Ruling on one who swore not to inquire about her husband and not to observe the waiting period if he died

The question: Our sister, we will return to her message, if Allah wills, in a future episode; in order to provide the opportunity for a number of our esteemed listeners to pose their questions. So we move on to a message that reached the program from Al-Khobar, sent by one of the sisters from there. The questioner (R. A. D.) says: Our sister, her message is lengthy. I ask the Shaykh’s permission to read it as it was sent. She says: Praise be to Allah, Lord of the worlds, and may blessings and peace be upon our Prophet Muhammad (peace and blessings be upon him). As for what follows:
My father married me off to a man who is twenty-five years older than me, against my will. A quarter of a century has passed since my marriage to him, and I have borne four daughters and a son from him. He knew from the beginning that I did not want to be tied to him. I sent him letters by post informing him of this, and that I was forced into marrying him and did not want him or his family to be miserable. He had been married before me to his cousin’s daughter, had children with her, and then divorced her. I did not want my fate to be like that. I married him and lived with him for three years, not wanting to tie myself to him, but Allah decreed it and did what He willed. I bore four daughters and a son from him. I lived with him in one house, and the relationship between us was cold. I lived with him for ten years with no relationship between us; he did not clarify things or apologize, and I did not ask him. We lived as strangers to each other, and I devoted my time to my daughters and son. Everything he did pained me. The most important thing, and the most significant, is that one day he left the house and was absent. I and my children were upset by his delay. After searching, I learned that he had traveled and left us, having no power or strength. So I swore and vowed that I would not and would never get to know him again. Despite my enduring all of this, he left me, the weak one with the broken wing, along with my daughters and son, and went away without informing me. So I swore that even if he died, I would not observe the waiting period for him. After a period of time, about fifteen days, I learned that he was in one of the countries. He contacted my family and told them that I must return to him, but I refused and remained in my place. He died after that period, but I did not enter the waiting period. First: because I had sworn.
Second: because of the lack of relationship binding us to him.
Fourth: because he left us. So what is the expiation that is obligatory upon me? And what is my punishment? Allah is a witness to what I say, and I seek forgiveness from Allah the Great, and there is no power or strength except with Allah. This is her message in its entirety, O Shaykh?
The answer: As for the marriage, it has ended, and praise be to Allah. And you did well in considering the feelings of your parents and desiring to please them, and you married, so praise be to Allah.
As for your oath not to inquire about him and not to get to know him, you owe an oath expiation for it if you did inquire and get to know him. You owe an oath expiation, which is: feeding ten poor people or clothing them, ten; each one is given half a sa' (a dry measure of about 3 kg) of the local staple food, such as dates or otherwise, or a garment that serves as a garment that suffices for him in prayer. As for your swearing that you would not observe the waiting period for him if he died, that is a mistake on your part, and it is not permissible for you to do that. It is obligatory upon you to observe the waiting period. If the waiting period has passed and you did not observe it for him, then you must repent and seek forgiveness for the negligence that occurred from you. Had you observed the waiting period for him, that would have been the obligatory thing, and you would also owe an oath expiation for your oath that you would not observe it, similar to the first expiation. If his death occurred more than four months and ten days ago, then you have completed the waiting period, and you must repent and seek forgiveness for not practicing what Allah prescribed in the waiting period, such as abstaining from adornment, perfume, jewelry, and the like. The waiting period has passed, praise be to Allah, and you do not have to repeat it; rather, it has passed. The waiting period has passed. However, if some of it remains such that the period of four months and ten days is not completed, then you must observe the remainder of it. You must avoid beautiful clothes, perfume, jewelry, kohl, and the like until the waiting period is completed, which is four months and ten days. We ask Allah to forgive us, you, and every Muslim.