The Ruling on Lying to One's Wife and the Wife Lying to Her Husband
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Question:
The questioner, Umm 'Umar, has two questions. The first question is: Her Excellency, the Shaykh! What is the ruling on a woman being frank with her husband regarding all matters that concern her and the family? And is it permissible for her to lie to him in matters that would bring her problems? I have heard a hadith from the Prophet (peace and blessings be upon him) to the effect that a woman may lie to a man, and likewise a man may lie to his wife. Also, there is a type of permissible lying, which is to ward off harms? Please give us a ruling in light of this, may you be rewarded.
Answer:
This is a great matter. As for what concerns frankness in the interests of the home and the affairs of the home, this is necessary. She must be frank with him and give him sufficient information about the needs of the home and its affairs, except for something she can cover herself and handle from her own money; there is nothing wrong with that. Otherwise, she must be frank with him about the affairs of the home so that there is no deficiency with his guests, or with his children, or with those under his care, such as orphans and others. She must be frank with him about all the needs of the home so that he can fulfill his obligation, because she is entrusted with it, as the Prophet (peace and blessings be upon him) said:.
So she must give him the truth, and she must strive to fulfill her obligation, because she is entrusted with this home. She must seek what is correct and seek the truth so that she does not hide anything that would harm the people of the home.
As for lying, there is nothing wrong with it. She may lie to him, or he may lie to her, in matters that do not harm people and concern only the two of them. This is based on the saying of the Prophet (peace and blessings be upon him) in the hadith of Umm Kulthum, the daughter of 'Uqbah ibn Abi Mu'ayt. She said (may Allah be pleased with her): "I did not hear him permit anything in what they say is lying except in three cases: deception in war—deception in war—reconciliation between people, and a man speaking to his wife and a woman speaking to her husband." In matters concerning their own affairs, there is nothing wrong with it, because this may result in much good, reconciliation, the preservation of the marriage bond, and the warding off of harms. If she is frank with him, and he is frank with her, about things that are lies, but they benefit them, for example, she says to him: "You went to the house of so-and-so," or "You visited so-and-so," or "You will visit so-and-so," or he says: "No, that is not true," and he is lying, and nothing that harms people results from it. Or he says: ........ I am getting married or I am not getting married ........ I am not getting married. Or she says to him: "I want to go to my family to visit a sick person, my mother, or my father," and she has an important need that, if she told him, would not be granted to her, and there is no harm in it; there is nothing wrong with it.
The point is: lying that benefits the two of them and does not harm anyone, that benefits them in their relationship and does not harm any of the people; there is nothing wrong with it. Yes.
The presenter : May Allah reward you with good, Your Eminence the Shaykh.
The questioner, Umm 'Umar, has two questions. The first question is: Her Excellency, the Shaykh! What is the ruling on a woman being frank with her husband regarding all matters that concern her and the family? And is it permissible for her to lie to him in matters that would bring her problems? I have heard a hadith from the Prophet (peace and blessings be upon him) to the effect that a woman may lie to a man, and likewise a man may lie to his wife. Also, there is a type of permissible lying, which is to ward off harms? Please give us a ruling in light of this, may you be rewarded.
Answer:
This is a great matter. As for what concerns frankness in the interests of the home and the affairs of the home, this is necessary. She must be frank with him and give him sufficient information about the needs of the home and its affairs, except for something she can cover herself and handle from her own money; there is nothing wrong with that. Otherwise, she must be frank with him about the affairs of the home so that there is no deficiency with his guests, or with his children, or with those under his care, such as orphans and others. She must be frank with him about all the needs of the home so that he can fulfill his obligation, because she is entrusted with it, as the Prophet (peace and blessings be upon him) said:
A woman is a shepherd in her husband's home, and she is responsible for her flock. Every one of you is a shepherd, and every one of you is responsible for his flock.
المرأة راعية في بيت زوجها، ومسؤولة عن رعيتها، كلكم راع، وكلكم مسؤول عن رعيتهSo she must give him the truth, and she must strive to fulfill her obligation, because she is entrusted with this home. She must seek what is correct and seek the truth so that she does not hide anything that would harm the people of the home.
As for lying, there is nothing wrong with it. She may lie to him, or he may lie to her, in matters that do not harm people and concern only the two of them. This is based on the saying of the Prophet (peace and blessings be upon him) in the hadith of Umm Kulthum, the daughter of 'Uqbah ibn Abi Mu'ayt. She said (may Allah be pleased with her): "I did not hear him permit anything in what they say is lying except in three cases: deception in war—deception in war—reconciliation between people, and a man speaking to his wife and a woman speaking to her husband." In matters concerning their own affairs, there is nothing wrong with it, because this may result in much good, reconciliation, the preservation of the marriage bond, and the warding off of harms. If she is frank with him, and he is frank with her, about things that are lies, but they benefit them, for example, she says to him: "You went to the house of so-and-so," or "You visited so-and-so," or "You will visit so-and-so," or he says: "No, that is not true," and he is lying, and nothing that harms people results from it. Or he says: ........ I am getting married or I am not getting married ........ I am not getting married. Or she says to him: "I want to go to my family to visit a sick person, my mother, or my father," and she has an important need that, if she told him, would not be granted to her, and there is no harm in it; there is nothing wrong with it.
The point is: lying that benefits the two of them and does not harm anyone, that benefits them in their relationship and does not harm any of the people; there is nothing wrong with it. Yes.
The presenter : May Allah reward you with good, Your Eminence the Shaykh.
Source
binbaz.org.sa
The Arabic text is copied verbatim from the original source, without any edits.