A girl I had not seen until after the marriage contract was written, and my desire for her was great because of what I perceived from her family (her parents) regarding their adherence to the teachings
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The questioner : A girl I had not seen until after the marriage contract was written, and my desire for her was great because of what I perceived from her family regarding their adherence to the teachings of our pure religion and their strict observance of the Shari'ah in word and deed. After a full year from the writing of the marriage contract, I consummated the marriage with her in the lawful manner. A problem has confronted our marital life from the very first moment, which is that I have doubted her because I did not see what indicates that she is a virgin or something of that sort. So I said to myself, perhaps that is something natural. I then noticed many things that made me reconsider my position regarding these matters, which he mentions in the same question. First, after she was wearing the hijab and the Islamic dress, she began to go out uncovered after the marriage. When I brought this up to her parents, their position changed and they said she is free.
Second, Ramadan came and I saw that she was getting up for the pre-dawn meal, and during the day I repeatedly found her inside the house eating, drinking, and smoking.
The Shaykh : I seek refuge in Allah.
The questioner : And when I asked her about that, she would say, "I am sick," but that was not true.
Third, during the days of the engagement, I noticed that her parents ordered all members of the family to pray, including her. And when we got married, I would get up to pray while she was sitting. And when I ordered her to pray, she would say, "You are praying for yourself, so what do you care about others?"
Fourth, I noticed that she was inclined to increase her conversation with men in public life, and sometimes she would feign laughing with them in front of me. And when I tried to correct what she was doing, she would not obey me. I remember that one of the times she insulted me. I endured all of this for a period of fifty days. After that, I presented all of the above to her guardian, her father, hoping that he would help me fix the situation. But he missed the mark, as he was unable to respond and referred the matter to his wife, my wife's mother, who turned all the talk around on the basis that her daughter is chaste and that I am a liar, even though she, the mother, and the father were watching these actions in front of them until the end. But in the end, he says he went to the court or something of that sort, but I wanted to know what you say about that?
The Shaykh : Praise be to Allah, Lord of the worlds, and may peace and blessings be upon our Prophet Muhammad, and upon his family and all his Companions. And after that, I advise this brother, the questioner, and those similar to him; I advise them not to throw such delicate matters into the hearing of the general public, such as directing them to the program "Light on the Path" or something similar. Rather, they should look for a scholar they trust in their country or outside their country, then go to him in private and consult him about the matter. He will advise him with what he sees as most beneficial and what he sees as best.
But we have a general guidance that does not relate to this specific question.
The questioner : Yes.
The Shaykh : It is that there is a lot of questioning about a man who enters with his wife for the first time and does not see in her what he sees in virgins sometimes. And regarding this question, we say in the answer to it that this should not be a cause for doubt about the woman and the chastity of the woman. First, because this act, which I mean intercourse, may be done with gentleness and ease, so what is seen in a virgin woman may not be seen. And second, the loss of a woman's virginity does not mean that she was corrupt, as the loss of her virginity may be for a reason other than intercourse... her falling or jumping or something similar. And it is not my intention to open a door for girls to engage in misconduct, but I want to remove a doubt that arises for a husband in such a situation. Many people have been informed of what is authentic in the hadith of the Messenger of Allah (peace and blessings be upon him) "That a man came to him and said: O Messenger of Allah! My wife gave birth to a black boy" hinting at his wife because he and his wife are not black. So the Prophet (peace and blessings be upon him) said:Sahih al-Bukhari 1452 He said: Yes. He said: He said: Red. He said: Sunan Ibn Majah 2002Sahih (Darussalam) He said: Yes. So the Prophet (peace and blessings be upon him) asked him what was the matter with this white camel? And where did it come from? So the man said: Perhaps a vein caused it. So he said: Sunan an-Nasa'i 3480Sahih (Darussalam) So this indicates that doubts should not hover around a person regarding his wife unless he sees strong, clear indications. Then it has another ruling.
The questioner : Yes.
