Guidance for a woman who is ill-tempered with her husband and children
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Question:
This questioner, Sultan al-'Umur from the Prophet’s City, says: A righteous wife who prays and worships, but she has a bad temper, as she often raises her voice at her husband and her sons. She looks at things with a pessimistic, gloomy view, and she takes things to extremes that they do not warrant. Is there a word of guidance you can offer to someone like that over the airwaves, perhaps she will listen to what you say, O honorable Shaykh? And since she also listens to the programs of the Holy Quran Radio?
Answer:
In the name of Allah, the Most Gracious, the Most Merciful. Praise be to Allah, and may Allah send prayers and blessings upon the Messenger of Allah, and upon his family and his Companions, and upon those who follow his guidance. As for what follows:
So we advise the woman mentioned and those like her to fear Allah (Exalted and Majestic is He), to be careful to have good expectations, to observe good manners, and to stay away from having bad expectations, not of her children, nor of others. Allah (Exalted and Majestic is He) says: [Al-Hujurat: 12] And the Prophet (peace and blessings be upon him) said: Jami` at-Tirmidhi 1988Sahih (Darussalam).
So it is obligatory for every Muslim, man or woman, to be cautious of having bad expectations, except for clear reasons. Otherwise, it is obligatory to leave off bad expectations, not of the woman, nor of the husband, nor of the children, nor of the husband’s brother, nor of his father, nor of anyone else.
It is obligatory to have good expectations of Allah, and good expectations of your Muslim brother, or your Muslim sister, and not to have bad expectations except for clear reasons that necessitate suspicion. Otherwise, the original state is innocence and safety. Bad expectations cause division, disagreement, resentment, and enmity. Even a man with his children, if he has bad expectations of them, and a woman with her children, if she has bad expectations of them, the situation between them becomes bad.
So it is obligatory to be cautious of that, and it is obligatory to be careful to have good expectations, as long as there is room for good expectations. But if there are found reasons that necessitate bad expectations, then there is no harm. For example, if he is found in the company of those who are suspected, or if he is found in situations that give rise to suspicion.
The point is: when clear matters are found that necessitate bad expectations, then there is no harm. For this reason, when the evidence is established, it is acted upon, and bad expectations are held of the one against whom the evidence is established that he stole, or that he committed unlawful sexual intercourse, or that he drank intoxicants. When the Shari'ah evidence is established, the fixed punishment is carried out against him, and bad expectations are held of him because of the evidence.
But in the absence of evidence, it is obligatory to leave off bad expectations, and to rely on the original innocence and the original safety, and to be cautious of having bad expectations of a Muslim without right. We ask Allah for guidance for everyone. Yes.
The presenter: O Allah, amen. May Allah reward you with good.
This questioner, Sultan al-'Umur from the Prophet’s City, says: A righteous wife who prays and worships, but she has a bad temper, as she often raises her voice at her husband and her sons. She looks at things with a pessimistic, gloomy view, and she takes things to extremes that they do not warrant. Is there a word of guidance you can offer to someone like that over the airwaves, perhaps she will listen to what you say, O honorable Shaykh? And since she also listens to the programs of the Holy Quran Radio?
Answer:
In the name of Allah, the Most Gracious, the Most Merciful. Praise be to Allah, and may Allah send prayers and blessings upon the Messenger of Allah, and upon his family and his Companions, and upon those who follow his guidance. As for what follows:
So we advise the woman mentioned and those like her to fear Allah (Exalted and Majestic is He), to be careful to have good expectations, to observe good manners, and to stay away from having bad expectations, not of her children, nor of others. Allah (Exalted and Majestic is He) says:
O you who have believed, avoid much [negative] assumption. Indeed, some assumption is sin.
يَا أَيُّهَا الَّذِينَ آمَنُوا اجْتَنِبُوا كَثِيرًا مِنَ الظَّنِّ إِنَّ بَعْضَ الظَّنِّ إِثْمٌBeware of Zann (suspicion), for indeed Zann is the falsest of speech.
إياكم والظن، فإن الظن أكذب الحديثSo it is obligatory for every Muslim, man or woman, to be cautious of having bad expectations, except for clear reasons. Otherwise, it is obligatory to leave off bad expectations, not of the woman, nor of the husband, nor of the children, nor of the husband’s brother, nor of his father, nor of anyone else.
It is obligatory to have good expectations of Allah, and good expectations of your Muslim brother, or your Muslim sister, and not to have bad expectations except for clear reasons that necessitate suspicion. Otherwise, the original state is innocence and safety. Bad expectations cause division, disagreement, resentment, and enmity. Even a man with his children, if he has bad expectations of them, and a woman with her children, if she has bad expectations of them, the situation between them becomes bad.
So it is obligatory to be cautious of that, and it is obligatory to be careful to have good expectations, as long as there is room for good expectations. But if there are found reasons that necessitate bad expectations, then there is no harm. For example, if he is found in the company of those who are suspected, or if he is found in situations that give rise to suspicion.
The point is: when clear matters are found that necessitate bad expectations, then there is no harm. For this reason, when the evidence is established, it is acted upon, and bad expectations are held of the one against whom the evidence is established that he stole, or that he committed unlawful sexual intercourse, or that he drank intoxicants. When the Shari'ah evidence is established, the fixed punishment is carried out against him, and bad expectations are held of him because of the evidence.
But in the absence of evidence, it is obligatory to leave off bad expectations, and to rely on the original innocence and the original safety, and to be cautious of having bad expectations of a Muslim without right. We ask Allah for guidance for everyone. Yes.
The presenter: O Allah, amen. May Allah reward you with good.
Source
binbaz.org.sa
The Arabic text is copied verbatim from the original source, without any edits.