Among the Causes of Failure in Marital Life
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Question:
Many marriages fail, Your Eminence. When the couple thinks about the reasons, they find that, in their belief, there is a root cause. For example, she married while hating it, or he married while hating it. So when the marriage fails, they attribute it to those causes mentioned.
Answer:
It has causes. Failure has causes, among which are: the man not loving the woman, and her not loving the man. She may think she is suitable for him, but she is not, because she saw in his character something that repelled her. He may have seen in her character something that repelled him. Thus, hatred and aversion arise.
Among the causes are sins: the man’s sin or the woman’s sin. The man may be a drunkard with bad character, so the woman is repelled by him and does not want him. She may likewise have bad character, so the man is repelled by her and does not want her. There may be many sins and laxity regarding what Allah has forbidden for her. The causes of aversion between the spouses are many. Yes.
The presenter: If it happens that the husband or wife is afflicted with a defect or a chronic illness, or something similar, does the aversion or the forcing of oneself to that marriage have a connection to that illness or that defect, Your Eminence?
The Shaykh: This is undoubtedly a cause of aversion. If a defect is found, such as muteness in the woman, or deafness in her ears.
The presenter: After the marriage, you mean?
The Shaykh: After the marriage. For example, leprosy, blindness, or such things. The husband may be repelled by her and want someone else. There is no blame on him if he divorces her. If he is patient with her, seeks reward from Allah, and spends on her, that is better and more good. If he divorces her, there is no blame on him. Allah has permitted divorce for need. She, likewise, may see a defect in her husband. He may be afflicted with madness, leprosy, or other things that repel her. She has an excuse to seek separation and to give him back the money he paid to her. Perhaps Allah does not write love between them, so she is repelled by him and hates him, as happened to the wife of Thabit ibn Qays. She sought a khul’ (divorce at the wife’s request for compensation) from her husband in exchange for a garden he had given her.
The result is that it has causes. If new causes appear after the marriage in the husband that repel the woman from him, or in the wife that repel the husband from her, there is no blame in divorce.
If the affliction is from the husband, and there is something in him that she hates because of that, she must give him his right, unless he waives his right and accepts the divorce without anything. That is up to him. But if she is the one who hated and disliked him for legal reasons, for reasons of bad conduct, or for reasons of hatred that arose in her heart, she must give him his money. However, if the causes are from him: he wronged her, transgressed against her, or consumed intoxicants, or similar things that repel her from him, he has no right to the money. She has the right to be repelled by him and to demand divorce, because he mistreated her in his companionship by his wrongdoing toward her, his bad conduct toward her, his consumption of intoxicants, or his staying up at night so that he does not sleep with her except for a little, or similar defects that repel the woman from her husband, and he is the wrongdoer toward her in that. This is an excuse for her to seek divorce, and he has no right to the mahr (bridal gift), because he is the wrongdoer. And greater than that is abandoning the prayer, we seek refuge in Allah, for he becomes a disbeliever by that. She is not to remain with him after that until he repents to Allah. She has the right to go out to her family and prevent him from having access to herself until he prays, until he repents. And likewise, if she abandons the prayer, she becomes a disbeliever by that. He must advise her, discipline her, and strive with her. If she does not return, it is not permissible for her to remain with him because of her disbelief, due to the saying of the Prophet (peace and blessings be upon him):Sunan Ibn Majah 1079Sahih (Darussalam) We ask Allah for well-being. This is a serious affliction and it happens often. There is no power and no strength except with Allah. We ask Allah for guidance for the Muslims.
The presenter: O Allah, amen. May Allah reward you with good.
Many marriages fail, Your Eminence. When the couple thinks about the reasons, they find that, in their belief, there is a root cause. For example, she married while hating it, or he married while hating it. So when the marriage fails, they attribute it to those causes mentioned.
Answer:
It has causes. Failure has causes, among which are: the man not loving the woman, and her not loving the man. She may think she is suitable for him, but she is not, because she saw in his character something that repelled her. He may have seen in her character something that repelled him. Thus, hatred and aversion arise.
Among the causes are sins: the man’s sin or the woman’s sin. The man may be a drunkard with bad character, so the woman is repelled by him and does not want him. She may likewise have bad character, so the man is repelled by her and does not want her. There may be many sins and laxity regarding what Allah has forbidden for her. The causes of aversion between the spouses are many. Yes.
The presenter: If it happens that the husband or wife is afflicted with a defect or a chronic illness, or something similar, does the aversion or the forcing of oneself to that marriage have a connection to that illness or that defect, Your Eminence?
The Shaykh: This is undoubtedly a cause of aversion. If a defect is found, such as muteness in the woman, or deafness in her ears.
The presenter: After the marriage, you mean?
The Shaykh: After the marriage. For example, leprosy, blindness, or such things. The husband may be repelled by her and want someone else. There is no blame on him if he divorces her. If he is patient with her, seeks reward from Allah, and spends on her, that is better and more good. If he divorces her, there is no blame on him. Allah has permitted divorce for need. She, likewise, may see a defect in her husband. He may be afflicted with madness, leprosy, or other things that repel her. She has an excuse to seek separation and to give him back the money he paid to her. Perhaps Allah does not write love between them, so she is repelled by him and hates him, as happened to the wife of Thabit ibn Qays. She sought a khul’ (divorce at the wife’s request for compensation) from her husband in exchange for a garden he had given her.
The result is that it has causes. If new causes appear after the marriage in the husband that repel the woman from him, or in the wife that repel the husband from her, there is no blame in divorce.
If the affliction is from the husband, and there is something in him that she hates because of that, she must give him his right, unless he waives his right and accepts the divorce without anything. That is up to him. But if she is the one who hated and disliked him for legal reasons, for reasons of bad conduct, or for reasons of hatred that arose in her heart, she must give him his money. However, if the causes are from him: he wronged her, transgressed against her, or consumed intoxicants, or similar things that repel her from him, he has no right to the money. She has the right to be repelled by him and to demand divorce, because he mistreated her in his companionship by his wrongdoing toward her, his bad conduct toward her, his consumption of intoxicants, or his staying up at night so that he does not sleep with her except for a little, or similar defects that repel the woman from her husband, and he is the wrongdoer toward her in that. This is an excuse for her to seek divorce, and he has no right to the mahr (bridal gift), because he is the wrongdoer. And greater than that is abandoning the prayer, we seek refuge in Allah, for he becomes a disbeliever by that. She is not to remain with him after that until he repents to Allah. She has the right to go out to her family and prevent him from having access to herself until he prays, until he repents. And likewise, if she abandons the prayer, she becomes a disbeliever by that. He must advise her, discipline her, and strive with her. If she does not return, it is not permissible for her to remain with him because of her disbelief, due to the saying of the Prophet (peace and blessings be upon him):
The covenant that distinguishes between us and them is prayer; so whoever leaves it, he has committed Kufr.
العهد الذي بيننا وبينهم الصلاة، فمن تركها فقد كفرThe presenter: O Allah, amen. May Allah reward you with good.
Source
binbaz.org.sa
The Arabic text is copied verbatim from the original source, without any edits.