The Shaykh : The second issue: If a man tries to correct his wife, especially regarding prayer, and is unable to, and he takes various paths and is unable to, then Allah has made for him an exit and a way out through divorce. And if he divorces for this purpose, then Allah the Exalted will replace her with something better for him, because whoever leaves something for the sake of Allah, Allah will replace it with something better for him.
As for the one who abandons prayer and he is unable to establish it and establish this prayer, then it is obligatory for him to separate from her, because by that she becomes a disbeliever, and it is not permissible for a believer to remain with a disbeliever in marriage.
The questioner : The correspondent from the central region, when he explained to us his topic and you also spoke about these good introductions, if Allah wills, he has branches on his question or on his introduction.
her parents
والديهاSecond, Ramadan came and I saw that she was getting up for the pre-dawn meal, and during the day I repeatedly found her inside the house eating, drinking, and smoking.
The Shaykh : I seek refuge in Allah.
The questioner : And when I asked her about that, she would say, "I am sick," but that was not true.
Third, during the days of the engagement, I noticed that her parents ordered all members of the family to pray, including her. And when we got married, I would get up to pray while she was sitting. And when I ordered her to pray, she would say, "You are praying for yourself, so what do you care about others?"
Fourth, I noticed that she was inclined to increase her conversation with men in public life, and sometimes she would feign laughing with them in front of me. And when I tried to correct what she was doing, she would not obey me. I remember that one of the times she insulted me. I endured all of this for a period of fifty days. After that, I presented all of the above to her guardian, her father, hoping that he would help me fix the situation. But he missed the mark, as he was unable to respond and referred the matter to his wife, my wife's mother, who turned all the talk around on the basis that her daughter is chaste and that I am a liar, even though she, the mother, and the father were watching these actions in front of them until the end. But in the end, he says he went to the court or something of that sort, but I wanted to know what you say about that?
The Shaykh : Praise be to Allah, Lord of the worlds, and may peace and blessings be upon our Prophet Muhammad, and upon his family and all his Companions. And after that, I advise this brother, the questioner, and those similar to him; I advise them not to throw such delicate matters into the hearing of the general public, such as directing them to the program "Light on the Path" or something similar. Rather, they should look for a scholar they trust in their country or outside their country, then go to him in private and consult him about the matter. He will advise him with what he sees as most beneficial and what he sees as best.
But we have a general guidance that does not relate to this specific question.
The questioner : Yes.
The Shaykh : It is that there is a lot of questioning about a man who enters with his wife for the first time and does not see in her what he sees in virgins sometimes. And regarding this question, we say in the answer to it that this should not be a cause for doubt about the woman and the chastity of the woman. First, because this act, which I mean intercourse, may be done with gentleness and ease, so what is seen in a virgin woman may not be seen. And second, the loss of a woman's virginity does not mean that she was corrupt, as the loss of her virginity may be for a reason other than intercourse... her falling or jumping or something similar. And it is not my intention to open a door for girls to engage in misconduct, but I want to remove a doubt that arises for a husband in such a situation. Many people have been informed of what is authentic in the hadith of the Messenger of Allah (peace and blessings be upon him) "That a man came to him and said: O Messenger of Allah! My wife gave birth to a black boy" hinting at his wife because he and his wife are not black. So the Prophet (peace and blessings be upon him) said:
Have you got camels?
هل لك من إبل؟What are their colors?
فما ألوانها؟Are there any grey ones among them?
هل فيها من أورق؟Perhaps this is also hereditary
غلامك هذا لعله نزعه عرقThe questioner : Yes.
The Shaykh : The second issue: If a man tries to correct his wife, especially regarding prayer, and is unable to, and he takes various paths and is unable to, then Allah has made for him an exit and a way out through divorce. And if he divorces for this purpose, then Allah the Exalted will replace her with something better for him, because whoever leaves something for the sake of Allah, Allah will replace it with something better for him.
As for the one who abandons prayer and he is unable to establish it and establish this prayer, then it is obligatory for him to separate from her, because by that she becomes a disbeliever, and it is not permissible for a believer to remain with a disbeliever in marriage.
The questioner : The correspondent from the central region, when he explained to us his topic and you also spoke about these good introductions, if Allah wills, he has branches on his question or on his introduction.