over her who is not her husband, because the Prophet (peace and blessings be upon him) forbade marrying off a virgin until her permission is sought, and he said:Sahih Muslim 1718b meaning rejected. So how much more so if there is the prohibition of the Messenger of Allah (peace and blessings be upon him) upon it.
So let a man who marries off one of his daughters with coercion fear Allah, and let him know that he has empowered over her one who is not her husband according to the Shari'ah. The Book of Allah (Mighty and Majestic) and the Sunnah of His Messenger have clarified this. This Prophet (peace and blessings be upon him) declares the prohibition of marrying off a virgin until her permission is sought, and he specifies the virgin and the father. Who is the legislator after him? And it is known that obedience to the Messenger of Allah (peace and blessings be upon him) is obedience to Allah, and disobedience to the Messenger (peace and blessings be upon him) is disobedience to Allah. So let these fathers fear Allah.
Then, among the trials—and it is a trial—is that some people do not consider the interest of the daughter or sister or the one over whom they have guardianship, but only consider their personal interest or an outdated tribalism. Like the one who says to his daughter: "By Allah, you will not rejoice in a husband except from your cousin, for example." Glory be to Allah! Is the daughter or sister or the one over whom they have guardianship a piece of their wealth that they sell to whoever they wish? So let them fear Allah, and let them know that those who were forced into marriage without their permission will be the opponents of those who married them off on the Day of Resurrection.
The questioner : I thank the questioner for this supplication and for her good opinion of me, and I hope to Allah (Blessed and Exalted is He) that I may be worthy of the good opinion my brothers have of me.
Then, I congratulate her on seeking a righteous man who will help her in her religion and preserve her honor. I say: Rejoice in good, for Allah (Glorified and Exalted is He) will never disappoint the one who asks Him and hopes in Him. So she should persist in supplication to Allah (Mighty and Majestic), and He loves those who persist in supplication. She should persist with her Lord (Blessed and Exalted is He) to grant her, soon and not delayed, a righteous husband of good character and religion, and let her wait for relief from Allah (Mighty and Majestic).
As for forcing her father to marry her to this suitor, she has the right to refuse, because the matter is hers, and the one who will suffer from the husband is she, not her father. If a woman is forced to marry a person, the marriage contract is invalid, whether the one who forced her is her father or someone else, based on the saying of the Prophet (peace and blessings be upon him):
a virgin should not be given in marriage until her permission is sought
لا تنكح البكر حتى تستأذنThe virgin's father seeks her permission, or he said, seeks her opinion
البكر يستأذنها أبوها أو قال يستأمرها أبوهاAnd although some scholars hold that the father can force her, that is a weak opinion. Since this woman has performed istikharah twice and her heart has not opened up to this suitor, let her reject him. If she rejects him, it is not permissible for her father to ever marry her off. If he marries her off while she is forced, he has empowered a man over her who is not her husband, because the Prophet (peace and blessings be upon him) forbade marrying off a virgin until her permission is sought, and he said:
He who did any act for which there is no sanction from our behalf, that is to be rejected.
من عمل عملاً ليس عليه أمرنا فهو ردSo let a man who marries off one of his daughters with coercion fear Allah, and let him know that he has empowered over her one who is not her husband according to the Shari'ah. The Book of Allah (Mighty and Majestic) and the Sunnah of His Messenger have clarified this. This Prophet (peace and blessings be upon him) declares the prohibition of marrying off a virgin until her permission is sought, and he specifies the virgin and the father. Who is the legislator after him? And it is known that obedience to the Messenger of Allah (peace and blessings be upon him) is obedience to Allah, and disobedience to the Messenger (peace and blessings be upon him) is disobedience to Allah. So let these fathers fear Allah.
Then, among the trials—and it is a trial—is that some people do not consider the interest of the daughter or sister or the one over whom they have guardianship, but only consider their personal interest or an outdated tribalism. Like the one who says to his daughter: "By Allah, you will not rejoice in a husband except from your cousin, for example." Glory be to Allah! Is the daughter or sister or the one over whom they have guardianship a piece of their wealth that they sell to whoever they wish? So let them fear Allah, and let them know that those who were forced into marriage without their permission will be the opponents of those who married them off on the Day of Resurrection.