Presenting the Daughter's Opinion in Choosing a Husband
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Question:
A letter reached the program from one of the listening brothers. The sender (H. M.) says: Our brother says: The father and mother are at odds regarding the marriage of their daughters. The father is satisfied with a righteous man for his daughters, even if he is old in age.
And the mother says: I will not marry my daughters to anyone but a young man, even if he smokes or shaves his beard. They disagreed and the matter reached the point of conflict. With whom is the right, if you would be so kind, Shaykh Abdul Aziz?
Answer:
It is with the daughter. The daughter’s consent is what matters. If she is satisfied with the old man her father proposed, there is no harm. And if she is not satisfied and prefers the young man, even if he smokes, the sin does not prevent the marriage. Even if he smokes or shaves his beard, it does not prevent the marriage. However, if a righteous, good, and sound man is available who does not smoke and does not shave, that is better and more noble. But the current situation and society have few who are sound in every respect. However, one who does not pray is not to be married, and one who consumes intoxicants is a great danger.
As for smoking, although smoking is forbidden, it is easier than drinking alcohol, which is known as drinking alcohol. And although shaving the beard is an apparent sin, it is easier than drinking alcohol. We ask Allah for well-being. And if one is available who does not shave his beard and does not smoke, he is to be preferred over others.
The presenter: He is more deserving.
The Shaykh: Yes, the daughter should consent to him.
The presenter: May Allah reward you with good. The problem arose between the father and the mother, Shaykh Abdul Aziz. The daughters have not intervened yet.
The Shaykh: The daughter’s opinion should be considered. The father should consult her and the mother should consult her. If she is satisfied with one of the two persons her father mentioned, she is with her father. Or if she is satisfied with what her mother mentioned, she is with her mother. She decides; because the Messenger of Allah (peace and blessings be upon him) said:Sahih al-Bukhari 6970 They said: How is her permission? He said: But one who does not pray is not to be married; because he is a disbeliever. We ask Allah for safety. One who abandons prayer is a disbeliever. We ask Allah for well-being.
Likewise, one who is known for being lenient with the religion or for mocking the religion, these are disbelievers and are never to be married, even if the daughter consents. Yes.
The presenter: May Allah reward you with good. Shaykh Abdul Aziz, perhaps this is an opportunity for you to offer advice to families so that they do not disagree in matters like this, and so that they do not neglect the concerned party.
The Shaykh: There is no doubt that my advice to families is to care for their daughters and to strive to marry them to suitable matches according to their ability and means. If suitable matches are not available, marry her to one who is lacking, even if he has some smoking, or shortening or shaving of the beard, if he prays and is upright in his religion except for this trait. He is better than leaving the daughter as she is, better than leaving her without a husband.
As for one who is known for disbelief, such as abandoning prayer, or cursing the religion, or mocking the religion, he is not to be married, even if the daughter wants him. It is not permissible and he is not to be married. The parents should consult and not oppose each other. Rather, the parents should agree and seek what is in the daughter’s interest, and not leave her in a state of delay. Yes.
The presenter: May Allah bless you and reward you with good.
A letter reached the program from one of the listening brothers. The sender (H. M.) says: Our brother says: The father and mother are at odds regarding the marriage of their daughters. The father is satisfied with a righteous man for his daughters, even if he is old in age.
And the mother says: I will not marry my daughters to anyone but a young man, even if he smokes or shaves his beard. They disagreed and the matter reached the point of conflict. With whom is the right, if you would be so kind, Shaykh Abdul Aziz?
Answer:
It is with the daughter. The daughter’s consent is what matters. If she is satisfied with the old man her father proposed, there is no harm. And if she is not satisfied and prefers the young man, even if he smokes, the sin does not prevent the marriage. Even if he smokes or shaves his beard, it does not prevent the marriage. However, if a righteous, good, and sound man is available who does not smoke and does not shave, that is better and more noble. But the current situation and society have few who are sound in every respect. However, one who does not pray is not to be married, and one who consumes intoxicants is a great danger.
As for smoking, although smoking is forbidden, it is easier than drinking alcohol, which is known as drinking alcohol. And although shaving the beard is an apparent sin, it is easier than drinking alcohol. We ask Allah for well-being. And if one is available who does not shave his beard and does not smoke, he is to be preferred over others.
The presenter: He is more deserving.
The Shaykh: Yes, the daughter should consent to him.
The presenter: May Allah reward you with good. The problem arose between the father and the mother, Shaykh Abdul Aziz. The daughters have not intervened yet.
The Shaykh: The daughter’s opinion should be considered. The father should consult her and the mother should consult her. If she is satisfied with one of the two persons her father mentioned, she is with her father. Or if she is satisfied with what her mother mentioned, she is with her mother. She decides; because the Messenger of Allah (peace and blessings be upon him) said:
A lady slave should not be given in marriage until she is consulted, and a virgin should not be given in marriage until her permission is granted.
لا تنكح الأيم حتى تستأمر ولا تنكح البكر حتى تستأذنThat she remains silent.
أن تسكتLikewise, one who is known for being lenient with the religion or for mocking the religion, these are disbelievers and are never to be married, even if the daughter consents. Yes.
The presenter: May Allah reward you with good. Shaykh Abdul Aziz, perhaps this is an opportunity for you to offer advice to families so that they do not disagree in matters like this, and so that they do not neglect the concerned party.
The Shaykh: There is no doubt that my advice to families is to care for their daughters and to strive to marry them to suitable matches according to their ability and means. If suitable matches are not available, marry her to one who is lacking, even if he has some smoking, or shortening or shaving of the beard, if he prays and is upright in his religion except for this trait. He is better than leaving the daughter as she is, better than leaving her without a husband.
As for one who is known for disbelief, such as abandoning prayer, or cursing the religion, or mocking the religion, he is not to be married, even if the daughter wants him. It is not permissible and he is not to be married. The parents should consult and not oppose each other. Rather, the parents should agree and seek what is in the daughter’s interest, and not leave her in a state of delay. Yes.
The presenter: May Allah bless you and reward you with good.
Source
binbaz.org.sa
The Arabic text is copied verbatim from the original source, without any edits.