What is the meaning of the saying of the Prophet (peace and blessings be upon him), "The deceased is indeed tormented by the weeping of his family over him"?
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The questioner : What is the meaning of the saying of the Prophet (peace and blessings be upon him): Sahih al-Bukhari 1286, 1287, 1288?
The Shaykh : Its meaning is that if the deceased’s family weeps over him, he becomes aware of it and feels pain. It does not mean that Allah punishes him for it, because Allah the Exalted says in the Qur’an:[Al-An'am 6:164] And the torment occurs without a punitive penalty. Have you not seen the saying of the Prophet (peace and blessings be upon him): Sahih al-Bukhari 5429 Is travel a punishment? I ask you, people, travel is not a punishment, but a person is distressed by it and becomes weary. Similarly, if the deceased’s family wails over him, he feels pain and becomes weary in that, even though this is not a punishment from Allah Mighty and Majestic for him. This interpretation of the hadith is clear and explicit, and no objection is raised against it. Nor is it necessary to say that this applies to one who bequeathed wailing, or to one whose family’s custom was wailing and he did not forbid them at his death. Rather, we say that a person is tormented by something without being harmed by it. Do you see if a person ate onions or garlic and sat next to you, would you be distressed by it or not?
The questioner : Yes.
The Shaykh : And are you harmed by it?
The questioner : No.
The Shaykh : You are not harmed by it. So this deceased who is distressed—his distress and weariness do not necessitate that he is being punished by a punishment from Allah. But what is wailing? Wailing is weeping in the manner of the pigeon’s cooing, meaning it is with a specific sound resembling the cooing of a pigeon when it coos. As for one who weeps the weeping that nature requires and does not wail, it is established from the Prophet (peace and blessings be upon him) that he wept while at the grave of one of his daughters. And when his son Ibrahim was brought to him while in the throes of death, the Prophet (peace and blessings be upon him) said:Riyad as-Salihin 927 And success is from Allah.
The dead person is tortured by the crying of his relatives.
إن الميت ليعذب ببكاء أهله عليهThe Shaykh : Its meaning is that if the deceased’s family weeps over him, he becomes aware of it and feels pain. It does not mean that Allah punishes him for it, because Allah the Exalted says in the Qur’an:
and no bearer of burdens will bear the burden of another
ولا تزر وازرة وزر أخرىTraveling is a kind of torture
إن السفر قطعة من العذابThe questioner : Yes.
The Shaykh : And are you harmed by it?
The questioner : No.
The Shaykh : You are not harmed by it. So this deceased who is distressed—his distress and weariness do not necessitate that he is being punished by a punishment from Allah. But what is wailing? Wailing is weeping in the manner of the pigeon’s cooing, meaning it is with a specific sound resembling the cooing of a pigeon when it coos. As for one who weeps the weeping that nature requires and does not wail, it is established from the Prophet (peace and blessings be upon him) that he wept while at the grave of one of his daughters. And when his son Ibrahim was brought to him while in the throes of death, the Prophet (peace and blessings be upon him) said: