Is it permissible for a man to shake hands with his cousin, his maternal cousin, or any female relative if they have been absent from him for a period of time?
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The questioner : Is it permissible for a man to shake hands with his cousin, his maternal cousin, or any female relative if they have been absent from him for a long period, whether they are married or unmarried? I ask for your guidance. May Allah reward you.
The Shaykh : The answer is that it is not permissible for anyone to shake hands with a woman who is not his wife and not one of his mahram (a relative one may not marry). Therefore, a man is not permitted to shake hands with his cousin, and a man is not permitted to shake hands with his maternal cousin. Likewise, a husband’s brother is not permitted to shake hands with his brother’s wife. The general rule in this matter is that it is not lawful for a man to shake hands with a woman who is not his mahram and not his wife, whether this is done directly or through a barrier. There is no consideration for what some people have become accustomed to in this regard, because the Shari'ah (Islamic sacred law) is the judge over custom, and custom is not the judge over the Shari'ah. It is obligatory for a person to fear Allah (Mighty and Majestic) in this matter and not to follow customs that contradict the Shari'ah.
Some people may make an excuse that they are shy to extend their hand to a woman and then withdraw it, or they might say to her, "Withdraw your hand." This is not permissible. Our answer to this is to say that this shyness is in its proper place, for Allah is not shy of the truth, and shyness from the truth is cowardice and weakness. It is obligatory for you, O believer, to speak the truth even if it is bitter, as Allah the Exalted said:[An-Nisa 4:135] And if you refrain from this and clarify that it is forbidden, and the second person refrains and clarifies that it is forbidden, and the third and fourth do the same, this will become well-known among people, and they will abandon that blameworthy custom, which is that a man shakes hands with a woman because she is his relative or one of his neighbors or the like.
The questioner : This is a message we received from Aden, Democratic Yemen, from a listener who used the initials H.A.M. for her name. She says in her message:
The Shaykh : The answer is that it is not permissible for anyone to shake hands with a woman who is not his wife and not one of his mahram (a relative one may not marry). Therefore, a man is not permitted to shake hands with his cousin, and a man is not permitted to shake hands with his maternal cousin. Likewise, a husband’s brother is not permitted to shake hands with his brother’s wife. The general rule in this matter is that it is not lawful for a man to shake hands with a woman who is not his mahram and not his wife, whether this is done directly or through a barrier. There is no consideration for what some people have become accustomed to in this regard, because the Shari'ah (Islamic sacred law) is the judge over custom, and custom is not the judge over the Shari'ah. It is obligatory for a person to fear Allah (Mighty and Majestic) in this matter and not to follow customs that contradict the Shari'ah.
Some people may make an excuse that they are shy to extend their hand to a woman and then withdraw it, or they might say to her, "Withdraw your hand." This is not permissible. Our answer to this is to say that this shyness is in its proper place, for Allah is not shy of the truth, and shyness from the truth is cowardice and weakness. It is obligatory for you, O believer, to speak the truth even if it is bitter, as Allah the Exalted said:
O you who have believed, be persistently standing firm in justice, witnesses for Allah, even if it be against yourselves or parents and relatives
يَا أَيُّهَا الَّذِينَ ءامَنُوا كُونُوا قَوَّامِينَ بِالْقِسْطِ شُهَدَاءَ لِلَّهِ وَلَوْ عَلَى أَنفُسِكُمْ أَوِ الْوَالِدَيْنِ وَالأَقْرَبِينَThe questioner : This is a message we received from Aden, Democratic Yemen, from a listener who used the initials H.A.M. for her name. She says in her message: